TDWT Rewrite
by Uncle Grimsley
Summary: A new take on Total Drama World Tour, where things are drastically different! Starts at "I See London..." because what's to change about the earlier episodes? Announcement- Once the rewrite is finished, I will go back and edit some grammar mistakes, as well as change a minor few plot points/lines from characters. Nothing too big, mind you, just some tiny tweaks.
1. I See London

**This is a new short story where I will be rewriting TDWT from episodes "I See London..." to the finale. Why halfway? Why not?**

**So, the way this will be written is in script-format. Why? Why not?**

**Considering the fact that I'm too lazy to write an intro, let's just get going.**

* * *

TDWT Rewrite  
Episode 13 I See London

* * *

Chris (voiceover, clips of the last episode play): Last time, on Total Drama World Tour, we had some "mechanical" difficulties, and ended up in hot water, Jamaica style! (In a Jamaican accent) No problem! (Back to normal voice) Except for Izzy, whose squished brain was a MAJOR problem, and led to our first elimination by injury. Stranded, and short on gas money, we were forced to improvise, and DJ was forced to admit he was a big ole' loser! So long, Team Victory! But thanks to a rocking telethon that raised a tank-load of a cash from our viewers, (deviously) hey, thanks for that eh? (Cut to the plane, Chris is looking out the Jump of Shame) We're ready to get back in the air! (Cut to the front of the plane, Chris (dressed up like an old-fashioned pilot) slurps on a drink, while Chef (dressed up like a modern-day pilot) flies the plane) Oh man, that's refreshing! (Tosses the glass away) Vacation's over, it's time for some more TOTAL! DRAMA! WORRRRRRRRLD TOOOOOOOOOOOOOUR!

Opening Credits

(The plane flies through the night sky, both teams sit in the economy class)

Heather (upset): Why are WE in the loser class? We WON last time; or didn't lose, anyways.

Sierra: Chris said he needed first class today, for a SECRET, special guest! And what Chris needs-

Heather: Chris takes. From US. (Courtney sits down on the bench, accidentally sitting on Gwen's burned hand, Gwen shouts in pain)

Gwen (pained): Sunburn! OW! (Blows on her hand)

Courtney: Oops. Sorry. How do you end up with sunburn on just ONE hand? (Gwen groans in pain)

Gwen (pained): I don't know! (Cody pulls on his collar nervously, cut to a flashback of Gwen sleeping in a lawn chair, shaded by an umbrella, Tyler and Cody walk up to her, Tyler's holding a camera)

Cody (whispering to Tyler): Make sure you get the bikini in the shot! (Cody silently slips up next to Gwen in the chair, she doesn't stir)

Tyler: Say cheese, bro! (Cody gives two thumbs-up and a big, goofy smile as Tyler takes a couple pictures, Gwen suddenly mutters in her sleep, Cody runs for it, accidentally knocking the umbrella just a little bit, but enough for Gwen's hand to be exposed in the sunlight, where it begins to burn. The flashback ends, Courtney walks over to Gwen with a bucket of white cream)

Courtney: Here, soak your hand in this.

Gwen (suspicious): What is it?

Courtney (assuring): It'll cool the burn! It's a special mix of green tea and bird guano. (Gwen sticks her burned hand into the cream and sighs with relief)

Gwen (suddenly on-guard): Wait, guano? Isn't that-

Heather (teasingly): A nicey-nice name for poop! (Gwen recoils her hand)

Gwen (disgusted): EW! (Cringes in pain) OW!

Courtney (matter-of-factly): Poop that's full of healing ingredients! I learned how to make it at CIT first-aid weekend! It's gross, but it helps, right? (Gwen sticks her hand back into the guano)

Gwen (relieved): Yes... well, thanks for being nice-ish.

Heather (annoyed): Bonding over poop juice? (Groans in annoyance) Is there anyone SANE left around here? (Hears disgusting noises, she looks over in disgust at Sierra, who is using her pizza box computer) That would be a no.

Sierra (talking as she types): Tweeter update! Gwen's hand smells like Jamaican bird doody. Cody is STILL cute! (Giggles creepily to herself, then thinks to herself) Uh, sixty-seven characters, okay, seventy-three left... what else can I say?

Noah (off-screen, mocking her voice as he "types"): "Considering buying myself a life on Fredslist, but having trouble deciding because they are all such a major improvement!" (Owen, who is sitting next to him with a bowl of peppers and a carton of milk, laughs and squirts milk out of his nose, covering Noah in milk) Dude, gross! (Scowls at him)

Owen: Did I get some of my nose milkshake on you? Sorry, it's the only thing that really cools off a snoot full of Jamaican scotch-bonnet peppers! (Gulps down a handful, his face turns beat red, causing him to wheeze) HOT! HOT! HOT! MILK! (Chugs some milk from the carton)

Noah (continuing in his mocking voice): "Must learn how to make nose milkshakes, like Owen! That'll impress Cody!" (Owen giggles and shoots a pepper out of his nostril)

Owen (holding his nose in pain): OW! (The pepper bounces off the walls and floors until it smacks Tyler in the face)

Tyler (rubbing his face): Ow! Weak! (Noah laughs at this)

Confessional (Owen)

Owen: Aw, my little buddy Noah is, like, the funniest guy I know, so making him laugh is awesome! It's like getting an A+ in hilarity! I wanna top his honor roll! (Stops and thinks for a second) Did that sound creepy?

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: Owen, eh, he's cool enough, despite the fact that he's a walking stink bomb ready to go off at any moment. At least he keeps me company, unlike Alehanous and Jock-Strap. And besides, he's even kinda funny. (Snickers to himself) Nose milkshakes...

End Confessional

(Owen and Noah laugh with each other)

Owen: Check it out, I'll shoot a pepper out of whatever nostril you pick! (Alejandro, who is resting next to them, frowns, annoyed) I mean, choose!

Noah: Yeah, cause one nose shake a day isn't enough. (Owen looks in his carton of milk)

Owen: Aw, but I'm out of milk!

Noah: Hey Courtney, how much of that poop juice have you got left? (Owen snickers)

Alejandro (walking off, annoyed): Excuse me, GENTLEMEN, I have to be anywhere but here. (Noah shrugs)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro (annoyed): A nose shake? (Facepalms) How many more episodes are there?

Confessional (Noah)

Noah (deadpan): And that's Alejandro for you; no sense of humor, but still finds it fun to flirt with every girl on the plane, INCLUDING the witch herself, Heather. (Realizes something) Wait... he flirted with LeShawna and Bridgette RIGHT before they were eliminated! A-and he had a talk with both DJ and Harold right before THEY were eliminated too! Do you think... (Gasps in realization) No way! (Rubs his forehead) Has he been playing us the entire time?! (Glares at the camera) I don't know for sure, but I've got my eye on the new kid!

End Confessional

(Alejandro walks among the plane's halls, he stops at a door when he hears Chris' voice)

Chris (behind the door): He's perfect! He'll take them out like a lion preying on a pack of chubby, asthmatic gazelles! (Alejandro nervously peeks into the room, where he sees Chef and Chris looking at someone dressed in a black trench coat, boots and top hat, he's wielding a dagger)

Chef (nervous): What if he "takes them out" takes them out? He's plenty mad at them!

Chris (reassuringly): Legal says we're clear, and imagine the ratings! That dip will score MAJOR hits online! (Alejandro bumps into the door, causing it to creak, he gasps and backs away in fear) Did you hear something? (The man in all black looks directly at Alejandro, who ducks out of the way, he gasps as he sees the man suddenly next to him, Alejandro screams as the screen blacks out. Cut to a map of the world, the plane's stamp flies around in odd patterns)

Chris (voiceover): Attention, helpless competitors! We've been denied permission to land, so you're gonna have to jump! (All the contestants, who heard this over the loudspeaker, shout complaints) And Chef MAY have miscounted parachutes.

Chef (defensively): I'm a cook, not a mathematician!

Chris: So, you might wanna light a pepper under your butts and grab one before they're gone! (Cut to later on, everyone except for Noah and Owen are wearing parachutes at the Drop of Shame)

Tyler (jumping out first): Yeah, woohoo! (Noah and Owen look at the last parachute, then each other)

Noah (groaning): Oh, life, why do you hate me so?! (Cut to later on, Noah is strapped to Owen as they jump from the plane, screaming loudly as they hurtle towards the camera, which fades to black as Owen falls closer to it. Cut to later on, Team Amazon has successfully landed on a bridge, next to a double-decker bus, Heather tosses her parachute into the pile)

Sierra (excited): Ooh-la-la, London! (Grabs Cody's hand, who is deadpanned) Did you know Queen Mary II got engaged when she was only fifteen?! (Cody snickers and rolls his eyes)

Cody (uninterested): Cool. Can I have my hand back, please? (Tyler comes in for the landing)

Tyler: EXTREEEEEEEE- OOOH! (His parachute gets snagged on a flagpole high above the bridge, Owen and Noah scream as they crash into the double-decker bus due to their parachute failing)

Owen (who is sitting on a crushed Noah): Well, that wasn't so bad, was it Noah? (Noah's arm twitches as he grunts in pain. Cut to inside the bus, the teams have all taken up the seats, Noah rubs his head in pain)

Heather (realizing something): Wait! Where's Alejandro?

Chris (feigning intrest): Yes, where is he? The answer in a sec. But first, GUN IT CHEF! (Chef floors the gas and takes off, Chris stands at the front of the bus, holding a microphone, his voice echoes over the bus' speakers) London! Home to loads of wicked stuff: Big Ben, the London Underground, the sandwich stuffed with French fries known as the Chip Buddy-

Owen: Yes, please!

Chris: London's also home to Scotland Yard, the world's BIGGEST crime-busting outfit, but there was one case even Scotland Yard couldn't crack! (Intimidatingly) Jack the Ripper! (Heather, Gwen and Courtney gasp, Chris brings out a portrait of the dark-dressed man from earlier) The wack-o serial killer who terrorized Victorian, London. Today, you'll be tracking that bad boy down! (Failing to hide a smirk) But be careful, Jack's also hunting YOU! That's why Team Chris is Really, Really, Really Hot is now short-handed.

Owen (panicked): What?! The Ripper got Al?! Not Al! (Noah cringes)

Noah (to himself): Yeah, that poor, manipulative soul.

Chris: Next stop: Tower of London!

Heather (nervously to the others): Do you think he's okay?! (Realizes what she just said) Um, because big advantage for us! Yay!

Gwen: Yeah, also can I just say I know TONS about the Ripper. I did a speech on him in grade 6.

Courtney (pleasantly surprised): Wow, that's unexpectedly useful of you!

Gwen: The librarians said my fascination was morbid, (deviously) and occasionally offensive!

Heather (still nervous): Should we look for Alejandro? (Snaps out of it) I mean, y'know, just in case this all some kind of dirty scheme of his, or-

Courtney: Let THEM (points to Team Chris) look; get this! My grade 6 speech? The Tower of London!

Gwen (pleasantly surprised): Wow, we're like a nerdette dream team! (Cut to the Tower of London, the teams stand outside of it with two old guards)

Chris: Your challenge is to follow a series of clues through the complex, all the way to the Ripper's secret layer. Bag the criminal mastermind before he gets you, and you win! Your first clue will be found during the changing of the guard. And when I say "change" I mean CHANGE the guards! Your clue is hidden in his uniform, so one of you has to strip him down to his gitch until you find it! (Smiles deviously, causing his teeth to twinkle, the eight contestants recoil in disgust)

Tyler (disbelief): Whoa, strip a dude?! I'm out!

Chris: Up to you, bro. Million bucks is all I'm saying. And while you're at it- (The bell dings, the contestants all groan. The music starts up)

Owen (walking up to a guard):_ It's creepy how they stand there,_ (waves his hand in front of the guard)_ and don't even blink! I don't wanna see his bum, all naked and pink!_ (Noah walks over next)

Noah (tapping on the guards shoulder):_ Hey, buddy, can we bribe you to strip yourself dooooOOOOOwn!_

Owen (holding a fish candy):_ Yum-Yum Happy Go-Time Fish?_ (Noah smacks it out of his hand)

Noah (glaring):_ Don't kill him, you clown!_ (Owen shrinks back)

Courtney:_ No way, I can't strip him, Duncan will freak!_

Heather:_ And I'm allergic to uniforms-_Gwen: Okay, that's just weak.

Sierra (dragging Cody near her):_ I made a vow that Cody's the only man for ME!_ (Hugs his head tightly)

Gwen: Okay, so then I have to do it?! (Points to her hand) Uh, hello, injury- OW!

Courtney:_ If we're gonna find that clue-_

Heather:_ There's only one thing to dooooooo-_Sierra:_ Force someone to strip him down-_Courtney, Heather and Sierra:_ And sorry, Gwen, that's you!_ (Courtney shoves Gwen over to the guard, Gwen gasps as she gets an idea)

Noah (playing rock-paper-scissors with Owen):_ If we're gonna find that clue-_

Owen:_ There's only one thing to dooooooo-_Noah:_ Force someone to strip him down-_Owen and Noah (pointing to Tyler):_ And Tyler, dude, that's you!_ (Tyler blinks, Gwen has put a Cody mask on the guard)

Gwen: Sierra, look, it's Cody!_ And I think he wants to strip!_

Sierra: Poor honey! (Shoves the real Cody aside) Quick, get out of those things! That will help; I bet! (Gwen steps away as Sierra kisses the guard and strips him)

Gwen:_ Yeah, we're gonna find that clue-_ (Sierra tosses the guard's hat away, it lands on Heather's head)

Heather:_ We're doing what Chris proposed!_ (Sierra tosses the neckpiece away, it lands on Courtney)

Courtney (disgusted):_ Force someone to strip him down-_

Courtney, Gwen and Heather:_ Cause if we don't we're toast!_Courtney:_ Totally toooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAST!_ (Cut to later on, Sierra yanks the boots off the guard, a tip popping out, it flies over to Courtney, who catches it)

Courtney (reading it): Pole taught atop a southern spire... (gasps in realization) Quick, follow me! (She dashes off, the others following after her except for Sierra, who screams in disgust as she smells the guard's socks. Cut to inside a chamber of some sort, within it lies a stretching table, Heather, Gwen and Courtney dash into the room) Omygosh! This is the very room that Anne Bolin lived in before Henry VIII beheaded her!

Heather (noticing the stretching table): What is with the creepy desk?

Chef (walking over to them, wearing no shirt and a hood, holding a glaive): It's a medieval torture rack. Clue's inside. (Nods to the drawer attached to the table) Toss someone on and stretch! (Snickers evilly)

Gwen (quickly): I volunteer Heather!

Courtney: I second that motion!

Heather (offended): Hey!

Gwen (ignoring her): Who'd like to carry the motion, Cody, Sierra? (Looks behind her and notices that the two are gone) Um, where'd they go? (Cut to a hallway, Sierra has blocked a staircase that Cody is trying to reach)

Sierra: This is almost just like in the olden days! When ladies and lords would sneak off together to kiss and get arrested for being in LOOOOOVE! (Puckers her lips up, much to Cody's disgust, he facepalms and groans. Cut to Team Chris, by now Tyler has stripped the guard down to his undergarments)

Noah: You lost rock-paper-scissors fair and square; stop throwing the game! (Tyler struggles to pull the guard's socks off... with his teeth)

Tyler (grunting in effort): I'm not! You try taking off a dude's panty hose with your teeth!

Noah: Uh, dude? No one said you had to use your teeth.

Owen (off-screen): Hey, Noah! Check this, (pan over to Owen, who is wearing the guard's hat, he uses a British accent and crosses his eyes) I say, I'm the queen! Oh, heavens! I think I ate too many royal beans at the royal lunch! (Giggles and gets ready to fart... but nothing happens. He grunts with effort) Hold on, stay with me here! (He keeps trying, Noah sighs and rolls his eyes)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: Remember, I said he was "cool enough". (Glares) At least he isn't Alej-fako. (Thinks) I need a better name.

End Confessional

(Cut back to hallway Sierra has pinned Cody in)

Sierra (begging): C'mon, just one kiss? Y'know, in the name of historical accuracy? (Suddenly a shadow falls on them, belonging to the Ripper, he raises his knife causing Sierra to grab onto Cody, who shouts in fear. Cut to outside the castle, where their scream are heard, the Ripper walks out of a side exit, holding a lumpy sack, where Chris is waiting)

Chris: And then there were six! Will anybody survive the Ripper, AND this show?

Sierra (inside the bag): We didn't kiss! (Tries to kiss Cody, who shouts in panic) I WANT MY KISS!

Chris: Come back after the break, when we'll try to answer at least a couple of these questions! (Smiles deviously as the camera fades to black)

Commercial Break

(Fade to Team Chris' guard, who is in his Brittan-flag patterned boxers)

Noah: A pen in his pants pocket, lint in his socks, that's it. (Tosses a sock away, it lands on the guard's head, he doesn't even flinch) We didn't even find a clue, and NO WAY am I searching his boxers.

Owen: We can find another guard to strip. (Owen takes off his head, which has a tip inside it) Hey, look! (Takes the tip out) There's a clue in here! (Notices Noah glaring at him, gives a nervous chuckle) Funny, right? (In a British accent) I say pip-pip... (Cut to the torture chamber, Heather screams in agony. Heather is bound at the feet and the hands and is being actively (and violently) stretched as Gwen turns a wheel on the rack)

Heather (angry): You did that on purpose, you bleep!

Courtney (slyly): Every cloud has a silver lining! (She and Gwen snicker)

Confessional (Gwen)

Gwen (surprised): I KNOW! Courtney! I never thought I'd be able to tolerate her, but she's... deal-able? (Whispering) We even have stuff in common, which is, like, the weirdest thing ever! (Serious) If I tip over the edge and make Courtney type lists, rack me.

Confessional (Courtney)

Courtney (surprised): I KNOW! Gwen! She's not COMPLETELY a social freak after all. (Struggles) Sometimes she's even a good person to have on your team? Sometimes! Y'know, I wouldn't mind going against her in the final two! Obviously I'd still win. She's incapable of making a list!

End Confessional

(Cut to the opposite torture room, where Team Chris has just arrived)

Noah: Are we gonna have to play rock-paper-scissors again to figure out who's getting stretched?

Tyler (confidently): Ha! I'm flexible to the extreme, bro! (Suddenly bends his legs around his back and over his arms, causing Noah and Owen to recoil) Sweaty mocha yoga! Hoo-hoo! (Dashes to the rack, still in his yoga pose)

Noah (recovered): Quick, tie him down before Alejandro shows up and makes ME do it just because I'm shorter. (Tyler stretches as he hops onto the rack, Owen then forcefully shoves him on his back)

Owen: Why don't you like Al? He's great!

Noah: I don't trust the guy. He's like an eel, dipped in grease swimming in motor oil!

Owen (chaining Tyler to the bonds): Dirty?

Noah (grabbing the wheel): Slippery. I mean, first he talks to Harold ten minutes before his elimination and he told DJ something at the starting line in Jamaica! There's something he must've said to both of them to make them get eliminated. And who can forget his most "genius" plays of flirting with Bridgette and LeShawna? You saw what happened to all of them; the dude basically took down an entire team single-handedly! Think about it, he's Heather, but with social skills.

Owen: Y'know, now that you mention it I heard him mutter something in his sleep, like (in a fake Alejandro voice) "First the power players, then the weaklings!" (Noah's eyes widen with shock) You think that means something?

Noah (hiding his shock): If it does, I'm not sure.

Confessional (Noah)

Noah (glaring): I KNEW it! That slippery eel is playing us all! Well, guess what, you Mexican eel? That's not happening on MY watch!

End Confessional

(Tyler suddenly begins to scream in pain)

Tyler (in agony): Oh, stop! It's too much! STOP! (Cries, Noah and Owen recoil their hands)

Noah (deadpan): You do realize we haven't started yet, right? (Tyler looks around, suddenly calm)

Tyler: My bad. S'cool. I'll go silent. Sweaty yoga-ish monk dude styles! (Snickers. Noah spins the wheel, causing the bonds to pull back and stretch Tyler out, Tyler holds back a scream of pain. Cut to the Amazons, Heather screams in pain as she is stretched out)

Heather: Stop enjoying this, you bleep! (Gwen and Courtney snicker)

Gwen (not at all sorry): Sorry, sorry but come on! Like you wouldn't do the same? (Spins the wheel, causing Heather to scream again)

Heather: That is NOT the point! (The drawer opens, a letter inside)

Courtney: There it is! (Gwen grabs the letter)

Gwen (reading it): If your teammate can still use their feet, bring them down for something to eat.

Courtney: The banquet hall! That's downstairs and out the courtyard! Heather-

Heather (already standing up and stretching her back): Please. I'm fine. (Suddenly, a loud crack is heard followed by a yelp from Heather, Courtney and Gwen giggle at her misfortune) At least tell me I look taller?! (Courtney and Gwen start to walk off)

Courtney (teasingly): Oh, yes! You could be a runway model!

Gwen: That's a stretch. (Heather cracks her leg and hops on one foot after them. Cut to inside the banquet hall, all sorts of food is laid out on the table, as well as two treasure chests filled with gold and diamonds, Courtney and Gwen peer in through the window from outside)

Courtney: There's some kind of jewelry case on the table. I guess we go in and get it? Can it be that easy?

Heather (rubbing her back): You two "gal pals" go in. I'll guard the door!

Courtney: How is that fair?

Heather (miffed): I'll show you fair! Have you even SEEN the rack marks on my ankles?! (Points to the door as Gwen and Courtney back away slowly. Tyler holds back another scream as Noah tightens the bonds more)

Owen (watching him): Are you doing that yoga thing where you breathe through your toenails? (Tyler doesn't respond, he just keeps grunting in pain) Aw, that is SO cool! (The drawer opens up)

Noah: The clue!

Noah and Owen: Yes! (Cut to later on, Noah and Owen confidently run through the halls)

Owen: Hey, Noah! Know what's hilarious? (Noah suddenly stops, Owen runs past him)

Noah: We forgot Tyler!

Owen (walking back over): How is that hilarious? (Suddenly, Tyler screams loudly. Noah and Owen walk back to the room)

Noah: Sorry, dude, but you just got so good at being quiet that- (Notices that Tyler is gone)

Noah and Owen (panicked): NO! TYLER!

Confessional (Noah and Owen)

(The two hug and shiver, looking around frantically, making incoherent 'eep"ing noises)

End Confessional

(Cut to Heather standing at the dining hall's doors, filing her nails)

Heather (impatiently groaning): What is taking them so long?! (Suddenly, a shadow dashes across the screen, Heather gasps in fear. She looks around... until she sees the Ripper right next to her, she screams loudly. Cut to the dining hall, Gwen and Courtney search around the table)

Courtney (impatiently): C'mon, c'mon, where's the clue?! (Searches through the chest, bringing out certain items and tossing them aside) Gold toothpick? Emerald-studded toothbrush? What is wrong with these royals and their dentistry? (Gwen looks nervously at something off-screen)

Gwen (pointing): Ask the guard dogs. (Pan over to a pack of six, small brown dogs, they snarl furiously, Gwen and Courtney begin to back away fearfully) Hey, got anything round in there? (Courtney grabs a golden egg and tosses it to Gwen, who holds it above her head, all the dogs stop snarling and start panting happily) That's right, (tosses the ball from hand to hand) follow the shiny ball! Now sit! (The dogs all sit obediently)

Courtney (impressed): Oh, so cute! How did you do that?

Gwen (proudly): I taught my lizards obedience. (Spins the egg on her finger) I guess corgis are just as trainable. (A clue slips out of the egg, unbeknownst to her) And in-bred. (Snickers to herself)

Courtney (noticing the clue): Oh, clue! The clue! (Cut to outside, Courtney and Gwen walk proudly with the clue)

Gwen: Heather, we found the- (notices she's gone) Oh, no! (Picks up Heather's nail file, left on the ground)

Courtney: Three teammates- gone!

Gwen: Read the clue. (Courtney opens the envelope)

Courtney (reading it): Find the Ripper's most natural place; has two levels inside it's space. Go use your sack to bring the guy back, at the red starting line to the race. (Thinks hardly) Think, think!

Gwen: Okay, the Ripper's natural place. If I remember right from my speech, he did his dirty work in the White Chapel.

Courtney: So we go there, and we look for a two-story place! C'mon! (Runs off. Cut back to inside the dining hall, Noah throws things out of the other chest until he finds the clue in the egg)

Noah: Ah, I got it! I got the clue! (Snatches the clue and tosses the egg away)

Owen (off-screen): You call that an attack? (Chuckles) Hey, Noah! (Pan over to see that all the dogs have latched their teeth onto Owen, who doesn't seem to mind) Check it out, it's a fur coat for animal lovers! (Noah rolls his eyes and opens the envelope)

Noah (reading the clue); The Ripper's most natural place has two levels that make up it's space. Pfft, sure. Easy peasy.

Owen (trying to shake off a dog): Double-decker bus?

Noah (surprised): Y-yeah. (Grins) So there IS a brain in there; you've been holding out on me! (Walks off)

Owen: Holding out? I TOLD you I smuggled some wieners off the plane! (Pulls out a sausage, the dogs look at it longingly)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah (thoughtfully): Hmm... Smelly, gassy and a bit brain-dead, but I'll take what I can get. Besides, he's basically a walking tank; he took a plane to the head and STILL kept going!

End Confessional

(Cut to a building, people talking inside it are heard, Gwen and Courtney explore inside it)

Gwen: I guess we forgot that most of White Chapel would be closed!

Courtney: And the only place open would be a grungy-looking con club!

Gwen: I guess my hunch sucked; sorry. We are SO coming in last place...

Courtney (holding a brown sack): I don't wanna go back home empty-handed! We should fill the bag with SOMETHING!

? (off-screen): Welcome your number one jamming punk-crew band, the Schnitzel-Kicker! (Gwen and Courtney look at who's on the stage, Courtney gasps in surprise as the crowd cheers)

Gwen (disbelief): Holy schnitzel! Is that- (Cut to the double-decker bus, Noah and Owen approach it nervously, Owen holding a brown sack. They share a look and enter the bus, Owen first and Noah second, they peer inside it. It seems mostly abandoned, Owen and Noah share a shrug. They walk down the rows of seats cautiously)

Owen (nervous): Here, Ripper, Ripper! I have a lovely bag for you! (Suddenly, the Ripper silently drops down behind Noah, he clamps a hand on his mouth and grabs him and leaps back up to the second level, silently. Owen looks behind him to see that Noah is gone) Huh? (Looks forwards to see the Ripper shove a screaming Noah into the glass box at the driver's seat, he presses his face against the glass and screams, the Ripper turns towards Owen menacingly) Nobody locks my little buddy in the corner! (Empties his sack, which was full of the guard dogs) Royal beasts! Sick him! (The dogs suddenly attack Owen as he shouts in protest, the Ripper approaches Owen slowly, a loud chomp is heard) OW! My wiener! (Pan out to reveal that one of the dogs had snatched Owen's sausage from earlier happily, Owen accidentally kicks it out of it's mouth, sending it flying to the Ripper, who catches it instinctively, the dogs attack him ferociously, Owen stands back up in triumph) Ha ha! Gotcha!

Noah (relieved): All right, Owen! (Owen puts the Ripper in the sack)

Owen (triumphantly): Who's Jack the Ripper now, huh?! (Bends over and lets out a toot, causing the entire bus to fill up with gas, Owen snickers) Yeah! Oh, I touched cloth. (Walks over to Noah) Here, Noah, I'll let ya out!

Noah (panicking): NO! DON'T OPEN THE DOOR UNTIL THE AIR CLEARS!

Confessional (Owen)

Owen: That... was... AWESOME! (Chuckles) Not only did I bag a bandit, I got to save my little buddy Noah!

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: I think the big guy's earned a higher status than "Company-Keeper". I mean, he put Jack in the sack; anyone who does that is a friend in MY book! (Serious) But as much as I love winning, it means Alejandro gets to stay, which can't be the case any longer! Next elimination, Al gets the boot!

End Confessional

(Cut to the plane flying through the air, Chris and Chef stand next to a monitor showing footage of the bus, outside the castle, in the torture chamber and in the dining hall. The other contestants are there as well, even the ones captured, Owen drags his sack across the floor)

Owen: Sweet! Everybody's okay!

Heather: Yep! Everyone's fine! You guys were SO stupid to be worried! (Nervously laughs as Tyler, Sierra and Cody glare at her, Alejandro glares at Noah)

Alejandro: But it was reassuring to see SOME were concerned. (Glares daggers at Noah)

Noah (suddenly antsy): You were watching everything? (Alejandro sharpens his glare as Noah rubs his head awkwardly) Wow, that's... awkward.

Alejandro (spitefully): Like an eel dipped in grease. (Heather raises an eyebrow)

Noah (feigning a smile): Where I'm from that's a compliment! Tough neighborhood! (Alejandro just rolls his eyes, Heather cocks an eyebrow)

Confessional (Heather)

Heather (skeptically): What made Pencil-Neck so offensive to Alejandro? Does he know something? (Smirks) I'm just gonna have to find out- (pulls out a pen and pad) the Heather way!

End Confessional

Noah: But hey, we caught the Ripper-type guy! (Owen yanks the sack off to reveal an old man with white hair. The contestants gasp)

Gwen, Courtney, Alejandro and Heather: Old man Jenkins?! (Chris walks over and grabs the man's face, pulling it off to reveal that it had been masking... Ezekiel! The contestants gasp again) Ezekiel?!

Ezekiel (spitefully): Yeah, I turned my back on you guys! Not a lot you did for me anyways, eh?! Especially my old "teammates" who gave me the boot first in season one! (Courtney and Tyler share an awkward look)

Chef: Found him living in the cargo-hold, amongst the rats. He's lucky he didn't become all rabid and feral. But, he's still plenty mad at y'all.

Chris: I WAS gonna let him back in the game, IF he could avoid getting captured, but since he could not, he's out of the game again.

Ezekiel (angrily): And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling nobs! (Noah and Owen share a look. Cut to later on, Chef leads him to the Drop of Shame with a parachute)

Chef: Promise you'll stay off the plane this time? (Ezekiel nods) Good. (Kicks him out the door, causing him to scream and fall) Safe travels!

Heather: So who did Courtney and Gwen catch?

Gwen: Well, Chris wanted a criminal, so... okay, we didn't catch the right one, but- (yanks the sack off her criminal.. which turns out to be Duncan! The contestants gasp AGAIN)

Heather, Tyler, Sierra and Cody: Duncan?!

Duncan (angry): You brought me back HERE?! (Groans) Where's the stupid exit again?! (Begins to walk off, until Chris stops him)

Chris: Not so fast, quitter! Thought you could skip out on the game, eh? Though I wouldn't find you, hmm?

Gwen: Um, you didn't, we did. (Courtney nods) Sorry.

Chris: And that's why Team Amazon wins today's competish! (The Amazons cheer)

Noah and Owen: WHAT?!

Chris: Head on back to the elimination room, dudes! First class goes to the ladies! (Cody and Sierra smile) As a consolation prize, the D-Man's now on your team! (Points to Duncan) But someone else is gonna have to go. (Heather and Alejandro share a look and Tyler hangs his head is shame, Noah and Owen share a worried look)

Owen and Noah: Uh-oh... (Cut to the elimination room, Team Chris is seated on the bench, Chris stands at the podium with five passports in his hand)

Chris: And the contestant leaving with three votes against him is Noah! (Owen and Noah gasp as Alejandro smirks in victory)

Owen (falling to his knees and crying): Noooo! (Stops crying) Wait, take me instead! (Everyone else except for Chris gasps)

Chris (deadpan): Sure, whatever. As long as someone screams for me. (Tosses Owen a parachute)

Noah (in disbelief as Owen straps on his parachute): Wait, what?! Owen, what're you doing?!

Owen: Buddy, there's no one else in this world who I'd travel with, but it's YOUR time to shine! I'm willing to go if it means you get to stay!

Noah (saddened): Gee, big guy... I dunno what to say. (Owen smiles gently as Tyler and Duncan walk up)

Duncan: Shoot, man. I just got back and now I'm losing ya?

Tyler: I'm gonna miss ya, dude. (Owen smiles to each of them)

Noah: You're gonna hug us, aren't you? (Owen nods and wraps them all in a bear hug, Noah, Tyler and Duncan all gasp for breath)

Owen: Hey, Al! Why don't you join us?!

Alejandro (simply): I cannot, but just know that for as calm as I am on the outside I am deeply saddened on the inside.

Noah (under his breath): Yeah, right. (Owen lets the guys go and jumps... only to get stuck in the doorway)

Owen: Ooh, uh, a little help, Al?! (Alejandro walks over to Owen and swiftly kicks him in the butt, dislodging him from the doorway and causing him to fart in Alejandro's mouth, who falls to his knees and claws at his throat as he gags)

Chris: Well, that concludes tonight's elimination! See you all tomorrow for your next torture!

Confessional (Noah)

Noah (glaring): Don't worry, big guy. I swear, that eel goes down!

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro: Curse you, Owen. The only one who knows my plan is still on the loose! I must exterminate this rat quickly!

End Confessional

(Near the confessional, Duncan and Courtney glare at each other)

Courtney (angry): I hate you a-and your juvie, punk Mohawk! (Suddenly pulls him into a hug) Oh, I'm so glad you're okay... (Takes out her chart) Now, I have a list of things that you should change if we wanna stay in a long-term relationship-

Duncan (angry): You know what?! Forget it! (Courtney just stares in shock)

Courtney: W-what?

Duncan: Look, I enjoyed what we had, but a guy can take only so many kicks to the kiwis before saying "Later, psycho!" We're through! (Courtney begins to tear up... then she drives her foot into his kiwis and runs off, crying, Duncan crumples to the ground, holding his kiwis in pain, Gwen walks up to him)

Gwen: Woah, that was chaotic. You okay?

Duncan (pained): Y'know, just another kick to the kiwis; just the standard punishment for not doing what she wants. (Gwen snickers, Duncan stands back up, noticeing Gwen's red hand) What happened to your paw?

Gwen: Oh, this? Strangest thing- I have no idea. (The two snicker as Duncan grabs it, Gwen winces in pain) OW!

Duncan: Wow, that bad, huh? Uh, sorry... (The two snicker a bit, nervously) Y'know, every time I ran away from a cop, I thought of you. (The two look at each other... and then start kissing. Tyler pokes his head out from off-screen, wide-eyed with shock, they don't see him. He shrinks back off-screen slowly, pan out to reveal that the entire thing was recorded on the monitor at the front of the plane)

Chris (flying the plane with Chef): Woah! Didn't see that coming! I wonder how well Courtney's gonna take it? Find out next time on Total! Drama! WOOOORLD TOOOOOOOOUR!

End Credits

* * *

_Votes-_

_Alejandro- Noah_

_Duncan- Noah_

_Noah- Alejandro_

_Owen- Alejandro_

_Tyler- Noah_

_Eliminated- Owen_

* * *

**And that concludes this episode! Chapter? Chaptersode! Whatever.**

**Anyways, this is something I'll try to update weekly. It'll be a short series, but the changes will most certainly be drastic! In any case, tune in next time for more Total! Drama! WOOOOORRRLLLD TOOOOOOOUR REEEEEEEEEWRIIIIIIIIIIITE!**

**...**

**Oh... fbeepk me.**


	2. Greece's Pieces

**Hello again everybody! Good news, now that I've cleared my plate for the next couple months, updates on Smash Banter will be more frequent now! For now, enjoy your weekly dose of TDWT rewrite!**

* * *

TDWT Rewrite  
Episode 14 Greece's Pieces

Chris (voiceover, clips of the last episode play): Previously on Total Drama World Tour, London, England! Home to royalty, history and some very hard buses. (The clip of Owen crushing Noah on the bus is played) CURUNCH! Here, Heather went through a painful growing period! Noah discovered the villainous plot of Alejandro, who discovered that the brainiac was onto him! We said a surprise hello to Duncan, and a sad goodbye to Owen, and last, but not least, Duncan and Gwen had a "steamy" private moment... that wasn't completely private! (Cut to the front of the plane) It's almost like someone set up a camera near the confessional ON PURPOSE just so this would happen! But who's got two thumbs and would've done that? (Flashes a smile and point both of his own thumbs at himself) We've got nine competitors left and a million dollars on the line! Who's game is getting old? And who's strong enough to grab the gold? Find out right now on Total! Drama! World Tour!

Opening Credits

(Courtney and Gwen sit on the couch in the first class)

Courtney (sighing, contempt): He looks SO good! Doesn't he look good? (Gwen raises an eyebrow)

Gwen (confused): Who, Duncan? Didn't you two break up?

Courtney: Pssh, oh please. He was probably just mad that we brought him back. He should be fine now. (Gwen looks around nervously)

Gwen (hiding her nervousness): Well, then, I guess he looks great? I'm so happy... (suddenly) For you! Happy for you!

Courtney: Don't get me wrong, he's not perfect. (Brings out her list) I made a little list of the things that need to change, but once I change these forty-seven things about him (unfolds the paper, which is almost larger than the couch, Gwen recoils) he WILL be perfect!

Confessional (Gwen)

Gwen (worried): Ugh, what am I doing?! What is SHE doing! Did she not hear him, they broke up! (Groans) But that doesn't justify what I did! The moment I finally become friend-ish with Courtney, I KISS her... well, maybe not her boyfriend, but here three-second old ex! I'm a horrible person! If it happens again, I'll tell her. (Swoons) Oooh, is it wrong that I really want it to happen again?! (Grips her head) Horrible person!

Confessional (Courtney)

Courtney (relieved): It's so nice to have a girl to talk to! Especially now that Duncan's back! I mean, sure, we had a bit of a fallout yesterday, but we're still back on! (Thinks) I think. In any case, I hope Gwen doesn't have a crush on him still. I mean, who wouldn't, but still, he's MY boyfriend!

End Confessional

Courtney: Could you imagine if you, me and Duncan end up in the final three?

Gwen (feigning innocence): That would be crazy!

Courtney: Just you, me and MY boyfriend! (Sighs) What'd you think Chris would do to turn us against each other?

Gwen: Oh, let's not guess; I'd rather it be a surprise! (Laughs nervously. Cut to economy class, Duncan and Noah sleep on one side, Alejandro and Tyler sit together on the other side, Tyler is listening to music on his MP3 player)

Noah (screaming in his sleep): Owen! Don't eat the poisoned food, it's been poisoned by Al! (Snaps awake, screaming, he looks around, panicked but then calms down. He notices Alejandro and Tyler glaring at him, Alejandro shaking his head in disapproval) Oh, uh, was I talking in my sleep? (Nervously chuckles) Sorry... (Stands up) I'll just... go... away. (Walks off)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: Tyler became Alejandro's newest lap dog ever since they were stuck on the plane in London. What's worse is they tried to eliminate me! (Sighs, saddened) Owen... why'd that big sack of ham sacrifice himself for me?! (Sighs) I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I miss the big guy and his farts. It just doesn't seem like I'm on the same plane anymore... (Snaps out of it) But I've got to make the most of my time that I have left on this show; without an ally, my days are numbered. (Thinks) Alejandro hates my guts and Tyler follows him around like a lost puppy, so that leaves... (gulps) Duncan.

End Confessional

(Duncan snores, Tyler shivers in fear as he looks at him)

Alejandro (feigning concern): Something wrong, Tyler? If you tell me, maybe I can help? (Tyler thinks about this)

Tyler (whispering): I saw something. (Duncan yawns loudly as he wakes up)

Duncan (rested): Oh, wow that was a deep sleep! (Stretches) Sleep of the dead. (Snickers) Ha! Y'know what I mean, Tyler? Dead! (Tyler cringes in fear, Alejandro watches with interest)

Confessional (Duncan)

Duncan: Tyler saw me and Gwen kissing, and now he's all freaked out. But I think he knows better than to talk about it. (Threatening) He BETTER know better!

Confessional (Tyler)

Tyler (scratching his chin): I'm bad with secrets.

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro (lounging): Duncan and Tyler... I must figure out what's going on there, and USE it! (Scowls) That is, if Noah doesn't beat me to it first! He's discovered my plan, and because of that useless butter-donkey Owen, he's still roaming free! (Grins) But with the right "motivation" he'll know to steer clear... (Chuckles darkly)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah (serious): Al needs to go. The longer he stays here, the more damage he'll cause. I don't like anyone here, but that doesn't mean I want them to go through what the others have either! (Glares) Especially what he made Owen do! You're going down, AL!

End Confessional

(Noah exits the confessional... and sees Alejandro waiting for him, holding an apple)

Noah (nervous): Oh, uh... Hey, Al. (Alejandro glares at him) Y-you didn't hear that just now did you? Because, like I said, tough neighborhood-

Alejandro (threatening): Here's the deal, Noah. If you squeak about what you heard, or about what you know, well... (Chuckles darkly) You saw what happened to Bridgette and LeShawna. (Feigning sympathy) Tricked into elimination... most unfortunate, especially when they had soul mates to return to. (Noah gulps as Alejandro glares at him) But, what happened to them is merciful compared to what someone may do to you if you say the wrong thing. (Crushes the apple in his hand effortlessly, Noah winces) Get the picture? (Noah nods) Good. Now, this conversation didn't happen. (Walks off, glaring at Noah. Cut to economy class, the two teams meet with Chris)

Chris: Prepare yourselves for challenges, of an amateur caliber! (Duncan, Tyler and Alejandro grin confidently, Courtney claps in approval as Gwen and Sierra smile) Because we're recreating the original Olympics! (Suddenly, no one looks happy anymore) And we're headed to the birthplace of the Olympics right now in-

Noah: Greece?  
Sierra: Atlantis?!  
Tyler: Mt. Olympics?

Chris: Wrong, fictional and what?! We're going to Rome, Italy!

Noah (disbelief): Wait, what?!

Alejandro: Noah was correct; the Olympics was originated in Greece. (Noah scowls at him as Alejandro flashes a smug grin)

Chris: No, they originated-

Gwen: Greece, they're right. (Chris brings out his script and looks through the papers, he glares angrily)

Chris: INTERNS! (Two interns quickly dash to Chris' side, one with blonde hair and a blue shirt, the other with black hair and a red shirt, the red shirt intern looks nervous) Everyone should hang onto something. (Glares at the red shirted intern) Everyone 'cept you! (Suddenly, the plane tilts on it's side, the intern falls out the door, screaming, the plane straightens back up, Chris glares at the blue-shirted intern) YOU might wanna find some info on Greece. Quickly. (The intern scurries off, Chris turns back to the contestants) Oh yeah, and one more announcement- apparently the last song in London was a little, ahem, disturbing-

Noah: Disturbing? That song was as disgusting as a pile of trash mixed into a barrel of toxic waste inside a giant dish of Chef's in-flight meals! (The others laugh)

Chris (sly): Careful Noah, you might wanna remember the fact that Chef fixes ALL of your in-flight meals! (Noah looks over at Chef nervously, who has a knife in his hand and a packaged chicken in the other, with a simple slice, he shreds the leg off the chicken effortlessly, Noah gulps in fear) As I was saying, because a lot of people found last episode's song a bit disturbing, the producers have decided that singing is no longer a factor of this season! You are free from making our ears bleed every episode, unless you all wanna sing disco-

Everyone (Noah the loudest): NO!

Chris (disappointed): Fine, then no more singing. (Everyone (except Courtney) cheer in relief) So, Greece it is... (laughs evilly, walks to the front of the plane) Chef, slight change of plans.

Confessional (Duncan)

Duncan (relieved): Oh, thank goodness! I was not ready to be brought back only to sing again!

Confessional (Noah)

Noah (awkwardly): Yeah, disco... I have a weird condition where if I hear disco music I suddenly start to DANCE to it... violently. (Shivers) Not exactly fun when you have four older, more annoying brothers who'll do anything to rag on you.

Confessional (Courtney)

Courtney: No more singing?! (Scoffs in disgust) The producers probably though my voice was charming too many viewers; (grins deviously) not enough fans for the other contestants, it seems.

Noah (from outside the confessional): Oh yeah, people LOVE the sound of your voice! You're a REAL Snow White there, Miss CIT! (Courtney scowls)

End Confessional

Sierra (threateningly to Team Chris): Prepare yourself for battle!

Alejandro (confidently): Child's play. There's no way us athletes will lose an Olympic challenge to a team with no men! (Cody sighs as Sierra pouts)

Heather (poking Alejandro in the chest): Hope you look good in silver. I'm GREAT in gold.

Noah (rolling his eyes): Uh-huh, you're a REAL King Midas there, commando ponytail. (Heather scowls at him. As they argue, Duncan wiggles his eyebrows at Gwen, who swoons a bit... until she notices Courtney glaring at her)

Gwen (beginning to walk off): Hey... (Courtney grabs her shoulder and stops here as the others walk off)

Courtney (suspicious): What was that?

Gwen (feigning innocence): What was what?

Courtney: You were staring at Duncan.

Gwen: Oh, uh, I was just, uh, (scoffs in disgust) you REALLY gotta do something about that Mohawk.

Courtney (relieved): That WAS number seven on the list of things to change, but now I kinda like it. (Sighs happily) Love does funny things. (Walks off)

Gwen (nervously rubbing her arm): Oh, yeah, love is hysterical! (Facepalms once she's gone. Cut to the ruins of a coliseum, the two teams and Chris stand outside it)

Chris (reading a script the intern has made for him): Welcome to the Acropolis in Athens, Greece! Home to many of the very first Olympians, who, as my intern informed me (the intern smiles proudly) competed naked!

Noah (disbelief): Whoa, what?! You're gonna make us strip AGAIN?!

Tyler: All right, time to drop the laundry... (Everyone gasps and covers their eyes)

Chris (quickly): Wha- nononono! That was just a quirky fact, not an order, there's NO need to be a hundred percent accurate. Stay dressed. VERY dressed.

Noah (confessional)

Noah (deadpan): Only cause he'll most likely get a law suit for making teenagers strip. (Looks around nervously) Is it bad that I want to strip now?

End Confessional

Chris: Today we're gonna do things a bit differently. Since Team Chris is Really, Really, Really Hot is down a man, and Team Amazon is an all-girl team- (Cody groans and Sierra pouts again) in order to make things fair, all of today's challenges will be one-on-one matches. Every victory wins you a gold medal. The team with the most gold medals wins first-class tickets to our next destination. Second place wins a brutal elimination ceremony.

Tyler: And silver medals, right? Second place gets silver?

Chris (annoyed): There are no silver medals, just gold.

Tyler: But at the Olympics-

Chris: Just gold, that's it.

Confessional (Tyler)

Tyler (dreamily): As a kid, I always fantasied about being an Olympian! (Stands with his chest puffed out) Standing at the podium with my head held high, (tearing up) as I listen to the national anthem... of some other country! (Almost crying) Bringing home another silver for Canada... (Wipes a tear away)

End Confessional

(Chris leads the teams the Acropolis)

Chris: Our first historical event is a Grecian scavenger hunt! The inside of the odium of Percale is filled with maze-like rows of huge columns! Players must search through this ancient forest of columns and return with the Grecian treasure that awaits you inside! First one to do so takes the gold! So, who's going in.

Gwen and Duncan (stepping forwards): Me! (They and Courtney gasp in shock)

Gwen, Courtney and Duncan: What? (Gwen and Duncan start trying to tell each other that they'll back out)

Chris: Gwen versus Duncan it is!

Courtney (weirded out): Wow! That is so... (thinks) Fun! (Alejandro strikes his chin, thinking)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro: Now there's tension between Duncan and Gwen? Perhaps Tyler and Gwen are secretly dating and Duncan is- (Realizes the absurdity) Uh, nonono. (Smirks deviously) Patience.

Confessional (Sierra)

Sierra: Did you see those sparks? (Giddy) Gwen had a crush on Duncan from season one! And he's ALWAYS had something for her too! There's a whole fanbase dedicated to Gwuncan! I wonder if this year a new relationship fanbase will start for Sieody! (Squeals in delight) No, no- Coderra! (Giggles and squeals in delight)

End Confessional

Duncan: What's the big deal, just let someone else do this event!

Chris: My decision is final, Duncan! (Duncan mutters something under his breath) ExCUSE me?

Duncan (feigning innocence): I didn't say anything.

Chris: And you WON'T say anything else until the Olympics are over! Between now and then, you can either zip it or sing it, that'll begin to make up for the songs you missed while you were in breach of you contract, AND if you speak instead of singing, you'll earn a lash from Chef's Olympic towel!

Duncan (disbelief): WHAT?! You said-

Chris: Exhibit A! (Chef, who is dressed up like a Spartan, whips Duncan's butt with a towel, Duncan hollers in pain and holds his butt)

Duncan: OW!

Chris: Really should've sung that ow, bro. (Chef whips him again)

Duncan (singing in pain):_ OOOOOOOW!_

Chris (pleased): MUCH better. (Snickers)

Confessional (Noah)

(Noah laughs loudly, then calms down)

Noah (looking at the camera): What? He pants'd me!

End Confessional

Alejandro: Wait, but you said there would be no more songs.

Chris: Not from the rest of y'all. But Duncan the canary still has to tweet! (Snickers as Duncan glares at him, he hands him a trash can lid to Duncan and another to Gwen)

Gwen: Uh, why do we need these?

Chris: These authentic Spartan shields will help you on your treasure hunt, for the treasure you seek is tied to an erymanthian boar! (Pan over to a giant bear with tusks, a gold medal is hung around his neck, it snarls viciously at the camera. Pan back to the teams) Good luck to you both. Duncan, Chef will be following you, so be sure to sing it if you gotta say it. Chef! Sound the Spartan battle horn! (Chef pulls out a kazoo and blows into it, Chris groans) THAT'S the Spartan battle horn? For reals? Just go already! (Gwen, Duncan and Chef walk off) The rest of you, follow me! (They walk off in the opposite direction)

Courtney (concerned): We're not gonna stay and watch? Closely? At all times?

Chris: Nope! Time to flip channels, just like the REAL Olympics! (Courtney gives another concerned glance and then follows them. Cut to a wide open area, the teams surround a sand pit) Pankration is an ancient Greek martial art with NO RULES! Last man standing wins the gold!

Courtney: As the strongest Amazon, I volunteer to fight for our team!

Cody: I'm pretty sure I'M the strongest! (Flexes his "muscles", Courtney laughs at him and Sierra glares at her)

Courtney: As I was saying- (Gets cut off by a groaning Sierra)

Sierra (suddenly mad): That's it! I volunteer to fight Courtney!

Chris (confused): Um... (Turns the other way) I need someone from Team I'm Really, Really, Really Hot to get involved here. Anyone?

Noah (muttering to himself): Alejandro would, but it'd mess up his oily locks-

Alejandro (slyly): What's that Noah? YOU volunteer? Why, how BRAVE of you! (Glares at him) I shall partake in this fight as well, even IF my very handsome looks may be ruined. (Smirks at Noah, who scowls back at him)

Noah (shocked): What?! No, no I don't-

Chris: Great! That's two dudes against three chicks- (Cody moans) who else wants to fight?

Tyler: Wait, I was on the wrestling team in grade school!

Alejandro: Then we shall make an arrangement! You can take my spot if you swear you'll repay me with a favor down the road. (Tyler flashes a thumbs-up, Noah's gaze narrows at this)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: Now I KNOW the eel is up to something... but what?

End Confessional

(Tyler glares at the girls ferociously)

Tyler (threateningly): We're gonna DESTROY you! (Shakes his head crazily, Noah raises an eyebrow as Courtney and Sierra snarl at him)

Noah (nervously chuckling): I'm in danger.

Chris: Sold! Into the ring with all of ya! (Noah takes his place in the ring)

Tyler (dreamily): My first Olympics! This is so cool! (Suddenly, Cody charges him, shouting in challenge, Tyler blinks and out-stretches his arm, Cody runs right into it and gets sent flying, screaming, Sierra screams)

Sierra: NO!

Courtney: Yeah, I-I hope Gwen is doing better than we are. (Cut to the maze, the boar smacks Duncan around and then knocks him on his back, he then begins shoving on his back, loud cracks are heard, suddenly Cody flies from out of nowhere, knocking the boar off Duncan and off-screen, Duncan laughs in relief)

Duncan: Way to help ME, dorkus. (Suddenly, Chef whips him) OW! (Cut to Sierra holding Tyler in a choke-hold with her legs)

Sierra (panting): This is for hurting Cody! (Tyler grunts in pain, Noah and Courtney square up on each other, Courtney throws two punches that Noah dodges)

Heather: That's it, Courtney! You show him who's boss! Go Amazons, wooohoo!

Alejandro: C'mon, Noah, just pin her already!

Noah (distracted): Unlike you and your slippery ways, I prefer not to hurt girls, you- (Courtney punches him across the face, causing him to back up in pain) OW! (Courtney roars in triumph)

Cody (running back on-screen): Never fear, ladies! I'm back to save ya!

Courtney: Just stay out of our way, Cody! (Sierra tightens her choke-hold on Tyler, causing him to fall over, out of breath)

Chris: And Tyler is out! Seriously dude, getting T. by a girl? (Tyler groans)

Courtney: At least he didn't lose to pip-squeak over here! (Motions to Cody, who groans)

Sierra (angry): Pip-squeak?! That's it! (Roars and lunges at Courtney, but before she can hit her, she falls over, suddenly sleeping, there is a sleep dart in her leg)

Chris (revealed to be the shooter): Seriously, I like in-fighting and all, but I'd rather see you guys beat each other up for a bit longer. (Heather face palms)

Alejandro (gloatingly): Your team is fierce, but you'll need to be fighting US. (Courtney and Cody glare menacingly at Noah, who backs away in fear, he backs up next to Tyler, who is rubbing his neck in pain, Noah notices Tyler's MP3 player, he suddenly gets an idea)

Noah: Tyler, have you got any disco songs on that?

Tyler: Huh? Yeah, why? (Noah snatches his MP3 player) Hey! (Noah searches frantically through the music as Courtney and Cody slowly approach, he finally chooses a song and sticks the ear buds into his ears, disco music can be heard, Noah's eyes suddenly go walled, Tyler cocks an eyebrow) Noah? (Noah suddenly strikes a pose, smacking Tyler in the face) OW! (Courtney and Cody stop their advance, Noah leaps in between them and smacks them in the face, stomach and legs with various disco dance moves, Heather, Alejandro and Tyler watch in awe. When the song stops, Cody and Courtney groan and fall over in pain, Noah snaps out of it and looks at them, pulling out the ear buds)

Noah: Uh, you guys okay? (They groan) I'll take that as a no.

Chris (walking over with two gold medals): That's two gold for Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot! (Places them on Noah's neck, who falls over due to the weight)

Courtney (disbelief): TWO?!

Chris: Hey, it was supposed to be a one-on-one challenge, but you guys turned it into a team event!

Noah (struggling): A little help?! (Tyler rushes over and pulls the medals off of Noah and places them around his own neck, Noah stands back up)

Chris: In a world where Noah can win an Olympic gold medal, do the Amazons really stand a chance? Find out when we come back on Total! Drama!

Chris and Tyler: WORLD TOOOOUR!

Commercial Break

(Cut to Gwen nervously wandering backwards though the maze)

Gwen (nervous): Here, boar, boar, boar! (Suddenly backs into Duncan, they both gasp but then calm down)

Gwen (relieved): Oh, hey-

Duncan (singing):_ Oh hey, I just-_

Gwen: What-

Duncan:_ You go first!_

Gwen: S-sorry just- (They both sigh, then smile at each other)

Duncan:_ So, how has Courtney bEEEeeen?!_ (Rolling his eyes)_ Like I care..._

Gwen: Well she thinks that you two are still dating for starters. (Suddenly, the bell rings)

Chris: Music time! Gwen, you don't have to sing, but Duncan has to! Good luck! (The music starts up)

Duncan (surprised):_ I don't know what I was thinking, but I've no regrets. But for real, she thinks we're still dating?_

Gwen: Eh, more or less. (Duncan scoffs)

Duncan:_ Of course she does... What about you; has she figured out?!_ (Gwen shushes him)

Gwen: No but I'm afraid sooner or later my luck will run out! (Alejandro hides behind a column, interested)

Duncan (walking up to a statue shaped like Tyler):_ Someone saw something he shouldn't have, and soon a price we'll have to pay-_

Gwen: But seriously, what were we thinking when we made out in the hallway?

Duncan:_ I thought that hallway could contain our privacYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyy..._

Courtney (hearing him): He's got such a great voice; I can't make out the lyrics, though. (Calling out) SPEAK UP! (Chris shushes her)

Duncan (walking up to a statue shaped like Courtney):_ Fine, let's do it! Let's clear the air!_

Gwen (nervous): Save it for later, look out for that bear! (Points behind him, the boar has snuck up behind him, he screams as the boar punches him around)

Duncan (pained): _The pain, the pain, too much to explain!_ (The boar crushes him) OW! (Gwen leaps up on the boar and snatches the medal of it's neck as it mauls Duncan) _Oh the absolute madness, it'll make me go insane!_

Gwen (proudly): Well, that's too bad, cause I guess I just won this game! (Runs back over to her teammates)

Courtney: Nice one, Gwen! (She and Gwen high five)

Gwen: Yes!

Courtney: Is Duncan okay? How long were you guys alone together before we got here?

Chris (interrupting her): Next event, moving on!

Courtney: What about Duncan? Shouldn't we do something about that?

Chris (impatiently): Chef'll do that, moving on! (They all walk off, Alejandro grins at Tyler, who hangs his head. Noah cocks an eyebrow at this)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: Alejandro let Tyler take his place in the fight in exchange for a favor, but why would anyone want a favor from TYLER of all people? (Thinks) What does he know...?

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro (deviously): Interesting song. Someone's been VERY naughty.

End Confessional

(Cut to outside the Acropolis, the teams are gathered near a track with two sets of hurdles spread throughout it, each hurdle is larger than the last)

Chris: Welcome to the hurdles event! The ultimate test of speed and flexibility! The teams must leap higher and higher over the hurdles while they race for the finish line. First one to cross wins the gold. And since Heather and Alejandro are the only two yet to compete, they'll be going head-to-head!

Heather (gloatingly to Alejandro): Sorry, but I'm fast AND flexible! (Stretches her leg behind her back effortlessly)

Tyler (whispering to Alejandro): If we lose tonight, we're gonna vote out whoever DIDN'T win a medal, right?

Confessional (Tyler)

Tyler: By that I mean Duncan. Sooner he's gone, the better.

End Confessional

(Alejandro effortlessly splits and ties his hair into a bun. With his FEET. He stands back up, Heather shocked in awe)

Tyler (confident): Oh yeah! (He and Alejandro high five)

Noah: Of course, because eels don't have any bones- or spines, for that matter. (Alejandro glares at him)

Confessional (Gwen)

Gwen (freaked out): NO MAN should be that flexible!

End Confessional

Sierra (angrily to Courtney): That should be Cody out there! In second grade, he competed in a hurdles event, (pulls him into a hug) and WON a participation award! (Sighs dreamily)

Chris (freaked out): The things you know frighten all of us. Really. They do. (Cut to later on, Alejandro and Heather are at the starting line, ready to run) On your mark! Get set! (Blows an air horn, the two take off, neck and neck, the leap over the first hurdle, then the second, Heather begins to lag behind as they jump the third, Alejandro turns around and runs backwards)

Alejandro (gloatingly): Don't worry! You can borrow my medal if you ever need to look like a winner! (Tyler runs around in circles, high fiving Noah, who has his hand out-stretched)

Tyler (happily): Ha ha! (Each time he smacks Noah's hand) Gold, gold, gold, gold! (Alejandro now hand walks, somersaulting over each hurdle) Dude, c'mon! C'mon!

Noah (impatient): Just finish it, Ale-hand-o! (Alejandro and Heather leap over the next one, Alejandro back on his feet)

Alejandro (distracted): Relax, my friend! ...And Noah. Victory is at hand! (Smacks into the last hurdle, causing him to fall over, Heather dives over it and tucks into a roll. Sierra, Courtney and Gwen shout words of encouragement, Alejandro gasps and stands back up, chasing and gaining on her... until she crosses the finish line!)

Heather: YES!

Alejandro (sliding to his knees in defeat): NO!

Chris (holding a gold medal): A gold for the Amazons! (Sierra hollers as Tyler sobs loudly, Noah just rolls his eyes. Cut to an beat-up and unconscious Duncan, the boar licks his face, causing him to mumble... He wakes up and screams loudly as the boar snarls at him. It is tied to a giant boulder, but that doesn't stop the boar from slowly pursuing Duncan, who backs away in fear)

Duncan (shock): What the- (Chef suddenly whips his rear)_ OWWWW, DUDE! Is it over?!_ (Chef nods evilly)_ So I should get back to my team._(Chef nods again)_ Know where the exit is?_ (Chef shakes his head)_ Peeeerfeeeect!_ (Walks off. Cut to back outside the Acropolis)

Courtney (impatient): Okay, seriously, WHERE is Duncan?

Chris (standing on a slab of marble): Duncan will join us as soon as he can. Y'know, if he's still alive.

Gwen (disbelief): IF?! What does that mean?! (Courtney glares at her)

Chris (impatient): Can we focus on the game, please? (Normally) It's time for the dreaded tie-breaker!

Courtney: One sec, Chris. (Turns to Gwen accusingly) You sounded really concerned there.

Gwen (stuttering): Well, I-

Noah (deadpan): And YOU of all people didn't, Miss CIT. Can't she be concerned for a friend? (Courtney glares at him)

Courtney: What would YOU know about friends, Noah-It-All? You don't have any!

Noah (not caring): Ooh, ouch, that cut like a knife. (Courtney growls)

Courtney (angrily): Stay out of it, Noah! (Back to Gwen) You sounded like you "get it"... like you know how it FEELS.

Gwen (looking around nervously): Uh, look! Wings! (Points to a rack with two sets of wings hanging on it, an intern rolls it on-screen)

Chris: Can I have your attention, please? Chef's spent over one hour building two sets of wings out of wax and the feathers we find in the plane's engine. One member from each team must strap on the wings and take flight, (points upward) all the way up there. (Pan up to a gold medal hanging from a crane, it is high over the Acropolis) Whoever snags the gold medal out of the sky wins the Olympics and first class passage to their team.

Noah (confused): Uh, sounds kinda dangerous... and impossible... and defies all known laws of physics, gravity and aviation.

Chris: Not at all. (Suddenly, the wings come apart and turn into piles of feathers, the intern quickly rolls the rack away, runs on-screen with a vacuum and sucks all the feathers up, Chris shouts over the noise) We're gonna need some more wax! (Maliciously) So, who's going up?

Cody (confidently): I'll do it! (Romantically towards Gwen) For all of you- (Sierra grabs him and hugs him and squeals)

Sierra (overly delighted): Thank you, Cody!

Chris: Team Me? Super hot me? Who's going?

Tyler (confidently): I'll do it! To the extreme! WOOO!

Chris: And since it's a tie breaker, before you two strap on your wings- (pulls up two red costumes) please dress up in these authentic Spartan battle costumes. (Sierra hugs Cody tighter and squeal louder)

Sierra (still delighted): Costumes! (Cut to later on, Tyler and Cody are now wearing capes, sandals, golden bracelets, anklets and loincloths, other than that they wear no other clothes, they both have their wings strapped on, Sierra gasps in admiration)

Sierra (admiring Cody): He's like an angel...

Alejandro: Those costumes are not authent- (Sierra slaps a hand over his mouth and shushes him, much to Noah's amusement)

Sierra (giddy): No one cares! (Walks off, Alejandro wipes his mouth as Noah snickers at him, until Al wipes his hand on Noah's sleeve, who backs away in disgust)

Noah (recovering): This is gonna be a close one...

Alejandro: Yes. TOO close. (Gets an idea) Someone needs to create a distraction to slow them down. (Walks over to Tyler) Time to pay back that favor! Please tell Courtney what you know about Duncan and Gwen! (Courtney gasps and glares at Gwen)

Chris (notching an arrow with a flaming marshmallow impaled on the tip): On your marks...

Alejandro (sternly): NOW. (Gwen rubs her arm nervously, Tyler bites his bottom lip... and then shouts loudly)

Tyler (quickly): I saw Duncan and Gwen kiss! (Sighs in relief)

Courtney (disbelief): WHAT?! (Everyone else gasps, except for Noah, who just shrugs, deadpanned)

Tyler (relieved): Oh, man that's a load off!

Alejandro (faking helpfulness): He said he saw- (Courtney turns to Gwen and growls loudly)

Chris (aiming his arrow): Get set!

Courtney (furiously to Gwen, Sierra holds her back): HOW COULD YOU?! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIEND-ISH! (Tries to clobber Gwen to no avail, Sierra holds her back) I hate you! I HATE YOOOOU!

Chris (shooting his arrow): GO! (Tyler immediately takes off, flapping his wings, Cody just stands there)

Cody (bewildered): Duncan?! DUNCAN?! (Duncan scoots over)

Duncan: You called?! (Sees Cody's outfit and snickers) Nice bikini! (Cody glares... and effortlessly socks Duncan across the face, he falls over in pain, Chef whips him while he's down)

Chef: SING IT!

Sierra (holding back Courtney): FLY, CODY! FLY!

Courtney (furious): Cody, stay where you are. (Glares menacingly at Gwen)

Sierra: But, we'll lose. (Sits for a few seconds... then gasps in realization) Oh. Cody, stay where you are!

Courtney (to Gwen): YOU are so (one syllable at a time) e-li-min-at-ed! (Gwen's eyes tear up)

Heather: She's got MY vote.  
Sierra: Agreed.

(Cody looks up to see Tyler halfway there, he starts to fly after him, panting heavily)

Confessional (Cody)

Cody: I'll do ANYTHING for Gwen! She has to kiss ME eventually!

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: Quick poll, did anyone not see it coming? Now, all of you put down your hands, I know you're all lying.

End Confessional

(Cody has almost caught up to Tyler, they are near the top, feathers come loose from both of their wings, but Tyler is losing more, Alejandro picks a feather out of the air and examines it)

Alejandro: Their wings are molting!

Noah: Way to point out the obvious there, eel. (They glare at each other)

Gwen (hopeful): C'mon, Cody...

Courtney (furious): YOU DON'T GET TO CHEER! (Tyler reaches the gold first, but before he grabs it all the feathers fall off his wings, he flaps fruitlessly and falls down, screaming, he lands on the ground with a thud)

Chris (cringing in sympathy): Nasty! (Cody reaches the medal next, he grabs it in his mouth and falls out of the sky, screaming)

Tyler (getting up, relieved): I don't believe it! Not even a scratch! (Cody suddenly lands on him, an audible crack is heard)

Chris: Amazons win! And the losers are headed back to the elimination room, for the second time in a row.

Gwen (relieved): Yes! (Courtney smacks her across the face. Cut to the plane, it flies though the night sky, Cody and Sierra sit at the bar in first class)

Cody (opening and closing his fist): Oh, wow. I had no idea punching could hurt the fist too!

Sierra (excited): You knocked out Duncan! (Squeals in delight) OMG! Your fans are gonna lose it! (Squeals again) Like this, like this- (Squeals AGAIN and claps. Courtney sobs loudly as Heather... comforts her. Gwen sits by herself, ashamed)

Confessional (Gwen)

Gwen (lounging): The kiss was GREAT, really great! But was it worth it? I'm certainly not gonna last much longer. And Duncan is probably getting eliminated right now! (Gasps and charges out of the confessional)

Confessional (Team Chris)

(The screens are set up in quarters, each of them silently vote without revealing their choice)

End Confessional

(Gwen sneaks up behind the tiki statue, the four are seated on the bench)

Chris (holding four peanut bags, his intern holds a parachute): So. Here we are. Let's look at why. Tyler volunteered for, and lost, the tie-breaker, which is why you're all here, plus he got T. by a girl. Funny? Yes. But not helpful. Alejandro blew it in the hurdles, which forced the tie-breaker, which is why you're all here. PLUS, he knocked himself out cold trying to out-man a girl. All this while his hair was in a ponytail!

Alejandro: What does my hair have to do with-

Chris (ignoring him): And Duncan? He lost his first challenge back and managed to ruffle a lot of melted feathers. Plus, if all the girls get eliminated, we have NO idea who he'll try to kiss next. (Duncan scoffs) So, lets hand out rewards. First up, Noah! (Tosses him a bag, which hits Noah in the face)

Noah (rubbing his face): OW!

Chris: Interesting vote, dude! But still not enough. (Alejandro and Noah glare at each other) Alejandro! (Tosses him a bag, he catches it)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro (spiteful): So, the little rat wasn't all that threatened after all? (Evilly snickers) That will be a quick fix.

End Confessional

Alejandro: Wait, there are four peanut bags; aren't only three of us are advancing?

Chris: Well, normally the final choice is YOURS, but today the final choice is MINE! And the person taking the Drop of Shame will be by... (Gwen gasps, Alejandro whispers something to Tyler, Noah glares at Alejandro and Duncan scowls at all three of them, the camera cuts between Tyler and Duncan, Tyler looks nervous while Duncan just glares)

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

Chris: This intern! (Shoves the intern out the plane, screaming, everyone (except Noah) gasps, Duncan turns to his team and snickers evilly, Alejandro winces, Tyler groans and Noah just shrugs)

Gwen (relieved): Yes!

Chris (tossing the other two paper bags): That's right, I'M ignoring the vote! As if I'm gonna send Duncan home when the fun's just getting started! Team Chris is Really, Really, Really Hot stays as it is! (Deviously) For now... Will Courtney and Gwen patch things up?

Courtney (off-screen): I HATE YOOOOOU!

Chris: And who's going for the next drop? Find out right here on Total! Drama! WOOOOORLD TOOOOOOOOUR!

End Credits

* * *

_Votes-_

_Alejandro- Duncan_

_Duncan- Tyler_

_Noah- Alejandro_

_Tyler- Duncan_

_Eliminated- The Intern_

* * *

**That's all for now, folks! Tune in next week for the next rewritten episode!**


	3. The Ex-Files

**So, uh... long time no see on this story, hehe.**

**Well, I'm back in the saddle, and I'll be writing new chapters alongside my Total Noah Action fic, so stay tuned!**

* * *

TDWT Rewrite

Episode 15 The Ex-Files

* * *

Chris (voiceover): Last time on Total Drama World Tour, Greece! Hey, it was ruined _before _we got there. There we learned that Alejandro may not be perfect, unless perfection means being super clutzy! And Tyler spilled the beans about Duncan and Gwen's kiss! Thoughts? (Shows the clip of Cody socking Duncan in the face) Ka-BOOM! (Snickers) I had no idea Cody had such a killer right hook! In the end, the Amazons won, but no one went home, so everyone could marinate in awkward-soup for at least one more challenge! (Cut to the cockpit) Who's gonna get knocked out of orbit this week? Get ready to believe, right here, on Total! Drama! WOOOOOORLD TOOOOOOOOOOOOUR!

(Opening Credits)

(Cut to the winner's class, Gwen sits by herself in a row of seats while Courtney, Sierra and Cody sit in another row. Courtney is furiously writing things down on a notepad while Sierra is cutting out paper figures of Gwen, Cody is just munching on some candy from his backpack)

Courtney (muttering to herself): Pommel Duncan... (Thinks) Pommel Gwen... (Thinks again) Wash socks... (Begins to bawl)

Sierra (creepily signing while cutting): _The cradle will fall, and down will come Gweeeeen!_ (Eats off the head of the figure and chews furiously)

Confessional (Sierra)

Sierra (upset): Gwen and Duncan? Hm,duh. But boyfriend stealing's WRONG! (Takes a deep breath in) She's gone.

End Confessional

(Heather sits at the bar by herself while an intern leans on the bar lazily)

Heather (happy): What a beautiful day it is! Mmm, what is that delicious smell? (Fake gasps) Oh I know! It's-

Confessional (Heather)

Heather: Tension! And it has nothing to do with me! I have never felt so safe. (Grinning like a shark) Thanks, Gwen!

Confessional (Courtney)

(Courtney yells at the top of her lungs)

Courtney (furious): Gwen is going DOWN! I can't believe I ever trusted that sun-fearing, emo-loving LIAR! (Takes a breath) Well at least I broke up with Duncan on MY terms. (Happier) Ah, it was totally empowering!

End Confessional

(Flash back to earlier, Courtney is screaming, crying and rolling all over the floor while everyone watches; Duncan has a bowl of spaghetti on his head and an ice pack on his eye)

Courtney (between sobs): YOU STUPID FACE- (Goes on to babble incoherent words)

Duncan (trying to calm her down): Look, I'm sorry; but I thought I made it clear that you and I had broken up! Heck, I even said as much! (Courtney suddenly kicks him in the kiwis, causing him to shut up)

Confessional (Courtney)

Courtney (trying not to cry): At least I still have my pride. (Hiccups twice, then starts loudly bawling again)

End Confessional

(Duncan sits by himself in Loser's Class while holding an ice pack to his head, Noah, Tyler and Alejandro sit in the opposite corner)

Tyler (whispering): I'm serious, the guy's a jerk with a capital G! I'd never cheat on my Lindsay the way that he hurt Courtney! He deserved two kicks to the-

Noah (interrupting): Didn't he say that he told Courtney they had broken up, though? From what I can tell, it's _Courtney_ who's in the wrong.

Tyler: You really believe him on that? He's a convict, they're always gonna lie to cover themselves! Besides, you think Courtney just forgot that they had broken up? What're the chances of that happening? (Noah glances down)

Noah: Same amount of chances that you forgot to tie your shoe. (Tyler looks down at his shoe)

Tyler (defensively): I didn't forget! ...I just don't know how to tie my shoes. (Noah raises an eyebrow)

Noah: Okay, then... Either way, from what I can tell Duncan's a gold medalist in the Total Drama Babe Olympics.

Tyler: There's a BABE Olympics?!

Noah (smirking): Duncan's the only guy in TD history to score TWO girls!

Tyler (thinking): Courtney AND Gwen? Dunk's got mojo! (Alejandro frowns as Noah grins)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro: I know what angle Noah's trying to take, here. He's planning on swaying Tyler to his side while defending Duncan, that way he can get the majority vote against me. While Tyler is something of an idiota, Duncan is a very strong player. (Grins) Very clever. (Serious) But alas, it won't work. I have a plan; Courtney is volatile, and thus will throw the Amazon's off their game and Duncan off his game too. (Sly) All she needs is a little push.

End Confessional

(Cut to a map with an airplane marker, the airplane flies to the middle of the United States of America. Cut to inside of the cockpit, a blow-up balloon of Chef and Sasquatchanakwa are at the seats but neither are flying the plane. Suddenly the controls start to go haywire as two UFOs pull up to the plane and zaps them with beams of electricity)

Chris (playing a game of chess with Chef in his quarters): Huh. Plane could use a tune-up.

Chef (casually): Mm-hmm. (Chris grabs a walkie talkie)

Chris: Attention potential crash victims- please remain calm. Our autopilot is testing some equipment. Snacks are in the common area if you don't believe me and want a last meal. (Everyone except Duncan gathers in the common area, where a bowl of fruit is on the table)

Cody (picking up a banana): You call these snacks?! We're all gonna die! (Throws the banana away, Duncan finally walks in behind Gwen)

Duncan (to Gwen): Looking especially pasty this morning.

Gwen: That means so much coming from a cyclops.

Courtney (upset): Ugh!

Alejandro (feigning disapproval): Unbelievable! (Courtney glares at him, to which he respond by feigning innocence) Forgive me, but I'm simply offended on your behalf! (Grins) Perhaps a little payback is in order. (Wraps an arm around her) How would Duncan like it if YOU flirted with someone? (Points to Tyler, who attempts to eat a banana but accidentally slams it into his eye instead)

Tyler (disappointed): Aw, man. (Courtney smiles evilly)

Confessional (Courtney)

Courtney: Duncan will LOSE it! It's basic break-up math, the more mad Duncan gets the more jealous he looks, the cruddier Gwen feels, the more vindicated I am! It's perfect!

End Confessional

(Tyler is hanging from a bar on the ceiling, lifting his legs up)

Tyler (with effort): Must... leave... beautiful... corpse! (Courtney turns to Alejandro and nods)

Courtney (loudly): Tyler is super cute! (Tyler, who isn't paying attention, accidentally kicks his shoe off)

Tyler: Oh no! (The shoe flies into Courtney's face, and she is knocked on the ground with a yelp of pain)

Courtney (laughing it off): Wow, you're so fit AND strong, Tyler! (Alejandro gives a thumbs-up, Noah just glares at him)

Noah: Seriously? You're playing the '3rd wheel after a rough break-up' angle? Getting cliche, are we?

Alejandro (smugly): Just you watch, my friend. (Duncan just raises an eyebrow at the whole ordeal, when suddenly the room blacks out, everyone gasps in fear when suddenly a small toot is heard, everyone looks to Tyler)

Tyler: The dark is my witness, that was not me! (The UFOs stop shocking the plane and leave, the plane then begins fall nose-first, everyone screams loudly; just before the plane hits the ground, a UFO shoots the plane and stops it in the air, shifts it back onto its side, then drops it. Tyler continues to scream as Noah and Duncan watch)

Noah: Three, two, one aaaand you're back! (Snaps and Tyler stops screaming, Duncan's eyes widen in surprise)

Tyler (confused): We landed already? Huh. Didn't notice.

Duncan (impressed): Looks like I owe you five bucks, string bean. (Noah grins)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: Learned that from my older brother Lance, who would use it on my dog all the time. He said it works on low IQ people as well, so I figured I'd try it on Tyler. Sure enough it works. Thanks, Lance!

End Confessional

(Both teams have gathered outside of the plane in the desert, it is nighttime)

Chris (wearing a helmet and shades): Everyone, welcome to the coolest, extraterrestrial-ist place in the world- Area 52!

Gwen: Area 52? Area 51 is where all the cool alien stuff is.

Duncan: This show's so broke we have to fake an area now?

Chris: No, this really is Area 52. (Points to an iron-clad building with lights shining from inside it) And THAT's Area 51 right there. We're just inside the border. Well, all of us except Duncan. (Points to a line draw in the sand, everyone is past it except Duncan, who suddenly gets shocked by red beam from nowhere, Gwen, Noah and Tyler all cringe)

Gwen: Duncan! (Duncan continues to get shocked as he slowly rises into the air, his skeleton becoming visible between every shock)

Chris (on a military phone): Thanks for the laser show, Colonel. (The beam finally shuts off and Duncan falls back on the ground, smoking) It's good to have friends in Area 51 places. (Courtney starts laughing loudly while holding onto Tyler's shoulders, Duncan just coughs up some smoke)

Confessional (Duncan)

Duncan: Flirting with Tyler? I knew she hated me, but I had no idea she hated me that much. Wow.

End Confessional

Chris (standing next to a TV): Listen up, space-cases! (The TV turns on and shows a map of the area) The five-one is the most tightly protected military base in the world. Which is why tonight's challenge is gonna be so much fun! (Laughs, everyone else winces) For me. Part one, break into Area 51 without getting shot, gassed, plasma rayed or otherwise killed. (The TV shows the teams' icons taking separate paths to the base) The place is guarded by elite black ops soldiers, so if anyone does get all exploded, their untimely but hilarious demise will be blamed on a freak weather balloon accident. Part 2! Each team must find a genuine functioning alien artifact inside Area 51's infamous black box warehouse. The place is full of broken alien junk, so you need to find something alien that still works. But, be careful. The warehouse is loaded with booby traps! Part 3, the winning team must bring their working artifact back to Area 52 in tact. Last team back faces elimination, and do NOT get caught over there. Rumor has it trespassers get a memory wipe and are transferred to an alien colony where they either become slaves or food. (Everyone winces again) You have 'till dawn! Go!

(Cut to later on, Team Chris is headed towards the base)

Duncan: Okay, we should split up and scout for points of entry! Noah's with me! (The two run ahead while Alejandro and Tyler skid to a halt)

Alejandro (elbowing Tyler): So, Courtney, huh? She can't stop flirting with you!

Tyler (clueless): Flirting? With me? Whoa... (Shakes his head) But, no. I couldn't do that to my Lindsay.

Duncan (off-screen): Guys, you gotta see this! (Alejandro and Tyler sneak over to Noah and Duncan, who're hiding behind a rock that's a couple feet away from the base)

Tyler: Wow... (A bunny hops in the area between the rock and the base) Think it's safe to cross. (A laser suddenly shoots it and fries it to a crisp)

Noah (wincing): Sneaking into an alien base where we could get killed? Screw you, Chris!

Duncan: Hey listen up, I have a plan! (Cut to the Amazons, they're also hiding behind a rock facing the area)

Heather (not scared): Ooh, some kind of security vegetable patch! (Realizes something) Cody, gets your clammy hands off of my leg!

Cody (confused): I'm not touching your leg. (They all look down to see a lizard has climbed onto Heather's leg. They all squeal and run into the field and the lizard chases after them until it randomly explodes)

Heather: Since when do lizards fly?!

Gwen (cautious): Everyone, freeze. We are on a mind field. (Everyone freezes in place)

Sierra (who is clinging to Cody): Way to lead, New Heather!

Confessional (Gwen)

Gwen (panicked): New Heather?!

End Confessional

(Cut back to Team Chris, the guys are still hidden behind the rock, they're all holding stones)

Duncan: Remember, throw the rock and run in the opposite direction! Now! (Alejandro throws his stone and takes off, as the stone flies through the air it's vaporized by the beam; meanwhile, Alejandro has taken cover behind a rock closer to the gates of the area, he flashes a thumbs up. Duncan turns to Tyler next) Now! (Tyler hurls his rock and runs off screaming; he slams into a cactus head-first and sticks to it) Noah, go!

Noah: You know I'm athletically challenged!

Duncan: And we're gonna lose THIS challenge if you don't get your hind in gear! (Noah pathetically throws the rock, then takes off running. The laser vaporizes the rock, but Noah doesn't make it to Alejandro in time and gets shocked by the laser next, creating an explosion on the spot)

Tyler: Where's Noah?! (Noah screams as he falls over the gate and into the area, he lands fast-first with a sickening crack. He sits up and rubs his head)

Noah (groaning): Ugh... I knew that wouldn't work! (Looks at his surroundings, then at the others) Oh poop. (A tube suddenly pops out of the ground and sucks him underground, then disappears)

Tyler: Noah! (Runs over to the fence)

Duncan: W-W-Wait, you don't have to climb the- (Tyler ignores him and starts climbing the fence anyways, which results in him being shocked multiple times on his way up. Duncan and Alejandro look to the right to see a clear entrance into the area, so they walk through it and wait for Tyler to finish his painful climb as he shouts random things. He finally flops over to the other side in front of the two) Nicely done, Tyler. (Cut back to the Amazons, they're still stuck in place)

Gwen: Ugh, what're we gonna do?

Courtney (snappy): Why don't you make out with the minefield's boyfriend?

Gwen: What?!

Heather (annoyed): We're wasting time! Someone do something!

Gwen (angry): No, you know what Heather? You know what's a waste of time? (Glares at Courtney) Blaming everyone else for the fact that you didn't take your boyfriend seriously when he said "We're through!" (Courtney gasps)

Heather (glaring): You're seriously going to do this right now-

Courtney: You think this is somehow all MY fault, Gwen?!

Gwen: Yes, Courtney, I do! Duncan clearly broke up with you before he and I kissed! And yeah, maybe instantly kissing your 3 second old ex is a mean move on my part, but it certainly doesn't give you the right to act like a victim of "Grand Theft Boyfriend"!

Heather: For real-

Courtney: Shut it, Heather! (Turns back to Gwen) If we weren't in a minefield right now, I'd slap you silly Gwen! I thought you and I were friends-

Gwen: And we still could be, if you'd just get your own head out of the ground and realize that HE broke up with YOU before HE got together with ME!

Heather (angered): SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU! (Both of them quiet down) We are stuck on a minefield, trying to win a challenge, and you two decide NOW's the time to be having a cat fight! Get over yourselves!

Confessional (Gwen)

Gwen: Heather's right, but ooooh did it feel good to finally put Courtney in her place.

Confessional (Courtney)

Courtney: Stupid Gwen and her stupid excuses and her stupid... stupidness!

Confessional (Heather)

Heather: Since WHEN is it MY job to be the rational one?! Ugh, while I appreciate having everyone's hatred off me for a while, that doesn't mean I want to lose because of it!

Confessional (Cody)

(Cody just shrugs)

End Confessional

Heater: How're we supposed to get out of here anyways? (Cody thinks for a bit, then snaps his fingers; he then reaches into his pocket and tosses out a handful of candies around the field, revealing where the mines are as they explode when the candy hits them)

Gwen (pleasantly surprised): Nice thinking, Cody! Sacrificing your candy to find the mines!

Heather: Thank the dork while you run! (The Amazons take off while Cody leads the way, tossing candy out in front of him between every step)

(Cut to the base, two armed soldiers run out of a building, then Heather pops out from behind it. Before the door can close, she sticks her heel in it, then walks inside, her teammates follow her. The five of them look around inside, where there is all sorts of junk lying around)

Gwen (impressed): Wicked! We beat Team Chris here! (All of the sudden, Duncan opens the door)

Duncan (smugly): Think again, pasty. (Tyler and Alejandro follow behind him. A camera zooms in on the eight of them)

Chris (watching through the camera): Will our amateur alien hunters make it out of the mysterious black box with their butts in-tact? And, where's Noah? Find out when we return on Total! Drama! World Tour! (The UFO shocks the plane again and Chris yells) Ugh! Stop it!

(Commercial Break)

(Cut to inside of the black box)

Tyler (looking around with Courtney): They stole Noah and stuck him in here somewhere.

Courtney (feigning sympathy while getting closer to Tyler): Oh no, poor Tyler. (Tyler takes a step back) Wanna go somewhere quiet and talk about it? (Glances at Duncan, who isn't paying attention)

Chris (over an intercom): Welcome to the black box warehouse! Finding a functioning alien artifact in here is gonna be a bit like finding a needle in a haystack- a haystack with a black ops security system! Which I set off when I hacked into this PA! (Unapologetically) My bad! (Suddenly a red light starts flashing and a siren starts to beep, everyone takes off running, Amazons in one direction and Team Chris in the other. Cut to a different part of the warehouse, Courtney hides behind a shelf as a black ops soldier runs past it. A metal piece of equipment clocks her on the head, she scowls at the source of the metal pieces, which is Heater diging through a box and throwing random pieces of junk everywhere. Heather pulls out a metal disk and shakes it)

Heather (annoyed): Great, more broken junk. (Throws it over her shoulder, it bounces once turns into a small UFO robot, which then flies away, Heather just groans in frustration) Can't these boxes have labels? (Courtney kicks a large robot and it boots up)

Robot: INTRUDER ALERT. INITIALIZING ELIMINATION PROCEDURE. (Courtney takes a few steps back in fear as it pulls out a giant cannon, but before it can do anything it falls through the floor and through other floors, saying 'OW' every time it goes through a floor, Courtney just watches it. Heather steps over to a portal machine, she sticks her hand into it and suddenly gets her top half dragged into it while her lower half struggles. Courtney watches her)

Courtney (muttering to herself): Hm, well she is a pain... ugh, but I need her vote to get rid of Gwen. (Grabs Heather's leg and yanks her free of the portal; Heather crash lands into a pile of boxes, covered in blue slime)

Heather (disgusted): Ugh! What were you waiting for; I am covered in space snot! At least this stupid thing is in tact. (Courtney then innocently kicks it over, causing it to break)

Courtney (feigning surprise): Oh no! Darn, better keep looking.

Heather: Are you trying to lose?

Courtney: What?! As if! (Walks away, grinning, Heather just scowls at her)

(Cut to Noah, who is sound asleep. He wakes up and realizes he's strapped to a chair in a private room)

Noah (worried): Oh nonononono! Anything but my memories! (Thinks) Well, maybe you can delete my memories of this stupid show, but not the ones that I need for school and college! (Suddenly a lot of robot limbs come down from the ceiling)

Computer Voice: INITIATING G8751 PROTOCOL. LARGE. (A large metal suction cup drops onto Noah's head)

Noah: Oh come on! At least let me remember how to get to the secret twelfth level of Dragon Assassin! (Zoom to outside of the room he's in, electric sounds can be heard as he shouts in pain, outside Tyler and Alejandro run past the room, Tyler skids to a stop)

Tyler: That's gotta be Noah! Noah! We're here to save you buddy! (Alejandro slows to a stop and glares at Tyler, who starts punching the room's walls) Never! Leave! A man! Behind! (Tyler glances at his swollen hands)

Alejandro: Tyler, there's no time! We need to find an artifact! It's not like one's just gonna fall out of the sky! (Suddenly, a blue box that had been balancing on the room's roof falls off and clonks Tyler on the head and lands into Alejandro's hands) Huh. I stand corrected. Now let's hope it works. (Suddenly, the box flashes white, causing Alejandro to drop it in shock. It fires off two beams of electricity, which then turn into two aliens. Tyler flinches in shock)

Tyler: Whoa, aliens! (One floats over to him) Don't probe me, bro! (The alien stares at Tyler for a second, then reaches out with its finger. Tyler looks confused at first, but then the alien smiles sweetly. Tyler touches the alien's finger with his own and smiles... then the alien smiles deviously and begins to violently shock him. Alejandro cringes, but then the other alien latches onto his face and begins shocking him as well. Cut to a different section of the black box, two agents walk through the area, Gwen then pops out of her hiding places and dashes away while keeping an eye on them. She then bumps into Duncan and the two begin to shout in shock until they realize it's each other. They then smile and begin to talk over each other)

Duncan: You go first!

Gwen: Okay, the kiss was awesome, even though everyone on my team now thinks I'm the New Heather. Even Heather! I tried to tell everyone that you had broken up with Courtney at first, but I don't think they listened. But I can see that Courtney's ridiculous flirting is bothering you, so if you've changed your mind about our situa- (Duncan cuts her off with a kiss; at first Gwen is surprised, but then she moves into it, causing Duncan to pump his leg) Was that just to shut me up?

Duncan: Not entirely.

Gwen: Why don't we just let things happen? No pressure, no planning, no pookums. 'Kay?

Duncan: See? That there is why I like you. (They then notice Heather's UFO float above them. Duncan takes off to catch it, but Gwen trips him)

Gwen (laughing as she runs after it): Try not to get eliminated!

Duncan (smiling): Same to you! (Cut to Cody, who has stumbled upon some pod-looking things. He pokes one and it shocks him; he then sucks on his finger until he realizes the pod has started to start glowing. It splits open and a Cody Clone crawls out of it, steaming and covered in goo. It opens its eyes to reveal green irises and it smiles evilly. Cody backs up as it starts to shamble over to him, when Sierra squeals)

Sierra (running up to them): Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, TWO CODYS! I'm confused, and excited! (Hugs both of them and screams, but then the clone explodes into green goo) Okay, now I'm just confused. (Duncan walks over to his teammates and notices Alejandro struggling to rip the alien off of his face as it shocks him again, Tyler runs around while flailing his arms)

Duncan: What's this, a double date? (Whispers to Alejandro) Tell you what, you agree not to vote me off today, then I save your butt. (Alejandro gives a thumbs up) Deal. Okay, first: big mouth. (Raises his fist out and Tyler runs into it, the alien explodes into blue goo. Duncan flicks the goo off his hand)

Tyler (disgusted): Oh, gross! Y'ever heard of overkill, guy? (Duncan ignores him as he's busy trying to yank Alejandro's alien off his face. It shocks both of them in the process, then explodes, causing Alejandro to slam into the door controls for Noah's room. The door opens and mist pours out... and out steps Noah)

Tyler (shocked): Noah? (Noah now has a clown makeover, complete with a green mullet)

Noah (deadpan): Hot, right? (Duncan and Tyler just blink) Turns out aliens don't steal memories, they just give you clown makeovers. For some reason. (Back on the plane, Chris and Chef laugh their heads off)

Chris (on the military phone): Oh, thanks again Colonel! I can see why that mullet is kept top secret!

Tyler: You mean they didn't steal your memory?

Noah: If they had, I would be much more thankful.

Duncan (off-screen): A little help here, please? (He's still trying to yank the alien off of Alejandro)

Tyler: So you still remember Chris, and me, and Duncan, and Alejandro, and the plane, and when I told you I used your tooth brush to clean my toe jam?

Noah (glaring): You did what with my tooth brush?

Tyler: Oh. Guess I never told you that. Hehe. (Noah rolls his eyes)

Noah (to Alejandro): So, Al, looks like I missed the fun parts. (Alejandro glares at him, Duncan looks between the two, confused)

Confessional (Duncan)

Duncan: Maybe it's because of all the time I spent with Courtney, but I know bad blood when I see it, and trust me when I say Noah and and Alejandro have got some REALLY bad blood between each other. Wonder what that's all about.

End Confessional

(Duncan finally pries the alien off Alejandro, then wrestles it into a choke hold)

Tyler (grabbing a box): Hurry! (Duncan throws the alien into the box, then Tyler shuts it)

Duncan: One in tact alien artifact! First class, here we come!

Noah: Question- (Pan out to reveal that they're in a labyrinth) How do we get out?

Duncan: We'll find a way out, let's go! (The four take off running)

Alejandro: Vamanos! (They run off as Gwen walks over to where they were)

Gwen: Alejandro? Is that you? (Notices the box they left behind) Well, well. What have we here? (Cut back to Heather, who is interrogating Cody and Sierra)

Heather: Tell me you two found something!

Cody: I found a penny. (Heather groans)

Heather: So we have nothing?

Courtney (gleeful): That's great- (notices Heather glaring) ly bad, for us!

Gwen (walking over with the box): Guys, one working alien artifact, totally in tact! Ta-da! (Courtney and Sierra sneer)

Heather (glaring at them): Save it for first class! Let's go! (Cut to outside, Team Chris is running, Noah is huffing)

Duncan: Seriously dude, you run like a girl!

Noah: Sorry, forgot my 'roids at the gym!

Tyler: C'mon guys, we didn't get this far in the competish cause we're wimps! It's cause we stay one step ahead of the (suddenly explodes and screams as he flies through the air. Cut to Chris, who has fallen asleep in a chair outside of the plane, a newspaper on his face. Tyler lands three feet in front of him, crushing the box, Chris wakes up) Why is the purple meatball playing the piano? (Throws the box on the ground, revealing that the alien has exploded into blue goo)

Chris: Former alien life form? Impressive. Too bad it's not still in tact. (The others arrive)

Alejandro (angered): WHAT?! (He stomps in place)

Gwen (running with the rest of the Amazons): Oh no! The guys beat us?! (Courtney suddenly trips Gwen, causing her to drop the box. Everything goes in slow motion as the box flies through the air, Heather and Cody watch is horror as Courtney says 'oops', Chris just catches the box)

Chris: And the Amazons win again! (Everyone cheers except for Cody (who is strangled by Sierra) and Courtney (who is scowling). Cut to later on, the plane is back in the sky and the Amazons are back in Winner's Class)

Heather (sitting next to Courtney, who is scribbling on her notepad furiously): I want Gwen gone too, but strategy is key. Right now, we gotta focus on picking off the guys. (Courtney doesn't respond) Hello? Are you even listening to me? (Gwen winces)

Courtney (angrily to herself): Gothy's going down, Gothy's going down, Gothy is going down...

Confessional (Heather)

Heather: Izzy, you have been replaced.

End Confessional

(Gwen mopes as she attempts to hide in her seat)

Chris (on the PA): Attention all player and brooding goth chick: it's time to throw a guy outta the plane! (Gwen sighs, cut to the elimination room)

Chris: Team Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot, not a lot of teamwork going on tonight. Noah, wasting time on a new hair-do? Not cool. Duncan, making deals before you help your teammates? That's low. (Gwen sneaks in behind the tiki pillar) Tyler-

Tyler (wearing a cast and a headwrap): Is stoked that Duncan is outie!

Chris: No Tyler, YOU'RE outie!

Tyler (disbelief): WHAT?!

Courtney (similarly): What?! (Steps out, revealing herself from off-screen, Gwen quickly hides) You're cutting Tyler instead of Duncan? What's wrong with you?!

Chris: Sorry, Court. It was a two-one-one vote, and Tyler got the majority! (Duncan raises an eyebrow as Noah and Alejandro glare at each other)

Tyler: Isn't there gonna be a revote? (Courtney then kicks him out of the plane, screaming)

Courtney (wiping her hands): That's IT! No more Miss Nice Guy! People are gonna pay, two people specifically, you hearing me?! (Duncan and Alejandro just share a knowing smirk) I will have my revenge!

Chris: Will Courtney get her revenge? Find out next time on Total! Drama! World Tour!

(End Credits)

* * *

_Votes-_

_Alejandro- Tyler_

_Duncan- Tyler_

_Noah- Alejandro_

_Tyler- Duncan_

_Eliminated- Tyler_

* * *

**Sorry for the long wait between updates. Like, the really long wait. But the plan is to finish the series with the time off of school I now have given recent events. So see ya next time!**


	4. Picnic at Hanging Dork

**Back again with a new chapter! It's showtime!**

* * *

TDWT Rewrite

Episode 16 Picnic at Hanging Dork

* * *

Chris (voiceover): Last time on Total Drama World Tour, Area 51! Plucked from space to zap your face! Here Tyler got into a prickly situation, and he wasn't the only one! (Shows various clips of everyone getting hit or attacked by something, before stopping at the makeover room Noah was stuck in) That's no dentist chair! You didn't actually think Noah would go to a dentist, would you? In the end, Tyler got the shove and Courtney warned Duncan and Gwen to sleep with both eyes open. (Cut to the cockpit, the plane suddenly flips upside down) Whoa! Who's gonna blunder in the land down under? Find out right here, right now, on Total! Drama! World Tour!

(Opening Credits)

(Cut to inside of the plane, Gwen, Courtney, Cody and Sierra all sit in a row of seats together, Sierra glares maliciously at Gwen while Courtney glares at her, drumming her fingers on the armrest of the chair, Cody takes a bite out of a cookie and munches happily, causing Gwen to flinch)

Cody (admiring the cookie): The chocolate chips are still gooey! First class rocks! (Heather pops up from the seats behind Gwen and Courtney)

Heather (actually peaceful): Cookie? (Gwen reaches for it, but then Courtney snatches it and crushes it in her palm)

Confessional (Courtney)

Courtney (pouting): I am so ready to push Gwen out the door at thirty thousand feet! Ugh, we've got to lose the next challenge! Sierra will vote with me, but it'll take three votes to do the job right. For some reason, Cody still can't see the evil seeping from Gwen's poorly moisturized skin. (Groans) So that leaves... Heather...

End Confessional

(Heather walks by the confessional room while munching on a cookie, when Courtney suddenly drags her into the confessional)

Heather: Hey! (Drops the cookie, looks around and realizes the confessional's room lights are off)

Courtney (whispering): Okay, we need to vote out Gwen next, agreed?

Heather: Not if you're gonna try and make us lose on purpose again. (Courtney gasps)

Courtney (feigning offense): I did no such thing! But on the off chance our winning streak DOES end, I want a guarantee that Pasty McJerkface goes home first, okay?

Heather: Sure, if you give me a guarantee you won't vote off me instead.

Courtney: Deal.

Confessional (Heather)

Heather (showing her crossed fingers): Of course my fingers were crossed. It's one of the advantages of making deals in the dark!

End Confessional

(Gwen is speaking to Cody now)

Gwen: If I can get Heather on my side, the three of us can vote out Courtney!

Cody: If anyone goes it's Sierra!

Gwen: Oh Sierra will go, AFTER Courtney.

Cody (freaked out): She stole all my underwear! (Whips out his swim trunks) I'm down to my swim trunks!

Gwen: She won't vote you out, but Courtney's voting against me for sure!

Cody (chilled): Relax, babe! The Code-Man's on it!

Confessional (Cody)

Cody: All I have to do is make sure we can keep winning until Duncan gets booted. Then maybe Courtney will drop her Gwen vendetta, and my new alliance can get rid of Sierra! (Hear's a knock at the door)

Sierra (from outside the room): Cody, you okay in there? (Cody frowns as Sierra gasps) Did you fall in?!

Cody: That only happened once! (Laughter from the rest of the Amazons is audible from outside the confessional, Cody just moans in defeat)

End Confessional

(Alejandro, Duncan and Noah look less than pleased in Loser's Class, a rat sniffs Alejandro's shoe)

Alejandro (groaning): Loser Class again? Pathetic. Men, we must rise from the ashes and ignite the fires of victory!

Duncan (grinning): I'm all for starting fires.

Noah: Careful, Piercings. Wouldn't want to get arrested this late in the competition.

Duncan: Eh, I wouldn't mind getting away from all this crap. I just want to see Courtney go before I have to take a fall.

Alejandro: Ahem! (Both of them look back to him) The Amazons only have won because they have both Courtney and Heather. We need to break them apart, but how? (Noah gets a determined look in his eye)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: What I'm about to do may be the dumbest 'smartest' thing ever done on this show, but now that I know what Duncan wants it's time I get him into an alliance. (Glares) Time to spill the beans.

End Confessional

Noah: Hey Al, why don't you flirt with Heather so she'll go home? (Al's eyes widen at this, but only momentarily) Kinda like what you did with Bridgette and LeShawna.

Duncan (surprised): Wait, Bridgette AND LeShawna? And here I thought I was the only guy who stole double gold at the babe Olympics.

Noah (pushing the advantage): And it's not just the babes he went after. After speaking to DJ and Harold, those guys got eliminated too! (Duncan raises an eyebrow at this, Alejandro scowls even more, but his scowl goes unnoticed as he is facing away from them) It was truly a sight to behold; he basically knocked out an entire team single-handedly.

Duncan (shocked): Whoa-ho, that's, uh, pretty impressive Al. Managing to, ah, do that. (Noah grins)

Alejandro (recovering): Uh, yes, I was truly fond of all of them; they all seemed like they could've been great friends. (Feigns sadness) Sadly, the fates were against us. I suppose I could attempt false seduction, but it goes against the gentleman's code.

Duncan: There's a code for that crud?

Alejandro: And if I seduce Heather, Courtney will remain unaffected. (Grins) If only we could weaken both at once. (Noah frowns)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro (mad): Curse you, Noah, you useless grease-rat! (Sighs) It's fine, it's fine. (Glares back at the camera) Duncan may now suspect me, but he's single minded in his goals. If I can help him get rid of Courtney-

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: Then he'll help me get rid of the eel! And after that, wherever Duncan goes Gwen follows, and wherever Gwen goes CODY follows, so I'll have the majority of the voters in MY corner! Unfortunately, I still need Al around, otherwise me and Duncan will end up in a DJ/Lindsay situation. But after the merge, I'll be able to get him out of here.

Confessional (Alejandro and Noah, side by side)

Alejandro and Noah: It's a foolproof plan!

Confessional (Duncan)

Duncan: I know when I'm being played with, and it seems like both of them think of me as some kind of pawn. (Grins) And that's a great position to be in. If both of them want me in their corner, then I'm already safe from elimination, at least until the teams merge; all I need to do is wait it out and see who the better option is. (Sniffs) It'll probably be Alejandro, though. Noah's not exactly a "strong" player, but he seems to know something about Alejandro. Whatever it is, I need to figure it out, because if it's enough to make Pencil-Neck actually care about the game then it's GOTTA be something big.

End Confessional

Duncan (invigorated): Easy! Heather's kinda into you, right? So seduce Courtney!

Alejandro (nodding): Of course! If I flirt with Courtney, it will distract both of them from the game at hand, and one will SURELY vote the other out! Brilliant idea, Duncan!

Noah: You may just be allowed to sit at the Big Brain Table yet, Duncan. (Duncan grins)

Confessional (Duncan)

Duncan (laughing): Man, this could not be more perfect! If Alejandro fails, it's a reason to vote him off, if the guy succeeds then Courtney's a goner! AND while Al's busy with that, I can get Noah to cough up about Alejandro! That's some win-win-win action right there.

End Confessional

(Cut to a map, an icon of the plane files to Australia and begins to fly in circle when it his the mainland)

Chris (on the PA system): All competitors, please move to the common area to prep for landing. (Alejandro, Noah and Duncan enter the common area, the Amazons are already there, Alejandro walks up to Courtney, who is glaring intensely at Gwen)

Alejandro (grabbing her arm and talking softly): Courtney, we need to talk.

Courtney: Um, whatever Duncan said about me isn't true.

Alejandro: Believe me, I never listen to a word he says. (Whispers) In fact, I tried to vote him off.

Courtney: Really?

Alejandro: Any man who cannot see your true worth is a fool. (Fakes compassion) What I wouldn't give for a chance to- (stops himself) No, forgive me. (Dramatically walks off) I have said too much. (Courtney looks shocked, Alejandro grins deviously as he passes Duncan and Noah)

Duncan: Hook, line and sinker.

Noah (when Alejandro is out of earshot): Once again, the eel strikes. (Duncan gives him a confused look) In due time, Piercings. (Heather walks over to Courtney)

Heather (scolding): Are you all right?

Courtney (strangely happy): Never better!

Confessional (Heather)

Heather: Al and Courtney? No chance. He's up to something. (Gives a worried frown anyways)

End Confessional

(Up in the cockpit, Chef begins mashing some buttons as an alarm goes off)

Chef: Uh-oh.

Chris: Uh-oh funny or uh-oh we're all gonna die?

Chef: The landing gear won't go down!

Chris: How does THAT happen?! (Cut to the landing gear, a nest of beavers are sleeping comfortably, unknowingly blocking the landing gear; cut back to the common room)

Chris: Today's forecast: Clear skies with temperatures of 50 degrees Celsius, or 300 degrees Fahrenheit. And today's landing it gonna be more of a non-landing fly-by. (Opens the plane door, pan out to show that the plane is flying over some badlands) Jump, drop and roll! (Shouts as players jump out, Sierra carries Cody happily, Duncan and Heather follow less enthusiastically, Noah just walks up with wide eyes)

Noah (disbelief): You're seriously gonna have us jump into the badlands from here?! (Chris just nods) You are pure evil! (Takes a deep breath and jumps out; cut to later on, everyone is standing in the middle of the badlands)

Chris (with and Australian accent while wearing a hat): G'day mate, and welcome to Australia! (Back to normal voice) I call today's challenge the Marathon of Death! (Cut to an overview of the badlands) Part one is an emu race all the way into the Blue Mountains; I'm not saying the trip will be dangerous exactly, but with venomous snakes, killer scorpions and the very real possibility of sun stroke, I hope you all have your affairs in order. (Everyone shares a worried look) Whoever reaches Majestic Hanging Rock first will win a distinct advantage in the second half of the challenge. And yes, I said emu. Bring 'em in boys! (Two interns drag in some emus tied to a rope) And there's no saddles! After all, it's supposed to be a challenge! Now go! (Cut to later on, the emus are running around in different directions as the contestants chase after them. Sierra tosses Cody onto an emu and it runs around wildly. Duncan tries to wrestle one to the ground, but it slips out of his grasp, causing him to slam the ground in frustration. Courtney stands by an emu that isn't moving, then she shoves it)

Courtney (feigning sadness): Oh no! (Another one runs behind her, she makes a very weak effort to try and catch it) Oh this is tricky! (Another one runs by her and she "attempts" to grab it too late) Oh I'll never catch one! (Alejandro walks up with an emu)

Alejandro (politely): Allow me to be of assistance. (Picks Courtney up, bridal style, and places her on the emu, she just gives him a dejected look) Oh forgive me, I know you don't need my help. You need nothing from me. (Starts to leave)

Courtney (grabbing him): Well, I wouldn't say THAT.

Alejandro: Really? Then I hope I can be of use. (Courtney looks over at Duncan, who was watching the whole thing, he tries to grab another emu but it moves out of reach; Alejandro mounts his own emu) Ladies first! (Courtney's emu takes off)

Courtney (pulling on the reigns): Whoa! (Whispering) Whoa. Take your time, little fella! (Grins) Pace yourself. (Duncan tries to wrestle another bird, but it keeps pecking him on the head)

Heather (teasingly as she passes by on her emu): Looking good, D!

Duncan: Huh? (The emu slips out of his grasp and runs off) Hey wait, come back here! (Alejandro just watches)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro: Heather's a masterful adversary indeed! She's flirtation before. But that could not have been true passion in her eyes. (Concerned) Could it?

End Confessional

(Gwen walks over to Duncan)

Gwen: What's with Heather? She's acting like she just realized you were alive.

Duncan: Who knows? She's probably just plotting to kill me.

Alejandro (calling to him): Come on, Duncan! (Noah walks over to Duncan while holding two emus)

Noah: Here you go, Duncan- one fresh emu ready for racing! (Duncan and Gwen look shocked)

Duncan: Whoa! How did YOU get two emus?

Noah (smugly): Once you show that you're the boss, they'll bend the knee.

Gwen (deadpan): You totally used bird seeds, didn't you?

Noah (deadpan): Yes, yes I did. (Stretches the reign out to Duncan) Do you want the bird or not? (Duncan takes the reigns) All right, let's get a move on. (He and Duncan hop onto the emus)

Gwen (pouting): Hey, none for me?

Duncan (teasingly): Sorry pasty, but we've got a challenge to win! (His emu bucks for a bit, but he manages to maintain control; that is, until Cody passes by and knocks him off balance)

Cody (not sorry): Oops, sorry!

Duncan (frustrated): You did that on purpose! (Cody blows a raspberry and laughs, cut to later on, Heather and Courtney have taken the lead, Courtney yanks on the reigns, causing the emu to slow down)

Heather: Come on, pick up the pace!

Courtney: It's not me, it's the emu.

Heather: It has a brain the size of a walnut, take charge!

Courtney (ignoring her): So can I ask you something, just between us: Are you and Alejandro, uh, y'know, a thing?

Heather (disbelief): What?! No! Ugh, he wishes.

Courtney: Oh, okay then. (Smiles) Perfect. (Alejandro races up to the both of them)

Alejandro: Hola, Courtney! You're emu is the luckiest creature on earth; it has the privilege of carrying you. (Races ahead) See you at the top!

Courtney (whispering to Heather): Did Duncan see that?

Heather (snappy): He's the only one who DIDN'T, now hurry up! (Races ahead)

Confessional (Heather)

Heather: Next time the Amazons lose, Courtney is gone! And not for making googoo eyes at Alejandro, as if I care about that. You saw the way she was riding her emu! She was purposefully trying to lose! Again!

End Confessional

(At the top of the Hanging Rock, Chris and Chef have set up a tent)

Chef: How long do we have to wait?

Chris (checking a map): Another two hours, maybe. (Chef grabs the map and completely unfolds it) Oops. Make that two DAYS! (The two cackle evilly; cut to Noah and Duncan, who're riding together)

Noah: And that's how Owen got booted off.

Duncan (surprised): Whoa, this guy is hardcore. He's like Heather, but-

Noah: But with social skills? Yeah, pretty much.

Duncan: So this guy's gonna be pretty dangerous once the merge happens.

Noah: Uh-huh.

Duncan: Sounds like more of a reason to ally with him instead of you.

Noah: And what, become one of his pawns so he can discard you for the money? Didn't imagine you to be that spineless, Duncan.

Duncan (scowling): Yeah, and how can I tell if YOU'RE not using me as a pawn right now?

Noah: I totally am using you as a pawn, dude. (Duncan's eyebrows raise) But I'll at least admit it to you. Alejandro will lie and pretend to be your friend, just like he did with Bridgette, and just like what he's doing with Courtney right now. Look, I know I'm not exactly the fastest, strongest, or most durable person here, but I have a plan to at least get this guy off this plane.

Confessional (Duncan)

Duncan: Whoa, I was not expecting Noah to be that brutally honest. (Grins) Way to surprise me, little guy.

End Confessional

Duncan: So why is it that you're so obsessed with getting this guy off the show anyways?

Noah: Gee, maybe it's because he's an eel who forced a lot of people off the plane unfairly. Look, I don't care much about the other competitors, but I DO care about having a level playing field in this game, and Al is twisting every rule thrown at him. Besides, if he isn't taken care of sooner rather than later, he'll become too strong for anyone else down the line. (Glares) He COULD even drive a wedge between you and Gwen! Do you really want that?

Duncan (mad): He better know better than to drive a wedge between me and Gwen!

Noah: Then why risk the chance of him doing that when you can send him home and guarantee that he won't do that?

Duncan: I dunno, Noah. What's to say you won't do any of these things yourself?

Noah (deadpan): Do I look like a guy who can pull stuff like that off independently?

Duncan: Fair enough. I'll think about the offer, but for now I trust Alejandro to take care of Courtney.

Noah: Just make sure you don't trust him anymore after that. (The camera pans up and shows the sun, it sets and the moon takes its place, then the sun rises again; cut to Cody, who is slumped over and dazed on his emu)

Duncan (off-screen): Hey, pip-squeak! (Cody looks over to see Duncan charging at him; Cody yelps and pulls the reigns on his emu, it stops right before hitting a kangaroo, Duncan stretches his fist out) Here comes the pain! (Tries to punch Cody, who ducks under the fist)

Cody: You don't know the half of it! (Duncan glares back at him but then gets kicked in the face and off his emu by the kangaroo. He then jumps over to the kangaroo and enters a fighting stance, the kangaroo follows suit. Duncan throws a straight jab at the kangaroo, but it ducks and counters with a punch and another kick, sending Duncan flying again)

Duncan (enraged): You little twerp, you'll get yours! (Cody just waves smugly and laughs as the kangaroo continues to beat up Duncan; cut back to the Hanging Rock, Chef and Chris sit at a campfire while Chef whittles a log into a didgeridoo)

Chris: Think the scorpions got 'em?

Chef: Five to one it's dingos. (Chef blows into the horn, Chris snaps along with the beat; Alejandro finally pulls up to the camp, drenched in sweat)

Alejandro (annoyed): Ahem! (Both Chris and Chef yelp in surprise)

Chris: Err, finally! (Heather, Courtney and Cody pull up next, all three are out of breath)

Heather: I hate you so much right now!

Alejandro (as Courtney pulls up): I knew the view would be beautiful!

Courtney (swooning): You're good. (Alejandro's emu barfs; the kangaroo hops up and tosses Duncan out of its sack, Duncan is covered in some gross slime)

Duncan: Aw, sick. (Stands up) You get back here, one more round! I didn't hear no bell! (The kangaroo clocks him across the face and a bell rings, Cody and Courtney laugh at his misfortune; Duncan then slips in the slime and falls on his butt)

Heather (helping him up): Ignore them, they're just jealous. (Alejandro silently gasps in shock as Heather sneers at him; Duncan then walks away from Heather to greet Gwen and Noah)

Gwen (concerned): What happened to you? (Noah covers his nose)

Noah (disgusted): Ugh, did get eaten by a corpse that Owen farted on?

Duncan: No, and I don't plan on telling either of you. (Gwen glares at Heather, who returns the glare; Noah just shrugs; Sierra pulls up next, being pecked by her emu)

Sierra: Stupid- OW!

Chris: And Team Chris takes the lead! (The three guys high five and cheer)

Heather: Ugh, what took you so long, Sierra?!

Sierra (escaping the bird): The bird wouldn't stop pecking me!

Chris: Either way, Team Chris will be preparing for a long walk up a short cliff! What exactly are they jumping into? (In an Australian accent) Find out when we boomerang back on Total! Drama! World Tour!

(Commercial Break)

(Cut back to the Hanging Rock)

Chris: Okay teams, get ready to look death in the face and live to tell the tale! Or not. (Everyone shares concerned looks) The challenge, part two! (Walks over to a tall rock next to the edge of the cliff, there are two bungee cords attached to it) Teams must take turns bungee jumping off hanging rock and plummet to the bottom (pan down to show how far the drop is) Far, far, (laughing as the camera speeds up) far below, (stops at a pasture full of sheep) To try and grab one of Australia's finest sheep. (The contestants all look down in fear, Sierra clings to Cody) Three of those sheep have Team Chris's super hot logo tattooed on their side, another three have Team Amazon logos under their wool, not too far from their lethal jaws.

Cody (nervous): Did he say lethal?

Chris (ignoring him): First team to catch and shear one of their own sheep wins first class tickets to Nextville, and the losers head to elimination town! As the last to arrive, Team Amazon gets a pair of gardening shears! (Heather takes the shears from Chef, frowning in disappointment) And the first team to arrive, Team Chris, gets this advantage- (Chef holds up a razor) A battery operated sheep shear! (Team Chris and Courtney all cheer, Courtney's teammates give her weird looks)

Courtney (nervous): Oh, uh, I mean, boo we're gonna lose! (Giggles nervously, Gwen and Heather snarl)

Confessional (Gwen)

Gwen: She's seriously trying to throw the challenge so she can vote ME off? That's low, Courtney!

End Confessional

(Courtney walks off, Gwen and Cody share a grin and approach Heather, who is fiddling with the shears)

Gwen: So Heather, I was wondering-

Heather (rolling her eyes): I'm not into Duncan.

Gwen: Well, that's reassuring. Anyways, Cody and I were talking about voting out Courtney next, and-

Heather (thrilled): I'm in. (Gwen's eyes widen in shock, then she goes back to grinning)

Gwen: Good talk. (She and Cody high five; Team Chris look down the cliff nervously)

Duncan: Oh man, that's one heck of a drop.

Noah: Reminds me of Wawanakwa, without the water and the bloodthirsty sharks.

Duncan: What're you talking about, Courtney's still here. (They both snicker at this, Alejandro just rolls his eyes)

Chris: Time's a-wasting! Team Chris, you're up. Who's gonna do the jump? (Alejandro and Duncan share a nervous look, Noah just shrugs)

Noah (deadpan): Meh, I'll do it. (Chris tosses him the bungee cord, the clip hits him on the head) OW! (Cut to later on, Noah clips the cord to a leg brace and walks to the edge) Well, I'll miss you all. (Jumps off the edge and screams the whole way down like a girl, he gets to the pasture and the bungee begins to pull him back up, he quickly snags a sheep but it falls out of his grip, he flies back up, screaming again, and lands on his butt forcefully, everyone cringes) Well, I can cross bungee jumping off my bucket list. Oh wait, IT WAS NEVER ON THERE! (Chris and Chef laugh and high five; he steps aside and Gwen gets hooked up next)

Duncan (encouragingly): You got this, Gwen! (Gwen plugs covers her eyes and jumps off the cliff, she peeks about halfway down and starts screaming and flailing her arms, she stops right above the ground and snags something, and flies back up. When she lands, she's covered in cotton and spikes- she had accidentally grabbed a cactus instead, she shouts in pain)

Gwen (pulling needles out): Ah! Are you (grunts) kidding me?!

Duncan (wincing in sympathy): Good try! (He gets hooked up next and jumps down, he misses the sheep but hits a rock on the way back up, he slams back down with a bump on his head, Cody and Courtney laugh at his misfortune while Noah, Gwen and Alejandro cringe; Cody gets hooked up next and leaps off the cliff, he screams as he plummets and grabs a sheep; he cheers on his way up and lands with the sheep)

Cody (oblivious to the angry sheep): The Code-Man delivers! (Points to the sheep) You can call me the wolf! (The sheep attempts to bite his finger, but he pulls it away with a yelp)

Heather: Quick, start shearing! (Runs over with the shears and slices the away at the cotton, there's no symbol anywhere) Dang it, it's a dud! (Alejandro leaps off the cliff next; after snagging a sheep, Duncan shears it, there's no symbol, at the same time Sierra comes back up, there's no symbol on that sheep either. Noah, Heather, Duncan and Courtney all jump down, all of the sheep lack the symbols they need, cut to later on, everyone's huffing and puffing, Cody's got a cotton wig)

Chris (whiney): What's taking so long?! You've just gotta grab ONE sheep, just one!

Heather: Stuff it, Chris! (Alejandro, Noah and Duncan huddle together)

Alejandro (whispering): Courtney's coming along, but I still don't have her trust.

Duncan: Relax, just follow my lead! (Coughs loudly, getting the Amazon's attention) Not cool, man! Not cool! (Gives Alejandro a light shove)

Alejandro (playing along): But she's your ex! And I cannot help the way I feel about her! (Courtney gasps)

Duncan: Well figure it out, or you're gonna feel a whole lotta pain! (Gwen and Sierra wince, Courtney smiles; Alejandro, Noah and Duncan share a devious grin)

Confessional (Noah, Duncan and Alejandro, all side by side)

(All three cackle manically)

End Confessional

Duncan: Chris, we need a bungee over here! (Heather growls as she shears another sheep, there is no mark on it either; Cody groans as well)

Sierra (gleefully): This one's for Cody! (Runs off the cliff... without a bungee on, she screams all the way down; when she hits the earth, sheep go scattering everywhere and she creates a hole in the ground that's the shape of her)

Chris: Medic! (Two interns run over, then run off with some sheep; cut back to Team Chris)

Alejandro: Now is our time! Rise up, men! No surrender! No defeat! (Jumps off the cliff and comes back up... empty handed. Duncan and Noah glare at him as he chuckles weakly)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro: I need a bit more time with Courtney before I can win this challenge. (Grins) But only a bit more.

End Confessional

(Cut to later on, Heather comes back up with a sheep)

Heather: Got one! Start shearing!

Gwen: I'm on it! (She and Cody rush over, Courtney just pouts until Alejandro taps her on the shoulder)

Alejandro: I've been thinking about the future.

Courtney: You have?

Alejandro: Yes. Tomorrow, and the day after, and even the day after that.

Courtney: I'm aware of what the future is.

Alejandro: Not when it comes to me. (Courtney smiles and blushes, she looks over to see Duncan sobbing on Noah's shoulder, who just gives a deadpan look; Courtney grins in victory)

Confessional (Duncan)

Duncan: Fake sadness has been a gift of mine since I was a kid. Watch and learn. (Fakes sadness) Oh, mom. Was that your grandmother's vase? (Sobs, then grins again)

End Confessional

(Duncan continues to sob on Noah's shoulder, who is still deadpanned, Gwen just gives him a weird look)

Confessional (Gwen)

Gwen: I know a fake crier when I see one, and that was definitely a fake. (Taps her chin) But who and what was he pretending for?

End Confessional

Heather (to Gwen): Hurry up, Gwen! We're trying to win, remember! (Gwen shaves the sheep, there's no logo)

Gwen: No logo! (Heather growls and jumps for another one, she just barely misses one; as she keeps bouncing up and down, Courtney stares into Alejandro's eyes and sighs dreamily)

Courtney (swooning): Oh, Alejandro...

Alejandro: Allow me to be of assistance.

Courtney (innocently): No, you can't help me win, I-I couldn't bear it! I won't allow it.

Alejandro (grimly): If I do not help, you are sure to lose.

Courtney: Yeah, okay look; this is dreamy and all, but losing is kinda what I'm going for.

Alejandro: It would be my... honor to help you achieve that noble goal!

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro: She trusts me and she WANTS to lose?! It is a thrilling combination! What a woman!

End Confessional

Duncan (tied to the bungee): I'll be right back. (Gives a mock salute and leaps off the cliff)

Noah (impressed): He's confident, I'll give him that.

Alejandro (likewise): He IS good. (Duncan grabs a sheep and lands with a thud)

Duncan (pumping his fist): Yes!

Cody (running up): Quick, it's my turn! Throw me the bungee cord! (Duncan grins evilly; Cody finally looks over at him as he tosses the bungee at him) Think fast! (The clip hits him on the head, causing him to stumble off the cliff; he barely manages to grab the bungee as he plummets, screaming; Heather and Gwen watch him nervously; the rope gets him tangled up as Heather and Gwen try to pull him back up, Courtney just stands there)

Chris: And the Amazons are experiencing a slight delay! (Alejandro shears the sheep as Duncan and Noah hold it down; he cuts away a certain section to reveal the Team Chris logo)

Alejandro: Victory at last! (Lifts the sheep up) Behold!

Chris: Team I'm Totally Smoking Hot wins! (The Noah and Alejandro cheer and high five, when they realize what they did they look away from each other; Duncan looks over at Gwen nervously, while Courtney grins like a shark while jabbing a thumb at her, then traces a line across her neck; Duncan winces at this)

Duncan: Aw crud. (Cody moans; cut back to the plane in the elimination room, Team Amazon sit on the bleachers; Sierra has a cast on her arm)

Courtney (whispering to Heather): So-

Heather: Definitely.

Courtney: We're talking about the same thing, right?

Heather: Yes, voting off Gwen. Definitely.

Courtney: Just checking. (Heather grins knowingly)

Chris: It's been a tough day for many of you, but one of you is about to have the worst day of all. Sierra, last to arrive, first to get injured. Courtney: slow with the emu, quick with the flirting. Cody: a petty feud sent you spinning all the way here. Heather: not your most focused performance. And Gwen: Duncan? Really? (She glares at him) Let the voting begin! Cody, you're up first! (Cody walks out of the room, snickering)

Confessional (Cody)

(He grins and wiggles his eyebrows as he stamps a passport)

Confessional (Heather)

(Silently fills out her vote)

Confessional (Gwen)

(Drops the passport on the sink and stamps it with no hesitation)

Confessional (Courtney)

(Shoves Gwen's passport into the camera, then stamps it rapidly while growling, Chef opens the door and drags her out but she reaches and keeps stamping it anyways)

Confessional (Sierra)

(Stamps the passport and grunts in pain)

End Confessional

Chris: The safe contenders are... (Throws a bag of peanuts to each one) Heather, Cody and Sierra! (Gwen and Courtney glare at each other as Chef opens the door with a grin) Okay, one vote for Courtney, one vote for Gwen. A second for Courtney, a second for Gwen. And the last vote is for...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

Courtney! (Courtney roars in rage as Gwen, Heather and Cody all cheer)

Courtney: NOOOOOO! This is a mistake! (Turns to Heather) YOU PROMISED-

Heather: And I lied. Whoops! Guess people do that when you PURPOSEFULLY throw the game! (Courtney growls and turns to Gwen)

Courtney: YOU, YOU, YOU!

Gwen: Sorry Courtney, but you need some time to cool off. Maybe we can be friends again someday. (Courtney tries to attack her, but Chef grabs her and equips her with a parachute)

Courtney (thrashing): I HATE YOU! YOU'RE A (beep beep beep) LYING LITTLE (beep beep) SON OF A (beep) WEASEL! (Chef throws her out the plane, screaming loudly)

Chris: With that exciting exit, it's time for the episode to end! Goodnight Amazons, and hope that your first elimination is your last one! (Snickers)

Confessional (Gwen)

Gwen: Thank THE HEAVENS she's gone! (Sighs) Now Duncan and I can be a couple and try to win this show in peace. Hopefully someday we'll be able to talk to Courtney about all this again, but I REALLY can't stand being around her right now.

Confessional (Duncan)

Duncan: Bwahahahahah! See you later, Princess Shark!

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro: Farewell, Courtney. It was fun while it lasted.

Confessional (Heather)

Heather: HA! That'll teach her for trying to steal Alej- I mean throwing the game! For throwing the game!

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: Shark, you will not be missed.

End Confessional

Chris (who's sitting in the cockpit): Whoa, seems like nobody's gonna miss her! If only every elimination were this fun, though. (Shrugs) Oh well! Who'll be eliminated next, who will Alejandro seduce next, and who will Duncan side with after the merge- Alejandro, or Noah? Find out next time on Total! Drama! World Tour!

End Credits

* * *

**That's right, Gwen's staying! She's still got a roll to play in this rewrite! See you next time!**


	5. Sweden Sour

**Back at it again with a new chapter! Please enjoy!**

* * *

Episode 17

Sweden Sour

* * *

Chris (voiceover, clips of the last episode play): Last time on Total Drama World Tour, Australia! It will AMAZE you, if it doesn't kill you first. Here, Duncan's new babe convinced her team to vote out Duncan's old babe, who flirted with Alejandro to stick it to- that's right- Duncan! Except Duncan and Alejandro were actually sticking it to her! Brain hurt yet? Meanwhile, Cody gave D-Man the business end of a kanga-puncha-roo! Duncan's revenge, while hilarious, also cost team amazon the win, and Shark- I mean, Courtney, was given the boot in a three to two vote! Only seven remain, so who will get the boot next? Find out now on Total! Drama! World Tour!

(Opening Credits)

(Cut to inside of loser's class, a mouse crawls out of a hole in the wall and Sierra scoops it up)

Sierra (sighing): Looks like it's just you, me and Cody, Mr. Mouse.

Confessional (Sierra)

Sierra (worried): Courtney's gone! With her out instead of Gwen, Cody won't see MY appeal! If only he knew about my online avatar in Third Life- a druid elf with level thirty-five soothe skill and level sixty two massage! (Giggles, but quickly glares) Gwen needs to go soon! (Thinks) Problem is, I don't have any allies.

End Confessional

(Gwen relaxes comfortably in loser class, smiling happily. She sighs in contempt)

Confessional (Gwen)

Gwen: I'm SO GLAD Courtney's gone! Like, I still want to try and be friends with her, but she needs time off this show so she can realize that I didn't steal her boyfriend. But for now, I think it's gonna be smooth sailing for me and Duncan.

End Confessional

?: Psst! (Gwen looks over to see Duncan in the doorway, she walks over to him)

Gwen: Hey, Duncan! How's first class treating you?

Duncan: A whole lot better than this dump. But it's not perfect without your pretty face to look at. (Gwen blushes, pan over to the others, Heather mock gags, Sierra literally gags, and Cody just frowns. Duncan pulls out a cookie) Snagged you some snacks. (Gwen happily takes it)

Gwen: Aww, thanks babe! You're the best! (Cody frowns even more)

Confessional (Cody)

Cody (upset): Okay, I am SO NOT okay with any of this! Seriously, what does she even SEE in Duncan; the guy's a total jerk! I've gotta show Gwen how devoted I am to her, so she can dump him and go out with me instead! But how?

End Confessional

(Duncan returns to first class, Alejandro is snacking on a cookie while Noah sits with a book)

Alejandro (sighing): Ah, it's been far too long since we've been in here, eh Noah?

Noah (putting his book down): I wouldn't get used to it. The merge'll be coming soon.

Duncan (grabbing a cookie): Which means YOU two need to enjoy it while it lasts, 'cause I'm never giving this place up anytime soon. (Alejandro shrugs)

Alejandro: If you say so, amigo. (Stands) Excuse me, I must use the lavatory. (Walks off, Duncan looks over to Noah)

Duncan: So, what're the chances that he's going to flirt with one of the girls instead?

Noah (deadpan): Ten bucks say he's flirting with Heather; he's always been into her, big time.

Duncan (skeptical): You don't say?

Noah: So how odd was it to see him flirting with Courtney?

Duncan (shrugging): Whatever. I'm just thankful he managed to get her out of here; she was driving me insane, and anyone who messes with my pasty babe deserves to be kicked off this plane.

Noah: So now you finally understand how good he is at hiding who he really is, at how much of a slippery eel he is, and how you should never trust him because he's basically a male Heather who got my large, chubby buddy kicked off? (Sighs as he looks at a cookie) I miss Owen.

Duncan: Same here. Doesn't feel like the same show without him here. But that doesn't exactly mean I want to go against Al just yet.

Noah (glaring): What other proof do you need?!

Duncan: I dunno, he's done more for me in the past day than you have for the past three seasons. Seems like he's a stronger competitor too. (Noah scowls)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: Worst part is, he's right. Alejandro's proven himself to be just as smart as me, and better than me in every other way. It's time I've finally stepped up and put this big brain to use! Duncan and Gwen are going to be the key to get the majority vote against him, merge or no; so I'm going to have to show Duncan what I'm capable of.

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro: With Courtney gone, Duncan's basically on my side already, and he can convince Gwen to vote with me, who can also convince CODY to vote with me. All I have to do now is remove Noah and Heather from the game, and then there will be NOBODY who can stop me! (Smirks) Fate is on MY side again!

Confessional (Duncan)

Duncan: On one hand, Noah's not much to write home about and he'd probably drag me down. The dude's never even made it to the top ten before, much less the merge. However, if I ever need to I can drop the alliance and there will be no major consequences. On the other hand, Al's a manipulative devil, and trusting him will be a one-way ticket out the plane. But he could be good at removing Heather, Sierra and that dweeb so Gwen and I can have an easier time to make it to the finale. I'll wait it out for now and see who's better through this next challenge.

End Confessional

(Alejandro walks into loser's class, he approaches Heather with two cookies)

Alejandro (smiling): Hola, Heather! I- (Heather scowls)

Heather: Not interested, AL! (Alejandro frowns)

Alejandro: Why the aggressiveness? I just wish to talk; I even came with a peace offering. (Holds a cookie out to her, Heather swats it away)

Heather: If you think I'm going to fall for you the same way Courtney did, you're dead wrong! (Alejandro smirks) I mean, fall for your tricks!

Alejandro: My dear Heather, were you jealous of the attention I gave to Courtney? (Heather growls)

Heather: No! I just know you're up to something!

Alejandro: You need not to worry, Heather. I feel terrible about Courtney leaving, and I suppose I have you to blame for that. But I take it as a sign that we just weren't meant to be. (Hands her a cookie and leaves) Adios for now! (Walks off, Heather just remains flabbergasted)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro (holding a cookie): Heather would normally be a much greater challenge, but me flirting with Courtney seems to have upset her more than she would like to admit. (Grins) Which means that she CAN be manipulated into trusting me. While Noah KNOWS my plan, Heather only suspects it; but if I eliminate him, then that'll be all the confirmation she needs, and she is a MUCH stronger competitor than that greased rat is. So, getting rid of her is my next priority. Once I've earned her trust- (crumbles the cookie between his hand) THAT is what I'll do to it.

Confessional (Heather)

Heather (scowling): I am NOT in love with that stupid, sexy, chiseled, jerk! There's no way his intentions weren't true for Courtney! (Growls) I hate to say it, but I think it's long overdue that I have a talk with El Muchacho!

End Confessional

(Cut to a map of the world, the plane icon takes a very wild route all the way to the north, cut to the middle of a frozen lake, the plane lands and starts spinning out of control, all the contestants scream until it crashes off-screen; cut to later, the final seven stand in the cold while Chris approaches them, wearing a jacket and goggles)

Chris (in an accent): Velcome to Schveden!

Heather (shivering): W-Where are those j-jackes you order f-for us in the Yukon?

Chris: Um, I worked pretty hard on that accent; it would've been nice if somebody had commented.

Duncan: Dude, it's freezing out here!

Chris (ignoring him): Sweden! Hello?! (Groans and walks off) Great…

Gwen (to Duncan): You think THIS is bad? Just try the Yukon.

Duncan: No thanks, pasty; I'd like to keep my limbs from freezing off.

Gwen: Like that guy in 'Frozen Snowman Killer 3', where the snowman picks him up-

Duncan: And slams him so hard through the ice that all HIS LIMBS FALL OFF! (The two snicker and Cody groans; Heather yanks Gwen over to her, who yelps in response)

Gwen: What was that for?!

Heather: No more talking to any of the boys, INCLUDING your boyfriend! (Cody groans again)

Gwen: Oh come on! Is this because Alejandro doesn't like you back? (Heather scowls)

Heather: That is NOT IT! (Groans, Alejandro steps in)

Alejandro: May I offer my Latin warmth to diffuse the situation? (Pulls Heather into a tight hug)

Heather (grunting and fighting him): Let me go! You stupid… stupid… (Slowly calms down and eventually sighs contently, Alejandro smirks. Gwen just rolls her eyes until Duncan pulls her into a nice hug, she smiles at this as Cody moans again… then Sierra pulls him into a death grip while squealing happily, Noah just looks straight ahead, deadpanned)

Chris (arriving with Chef): Good news! The jackets are here! (Everyone smiles and cheers at this, Heather quickly realizes what she's doing and shoves Alejandro off her, he continues smirking regardless) In another six to eight weeks! (Everyone growls)

Confessional (Heather)

Heather (smacking her head): Focus, focus, focus!

Confessional (Gwen)

Gwen: Karma gods, PLEASE don't be cruel to me and have to suffer from Heather, AGAIN!

End Confessional

(The teams stand on a hill of snow, in front of the hill are two piles of scrap)

Chris: Before you is a mysterious piles of "I-Builda" tools and pieces! Your first challenge is to use allen keys, wooden sledge hammers and your junk piles into whatever they're supposed to be when properly assembled!

Alejandro (whispering to Team Chris): This'll be a piece of pie.

Noah: You mean a piece of cake?

Alejandro: I'm quite sure it's pie.

Duncan: No, he's right. It's cake. (Noah smirks as Al rolls his eyes)

Chris: Sadly, the assembly instructions were "accidentally" shredded when they were put through a shredder. (Pulls out a handful of scrapped paper) Anywho, whoever assembles their watcha-whosists first will win a big advantage in part two of the challenge! So… go! (Cut to later on, Team Amazon digs through their scrap)

Gwen: Let's sort out the pieces so we can see what we're supposed to build.

Heather (fiddling with an oversized allen wrench): We don't have time for that!

Gwen: Well how else are we going to finish this challenge? (Grabs the wrench from her, the two begin to bicker and try to pull it out of each other's hand)

Sierra (to Cody): What do YOU think Cody? (Cody just moans again)

Confessional (Sierra)

Sierra: Okay, I need to find a way to get Gwen out of here NOW! (Grins) Fortunately, it looks like Heather and Gwen are going at it, and when the time comes I'll help Heather vote her off! (Cackles) But first to cheer up Cody! That's what every good wife does! We've been married 14 times in my head, and twice in my online blog, I Dream of Cody! (Giggles and crosses both her fingers) So it'll happen in real life eventually.

End Confessional

(Alejandro watches the girls bicker and smirks as Duncan and Noah dig through the junk pile, as he watches Noah whispers to Duncan)

Noah: Alejandro's already formulating a plan. Notice how it's Gwen and Heather bickering? He'll use your connection with Gwen to get you into voting Heather off!

Duncan: Why Heather and not you? Didn't YOU say he liked her?

Noah: Just because he likes someone doesn't mean he isn't willing to sacrifice them if it means victory. Besides, if it comes down to it he'd rather have to deal with me instead of Heather. (Scowls) I'd be flattered if it wasn't because he thinks I'm weaker than her.

Duncan (rubbing his chin): I see. Clever guy. (As the girls continue to bicker, Cody gasps and gets an idea; he quickly puts things together from the junk pile)

Sierra: Cody's got it! He's got it! (The girls stop bickering and watch him)

Heather: Cody, wait-

Gwen: No, let him go! He must've figured something out! (Drops the piece and joins Cody; Noah struggles to pull out a large U-shaped piece of iron, Alejandro and Duncan watch)

Alejandro (smirking): Need assistance, Noah? (Noah glares at him, he then takes a deep breath in… and pulls the iron out! Alejandro stares at him in awe as Duncan grins)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah (smug): Adrenaline is one heck of a thing.

End Confessional

(Noah finishes dragging the piece out… then drops it on his toe, making him shout in pain as he yanks his foot out, he grips it and hops on one foot. When he finally gets a good look at the piece, he stops hopping in pain and snaps his fingers)

Noah: Guys, I think I figured out what we need to build! (The other two look over at him as he points to the iron piece) See how it looks like the interior of a hull?

Alejandro (catching on): Noah, you incredibly stupid genius!

Duncan: An insult and a compliment at the same time. Impressive.

Alejandro (proudly): Yes, my people call it a 'Complisult'. Grab the sledgehammer!

Noah (looking over at Heather, who is hiding behind her junk pile and listening intently): First we're gonna need some privacy.

Duncan: Good point. Grab some wood, we'll make a canvas.

(Noah unfurls a roll of paper, Duncan hammers some wood together and Alejandro screws them in place. Duncan and Alejandro roll the completed canvas over, completely blocking their view of the Amazons and vice versa, Alejandro and Duncan high five)

Confessional (Duncan)

Duncan: I don't trust Alejandro. I don't like Alejandro. But letting him know that doesn't get me anything. So I'll keep it buddy-buddy, and while he works on Heather, I'll work on Noah. May the best man win.

End Confessional

(Cody finishes hammering his project together)

Heather (handing him a final plank): That's the last piece! (Cody hammers it into place)

Chris (walking over): Alright Amazons, whatcha got? (Pan out to reveal that… they built Gwen's face)

Cody (proud): TA-DA! (Heather and Gwen share a look of disgust, Gwen even gags a little, and Sierra just blinks)

Confessional (Cody)

Cody: Duncan may have impressed her with cookies, but Gwen's gonna LOVE this!

End Confessional

Heather (enraged): THAT'S what you made us BUILD?!

Gwen (sickened): That's disturbing on SO many levels! (Cody cringes at this, Heather roars, grabs a mallet, and chases Cody, who screams and runs off. They keep running around the Gwen head until Sierra slides in with an oversized wrench, she slams Heather in the face, causing her to tumble away)

Sierra (holding the wrench like a rapier): EN GARDE! That's French for "LEAVE MY BOYFRIEND ALOOONE!" (Heather growls, then roars and charges towards Sierra. Sierra ducks as Heather slams the sledge into the Gwen face, cut over to Team Chris, who just watch from behind the canvas. Duncan and Noah are deadpanned while Alejandro smirks)

Heather (off-screen): Get down here and die like a man! (A loud thunk is heard, the guys all cringe, Noah and Alejandro remain the same but now Duncan has a slightly worried expression, Gwen walks over to stop the girls, but then Sierra accidentally smacks her on the head while lifting the wrench over her own head. Sierra and Heather keep clashing until Chris sounds an airhorn)

Chris (snickering): As fun as that is to watch, you guys need to be BUILDING something, not DESTROYING it. Especially since they guys are building a giant boat! (The girls all gasp as Noah facepalms)

Alejandro: Chris! (Duncan sighs and pulls aside the canvas, revealing that they had in fact built a giant boat, the girls all stare in awe) We call it: El bote de la victoria. (The girls all look confused)

Noah (deadpan): It's Spanish for "The Boat of Victory." (Heather groans)

Heather: How were we supposed to know we had to build a boat?!

Chris: Maybe if you all stopped bickering and started sorting instead, you would've been able to figure it out! (Snickers as Gwen glares at Heather)

Heather: At least it's not MY fault we built Gwen's face, (glares) CODY! (Cody shrinks in fright)

Gwen (glaring): Seriously Cody, I'm flattered you think so highly of me, but I'm already going out with Duncan! Doing stuff like this is creepy! Like, Sierra-levels of creepy! (Pan over to Sierra, who has made a face of Cody in the snow, she begins to kiss it passionately)

Cody: B-But I thought you'd like it…

Gwen: Cody, I need you to get this through your head: I'm NOT into you! (Cody hangs his head in shame)

Confessional (Cody)

Cody (sighing dejectedly): Gwen…

Confessional (Sierra)

Sierra (angered): Under normal circumstances, I'd be ENRAGED that someone, especially Gwen, is making my hubby upset! (Ecstatic) BUT NOW IT MEANS THERE'S ROOM FOR COMFORT! (Squeals) Cody will realize that he and Gwen weren't meant to be, and then when he's at his lowest, introducing: Moi! (Squeals again)

End Confessional

(Alejandro hops off the boat)

Alejandro: The mast and wheel are in place! Duncan, how's the hull?

Duncan (hammering away): Just hammering in the final nail! (Hits the hull one last time) Done!

Chris (walking over with a sack): Nice! Team Me Be Hot takes the lead! And she's a beauty! (Tosses the sack at their feet) Here's your reward for finishing first. (Duncan looks inside the sack, which holds… rocks)

Duncan (unimpressed): A bunch of rocks?

Noah: Is the budget running low again, McLean?

Chris: Not at all! Now, try to drag your ship to open water and sail north until you find Chef to receive your next instructions!

Alejandro: I'll pull from the bow! (Rips his shirt off)

Noah: With your shirt off?

Alejandro: Questions are for later, actions are for now! Push like the wind! (Runs to the front of the boat)

Duncan (to Noah): He sure does talk pretty for a guy. (Alejandro throws a rope over himself and begins to slowly drag the entire ship, Heather watches and drools)

Sierra (snappy): HEY! Focus! (She turns around, slapping herself) Thank you. If Gwen's head is hollow-

Gwen: Standing right here, you know.

Sierra: We can just lob off the top of her head and ride in it like a boat!

Heather: Yes!  
Gwen: Good! Off with my head! (Gwen and Heather give her odd looks) The wooden me! Let's just go! (Cut to later on, Gwen saws the head off the wooden Gwen as Duncan and Noah push from the back of the boat, little progress is being made)

Duncan (strained): Man, if we had Owen here he could've just broken the ice open so we could just sail! (Noah stops pushing, Duncan grunts in more effort as the ship stops moving)

Noah (gasping): That's it! If we break the ice then we can just sail instead! You're a genius, Duncan! (Runs onto the boat)

Alejandro (out of breath): What… are you doing… grease-rat?!

Noah (grabbing a sledge hammer): Winning! (He jumps off the boat and runs onto the ice) Duncan, Al, get in the boat! (They comply)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: You said you wanted to see me contribute, Duncan? (Grins) Just you watch. (Thinks) Though this may put me in 'Izzy territory' for craziness.

End Confessional

(Noah lifts the sledgehammer over his head, he slams it back onto the rock, the ice cracks a little at his feet, he winds back up and does it again, the ice cracks even more and the lake begins to shake, he continues to do it over and over again, creating more cracks)

Chris (panicked): The ice is cracking! Has Noah finally lost it and decided to kill us all?! (Noah hits the ice again) Stick around and find out on Total! Drama! World Tour! Every host for himself! (Runs off)

(Commercial Break)

(The ice cracks around the ship, Alejandro and Duncan cringe)

Duncan: Noah! You've done enough damage, get in the boat! (Noah drops the sledge and rushes back to the boat, he quickly dives in just as the ice shatters, the boat begins to sail downstream)

Sierra (as the cracks approach Team Amazon): We're out of time! (Tosses Cody into the head and hops in after)

Gwen: Everyone, inside my head! (She jumps in as Heather dives through the eye socket, the ice around them shatters as well)

Sierra: She floats! Phew! (The sail picks up the wind) Let's get them! (Cut to Team Chris, Duncan high fives Noah)

Duncan: YEAH! Nice thinking, braniac! Best teammate ever! (Noah smirks, Alejandro frowns as he steers the rudder) MVP of the day!

Noah: I wouldn't have come up with the idea if it weren't for your thoughts of Owen, so thanks to you too, Piercings. (They fist bump, Alejandro scowls)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro (furious): CURSE YOU NOAH! (Growls) All the hard work in getting Courtney kicked off is becoming undone! First he gains strength out of nowhere, then he figures out we need to build a boat, and THEN he streamlines the challenge?! Where has he hid this determination for the entire season?! (Sighs) But I must play along for now. I've underestimated Noah, but perhaps there is still time to get Duncan on my side before that greased rat does!

End Confessional

Alejandro: Yes, Noah. You truly are shining today!

Noah: Thanks, AL! (Alejandro's left eye twitches) Hey, what was it you called me earlier? An incredibly STUPID genius? (Alejandro cringes at this)

Alejandro: Oh, th-that was just a joke. We can't all be as funny as Owen!

Noah (glares): Really? I seem to remember you despised Owen. (Alejandro winces again)

Alejandro (nervous): We-Well, I, uh… I found the occasional joke of his quite funny! (Duncan and Noah remain unconvinced) Like, uh the time when, he, ah… (They keep sailing)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: Yeah, I've got him on the ropes. (Points at the camera) YOUR TIME'S UP, AL!

End Confessional

(Team Amazon is having a less favorable time; Heather steers the rudder)

Gwen: Ugh, this thing isn't nearly as aerodynamic as their ship is! We'll never catch up!

Heather: Maybe if CODY wasn't so obsessed with YOU we could've had an actual ship!

Sierra (petting Cody, who is slumped over the head): Let me cheer you up, by taking you to a happy place! (Grips his head) It's a beautiful mountainside filled with Codys! Some are giant, others are small enough to tuck in your pocket (hugs his head) and some are chocolate-covered marshmallow Codys! (Giggles, Cody vomits over the side of the head)

(Cut to later, Team Chris arrives at a dock where Chef is waiting, he's holding a viking helmet)

Noah: We're not gonna play "Slap Slap Revolution" again, are we?

Chef: Uh-uh. Pick a captain. (Alejandro grins)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro (grinning like a shark): Okay, Noah. You want to be the MVP? Then go ahead. Just know that ALL pressure now lies on YOU.

End Confessional

Alejandro: I pick Noah!

Noah (shocked): WHAT?!

Duncan: I was just gonna say that!

Alejandro: Then it's unanimous! Noah will be our captain!

Chris (walking up): From zero to hero, Noah is now team captain! (Chef places the helmet on Noah's head, who falls over due to the weight, he slowly stands back up but is hunched over) You're reward for making it here first is this! (Chef drives over in an excavator with a cannon attached to some ropes and a hook, he lowers the cannon into the ship) It's war time!

Duncan: So the little rocks…

Alejandro: Are actually flints!

Chris: Bingo, dingoes! (Realizes something) Nuts, I shoulda said that last episode in Australia. (Back to Team Chris) And to fire out of the cannon, Chef's famous Swedish meatballs! (Chef walks over with a platter of black meatballs that look more like rocks)

Noah: Because nothing screams "viking" than meatball projectiles.

Chris: To win the challenge and ride in first class, sail north to capture the red flag way over yonder! (Pan over to a single buoy in the water, a flag is tied to it) Or use your meatballs to sink the enemy ship! Good luck, Captain Noah! (The three board the ship, they set sail)

Alejandro: What's the order, cap'n? (Noah thinks)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: Great, everything rests on MY shoulders now. Dirty eel… (Groans) But then again, all we have to do is grab a flag, so… how hard can it be?

End Confessional

Noah: Do as the weird host orders and get to the flag! If we see any sign of the enemy ship, blast 'em to kingdom come!

Duncan (manning the cannon): Aye aye, cap'n!

Noah: Dude? Vikings didn't speak like that.

Duncan: Don't care; being a pirate's cooler. (Noah shrugs)

Noah: Al, you're on steering duty! I'll watch ahead for ice floats and other things! (They run to their stations)

Alejandro (noticing the Gwen face): The Amazons have arrived! (The Amazons receive their cannon)

Gwen and Heather (pointing to each other): No way is she captain!

Chris: Well someone's gotta wear the hat.

Sierra: I nominate Cody!

Heather: Fine. (Grabs the helmet and tosses it on Cody's head) Let's go sink some boys.

Gwen: Great attitude, but we need matches to light the cannon!

Chris (shrugging innocently): I'm sure you'll think of something. (Grins and waves evilly) Buh-bye. (Cut to later, the Gwen face sails slowly down the sea)

Heather: Great! We'll never catch up with them, just look at how far away they are! (Pan over to the guys, they sail smoothly ahead)

Duncan: Looks like we got this in the bag! (Laughs as Noah cheers, Alejandro looks anxious)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro: Now that I'm thinking about it, if I can throw this challenge and make it look like Noah's fault, this could be my one chance in getting Noah off my back without arousing suspicion in Heather! And I think I know how to do it.

End Confessional

(Alejandro steers the ship into an iceberg as the other two aren't paying attention)

Duncan (surprised): What the heck?!

Noah: OH NO! (The boat is stuck on the iceberg)

Alejandro (feigning ignorance): Did we hit something?!

Duncan (glaring): Yeah dingus, you just steered us into an iceberg!

Alejandro: How was I supposed to know?! Noah was in charge of giving me directions! (Noah silently gasps and glares)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah (snarling): You clever eel.

End Confessional

Duncan (grabbing a stick): Whatever! Let's pry the ship off the iceberg! (Looks behind him, the Amazons are catching up quick) And fast! (He and Noah try to get the ship off the iceberg, Alejandro mans the cannon)

Sierra: They've hit an iceberg!

Heather: Good, we can catch up to them! Battle stations! (Sierra rips off a piece of the face and balances it on the cannon, she loads a meatball onto one end of the plank and Heather and Gwen jump down on the other, lobbing the meatball high into the air)

Alejandro: Meatball, six o' clock! (The projectile narrowly misses the ship) Are we free yet? (Duncan and Noah manage to shift it slightly)

Duncan (struggling): Fire… back! (Alejandro loads the cannon, aims it, then grabs some flint; he claps two rocks together, lighting the cannon's fuse; it fires with a loud bang)

Sierra: They're firing back! (The Amazons dive out of the way as it goes straight through the Gwen face's nose)

Cody: GWEN! (Cody loads a meatball and grabs two sticks, he rubs them together furiously until it creates a fire, he lights the fuse and the cannon fires)

Duncan (glancing): INCOMING! (Alejandro dives out of the way as it blows a hole into the hull)

Alejandro (peering into the hole): No serious damage! (Duncan and Noah finally pry the ship off the iceberg, but it's moving significantly slower; the Gwen face has almost caught up)

Noah: We've got no choice! Fire away! (Duncan loads the cannon and fires back; Alejandro grins. Sierra, Cody and Heather fight over their final meatball)

Gwen (pointing to the incoming meatball): Prepare for impact! (Heather dives out of the way but Cody remains standing still, Sierra shoves him out of the way and takes the meatball to the stomach)

Gwen (worried): Sierra, are you okay?! (Sierra groans until Cody places his hand on her arm)

Cody (weakly): T-Thank… you? (Sierra weakly smiles)

Confessional (Sierra)

Sierra (holding her stomach in pain): Will I require surgery? Absolutely. Months of physical therapy… probably! (Gasps for air) Was it worth it? (Smiles) Definitely.

End Confessional

(The guys look at the Amazons in shock)

Alejandro: How's that thing still afloat?!

Noah: Alright, seeing as how I've got the lucky touch today, I'll sink their battleship! (Runs over to the cannon)

Duncan: It be our last meatball, Captain! Fire it with care! (Noah nods and loads the cannon; Gwen likewise loads her cannon as Cody lights the fuse with the stick again, the meatball goes sailing towards Team Chris)

Duncan: INCOMING! (He and Alejandro dive out of the way as it misses, Alejandro dives near the cannon. Noah claps the flint rocks together and lights the fuse, before it can fire, Alejandro quickly shifts the cannon before Noah can notice. The cannon fires… and the meatball goes right through their sail! The sail falls down into the water) What ARR the odds?

Alejandro (feigning anger): Noah, why'd you hit OUR sail?!

Noah (shocked): B-But I aimed right at Gwen's face! How did it- (glares at Alejandro, who gives him a small evil grin) YOU! (The boat completely stops and Team Amazon sails by)

Heather: Thanks for crashing at an iceberg! Suckers!

Sierra: We'll enjoy first class for you!

Gwen: Sorry, Duncan!

Alejandro: Noah clearly sabotaged our own team! The captain's actually a traitor!

Noah: Oh please, as if this is MY fault! Why would I even sabotage my own team?! (Duncan looks between the two, confused)

Alejandro: You must want me gone! Ever since London you've been voting for me to leave, all because what? You think I'm some slippery eel?! I'm innocent, I tell ya! (Duncan scratches his chin)

Noah: You know what?! Fine! I'll prove my team loyalty! (Turns to Duncan) DUNCAN! Prepare the flint! (Walks over to the cannon)

Alejandro: We have no more meatballs, you incredibly stupid stupidhead!

Noah: Then how about a greased rat? (Hops into the cannon, Duncan runs over with the flint)

Duncan: You sure about this, bud?

Noah: Just fire me! (Duncan lights the fuse and runs away, Noah flies high into the air; the Amazons reach the buoy)

Sierra: There's the flag! We did it! (She and Heather reach for the flag… until a familiar scream is heard)

Cody: Noah? (Noah fires like a dart all the way to the Gwen face, time freezes as he's three inches away from hitting the ship; Duncan and Alejandro watch anxiously. Time resumes and a loud crash is heard as Duncan and Alejandro cringe; the entire Gwen face is destroyed, the Amazons stranded on some wooden planks while Noah is nowhere to be seen; Chris pulls up in his jet ski as Noah resurfaces and spits the water out)

Chris: "The captain always goes down with the ship" normally means his OWN ship, but whateves. Team Me wins! Amazons, see you at elimination! (Duncan, Alejandro and Noah cheer loudly, as the girls (and Cody) all groan; cut back up to the plane, Heather corners Alejandro in the cargo hold)

Heather (aggressively): Okay, what IS your problem?!

Alejandro (calmly): Surely I do not have to explain it to you. We're in a competition?

Heather: Oh sure, so picking off my teammates while you totally blank me is strategy now?

Alejandro: Indeed it is! When dealing with jealousy-

Heather (grabbing his shirt): I am NOT jealous, you arrogant-

Alejandro: Of course I was referring to Courtney! I had to make her believe no one else existed for me. If she was focused on me, then you could've blindsided her- which you did! You're welcome. (Grabs her wrists) Believe me, Heather. The only woman I want to look at is you. (Heather stutters)

Heather (breathing heavily): That's- you're so- whatever. (Alejandro strokes her face, and she almost smiles… until the PA interrupts them)

Chris (on the PA): All losers, please report to the elimination area, all losers!

Alejandro (grinning): Now go vote Cody off already. (Heather nods)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro: Heather WAS jealous! This is so great! (Realizes what he said) N-Not because I want her too, uh, because she'll be that much easier to eliminate!

End Confessional

(Noah and Duncan sit in first class, Duncan scratches a carving of Gwen's face into the seat he's sitting in with his knife)

Noah: So you finally see how dangerous that eel is?

Duncan: Yup. And I also see how much spine you've got, nerd. I'll talk to Gwen later, but for now you've got an alliance with me. (The two shake hands. Cut to the elimination room, Team Amazon sit at the bleachers, none of them are looking at each other, Cody looks especially tense)

Heather (whispering to Gwen): Cody?

Gwen (sighing): He helped me with Courtney, but he's got to learn that I'm not interested! So yes, Cody.

Heather: Good. I could probably beat the little twerp in a tie-breaker.

Chris: Ahhhh, the elimination room. This is where one of you will be tossed into the darkness to plummet out of my life and possibly to the end of your own. And if this weren't a reward challenge, that would happen tonight! Psyche! No vote tonight, you're all safe! For now… (Heather groans, Sierra cheers, Gwen sighs and Cody relaxes) Yessiree! As we speak, Team Perfect Me is getting their reward- Swedish massages performed by a genuine registered massage therapist! (The Amazons all groan) What other therapists will our competitors need before the season's over? Find out next time on Total! Drama! World Tour!

(End Credits)

* * *

**That's all for now, folks! See ya next time!**

* * *

_Potential Votes-_

_Cody- Heather_

_Gwen- Cody_

_Heather- Cody_

_Sierra- Heather_

_Eliminated- No One_


	6. Aftermath Aftermayhem

**Hey-o! Welcome to a brand new chapter, this time taking place on the Aftermath show!**

**I'll be honest, almost nothing changes in this chapter. I just felt obliged to write it.**

**Fortunately at the time of uploading this, the next chapter is already out, so no worries about having to wait for quality changes and content.**

**Either way, if you choose to read this chapter, thanks anyways!**

* * *

(The Aftermath Logo appears, clips of previous episodes play)

(Clip One is from Picnic at Hanging Dork, Courtney "tries" to catch an emu)

Courtney (feigning sadness): Oh no! (Another one runs behind her, she makes a very weak effort to catch it) Oh this is tricky! (Another one runs by her and she "attempts" to grab it too late) Oh, I'll never catch one!

(Clip Two is from Broadway, Baby!, Noah, Tyler and Alejandro yank on the rope to pull Owen up, each time they pull Owen smacks his head on the Statue of Liberty's nose, Owen eventually gets stuck in the nostril)

Owen (his voice echoing): What the- where am I?! ECHO! (Giggles)

(Clip three is from I See London, Ezekiel is glaring at Noah and Owen)

Ezekiel (angrily): And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling nobs! (Cut to when Chef kicks him out of the plane, causing him to scream and fall)

Chef: Save travels!

(Clip four is from Newf Kids on the Rock, Tyler looks concerned as he is handed a cod by Chef)

Tyler: I don't think I can do this. It's a fish! (Cut to the clip where he and DJ are sitting on table and passionately kissing their respective cods, Tyler gets slapped by his)

(Opening credits)

(The Aftermath logo plays again and we cut to the main stage, overhead lights shine down and move around on the stage while everything else remains dark)

Geoff (off-screen): Attention, Total Drama fanatics! Forget the Aftermath, this is Total Drama Aftermayhem! (Geoff walks onstage from the left and into the spotlight, the audience cheers loudly) I'm your co-host Geoff, and this… is weird, 'cause Bridge is supposed to meet me up here, but maybe she's gonna surprise me! Makes sense, given that this show is FULL of mega surprises! But first, no one's gonna get an allergic reaction to THESE nuts! It's the peanut gallery! (Points to the row of seats on the right, the light shines down on all the previous competitors, sans Courtney, Owen, Ezekiel and Tyler, the audience cheers as they all wave happily (although Eva looks more worried)) And get this! Our own obnoxious, self-centered, roving reporter Blaineley is finally roving! Like, far away from here! (The audience cheers, cut to a map of the world with Blaineley's mugshot) Yes, Blaineley's off on a Total Drama tour to potential new franchise locations, and she's meeting with one Total Drama superfan contest winner in each country! (Cut back to Geoff) Stay tuned, 'cause apparently THIS superfan is Blaineley-obsessed! (Winces) Huh, wow. Never thought I'd say that. (Snaps out of it and points to the left off-stage) Take it away, Bridge! (Over on that side of the stage, the only person there is an old janitor, he scratches his butt and raises his eyebrow when he sees the camera, pan back over to Geoff) Where's my tofu angel at?

? (off-screen): Here's a hint- they eat a lot of red meat there! (Blaineley walks on stage from the left, revealing herself as the speaker, the audience and peanut gallery gasp)

Geoff (shocked): You?! You're supposed to-

Blaineley (patronizing): Well said, Geoffy boy. (Geoff growls)

Geoff (angrily whispering): What did you do to her?!

Blaineley (nonchalant): Oh, Geoff. How Bridgette left doesn't matter, what matters is that she DID leave! And I'm officially back in my co-host seat! (Blaineley sits down on the couch happily)

Geoff: But I thought you wanted out of your contract so you could-

Blaineley: Bail on this dumb train before my career is flushed down the bathroom confessional toilet of life? Hmm, turns out if the live show runs long I don't get paid. And if I try to leave the show for any reason (staring at the camera) other than being fired or accidentally killed on set by a falling light (back to Geoff) I'll get sued. (Geoff looks up at a light fixture that's slowly becoming more and more loose)

Geoff (hopeful): C'mon, come on…

Blaineley: Nice. Almost makes me wish the producers HAD sent me on the tour instead of Bridgette. Almost.

Geoff: The producers sent her away? (Blaineley nods, Geoff taps his earpiece, a staticy voice can be heard on the other end) Huh? Really?!

Blaineley (impatient): Okay, on with the show… (Begins to walk off, Geoff snatches her arm)

Geoff: Not so fast. As far as MY producers know you're standing by with our superfan right now, in (taps earpiece) the frigid mountains of Siberia? (Hangs up) Siberia? Where is Siberia? (Taps his earpiece again) We got her on the feed?! Put her up, stat! (The audience cheers as the monitor turns on, showing off a heavy blizzard in the middle of nowhere) Aw c'mon, it's all static!

Blaineley: I'm pretty sure that's a blizzard. (Bridgette appears on the monitor wearing a heavy fur coat, she's still shivering however)

Geoff (glaring at Blaineley): You did this… But how?!

Blaineley: I just took Bridgette to the airport to shoot a special report, slipped my passport and ticket into her purse, then helped her on the plane right before takeoff! (Flashbacks of Blaineley play; one of her putting Bridgette in a sack when she isn't paying attention, another of failing to toss her into the back of a truck, and a final clip of her throwing her onto a plane, she slams the door on Bridgette due to not getting her fully inside the plane)

Geoff (fuming): Must… resist… urge to murder-

Bridgette (panicked): GEOFF! (Geoff gasps and looks up at the monitor)

Geoff (reassuringly): Hey baby! You okay, Bridgey-Bear?

Bridgette (looking around nervously): Bear?! Is the bear back?! We've already lost one intern! (The camera begins to shake violently, Bridgette screams as she's crushed by an avalanche, the camera cuts to static after that, the audience and Peanut Gallery gasp again)

Geoff (panicked): Bridgey-Bear! Bridge, Bridge, Bridge, BRIIIIIDGE- (Blaineley slaps him)

Blaineley (annoyed): Snap out of it! I've got a show to host.

Geoff (disbelief): A SHOW?! She could be buried under ten feet of bear-infested Siber-Land snow right now!

Harold (off-screen): Uh, more like TWENTY, Geoff! (Geoff cringes at this) Oh. Sorry…

Geoff (turning back to Blaineley): You are a monster!

Blaineley (apathetic): Meh. Been called worse.

Geoff (directly to the camera): Bridge, if you can hear me, I will do EVERYthing in my power to get you back and get Blaineley gone! (The audience cheers as Blaineley gasps, Geoff storms off)

Blaineley (carrying on): To those of you just joining us, welcome to a fresh new installment of Total Drama Aftermath! (The audience cheers) And speaking of stars, I'm your one and only host, Blaineley Stacey Andrews O'halloran! (Nobody cheers at this; somebody coughs) You're too kind… (Recovering) Now let's meet tonight's special guests! He's stinky, funny, and can chug an entire bottle of vinegar like it's soda, Owen! (Owen walks onto the stage, smiling and waving, the audience cheers loudly) Next, he's the guy who flirted with danger, aka Courtney, even though he's got a memory-challenged girlfriend back home! It's Tyler! (Tyler cheers loudly as he swings in on a rope from the opposite side of the stage)

Tyler: Woo-hoo! Yeah, baby! Extreee- OOH! (Falls off the rope and lands in the audience with a loud thud, everyone cringes at this)

Lindsay: Ohmygosh, Tyler!

LeShawna (turning to Harold): Yes! I knew she'd remember his name! (High fives Harold) Five bucks, thank you! (Trent digs through his pockets and wordlessly gives a five dollar bill to LeShawna)

Blaineley: Next, it's Total Drama's most wanted contender, the prairie boy who went rogue after getting eliminated first- again!- Ezekiel! (Ezekiel walks onstage, nervously waving as the audience cheers) About time you showed up, hey? (Turns back to the camera) And lastly, this loser WORKED for her elimination after she discovered that her ex-best friend kissed her ex-boyfriend, it's Courtney! (Courtney growls and mutters as she furiously types away on her phone, she doesn't even notice a bear trying to walk after her that the backstage crew pull away with a hook) Watcha got there, Courtney? Are you pulling a Sierra and twerting about the show right now?

Courtney (glaring): Heck no! I'm trying to get my lawyers to get me back onto the show! I didn't deserve to be eliminated, not after Gwen stole my boyfriend!

Trent: Didn't Duncan dump you before Gwen kissed him?

Courtney: Hel-lo, he was obviously angry at the time and didn't mean it! How many times do I have to explain it?! (Blaineley shoves her aside)

Blaineley: Speaking of painful truths, it's time to kick things in the biscuits, with a fresh installment of- say it with me- That's Gonna Leave a Mark! (The entire studio goes quiet, Blaineley groans) Would it kill you to play along with me?!

(The clips begin, the first is in the confessional; Owen holds out a sausage, the door suddenly opens and a pack of corgis attack him, he shouts in pain. The next clip is in the brain-wiping room in Area 51, Noah is tossed from the tube onto the chair so hard that it launches him into the metal wall, he falls to the ground, unconscious. The last clip is in the Outback, Sierra is riding her emu when it suddenly turns around and tries to swallow her head, Sierra shrieks and flails her arms, the clips end and the audience is roaring with laughter)

Blaineley: It's time for me to announce our BIG surprise! (Owen and Ezekiel share a concerned look) Tonight, Total Drama aftermath is holding the first ever Total Drama Second Challenge! (Everyone in the Peanut Gallery except Tyler (who is in a wheelchair with some head bandages), Lindsay, Eva and Courtney cheer) That's right, our motley collection of Total Drama competitors just got Total Drama lucky! 'Cause they're about to compete for a second chance shot at that million dollar prize! What do you say Courtney? Are you ready to get back on the plane?

Courtney (furiously typing still): I'll be getting back on that plane soon enough!

Blaineley: That's the spirit! (Two interns walk on stage, they're both holding guns with peanut cans loaded in them) Five of you rejects are about to capture lightning in a bottle! Or in this case, peanuts in a can! (LeShawna, Harold, Beth and Eva get ready, Eva shoves Beth out of the way and Izzy leaps onto her; Sadie, Trent, Ezekiel and DJ all shove each other around. Owen licks his lips in excitement)

Owen: Mmmm, nutty goodness for free! (Courtney storms over)

Courtney (furious): Ugh! Why on earth am I paying those stupid lawyers?!

Blaineley: Fire in the hole! (The interns fire their guns, a can hits Tyler right in the stomach) Most of your cans contain salty nuggets of continued loserdom, aka peanuts! (A can slams DJ in the face, then ricochets into Harold's face, then drops into Beth's hands; Eva catches a can effortlessly, Owen swallows an entire can whole, and another can gets stuck in Sadie's stomach, causing her and Katie to cringe) But! Five contain something special, so crack 'em if you got 'em! (Izzy rips the top off her can, she peers inside of it, then happily eats the peanuts inside. Katie, Sadie and Harold dump out their cans, they're all full of peanuts. LeShawna opens hers, she yelps as a golden Chris head on a spring pops out)

LeShawna: A Chris-in-the-box? That's an insult to boxes!

Blaineley: LeShawna's our first lucky contestant to get a second chance at the million! One down, four more Chris' to go! (Trent and Justin pour their peanuts out, Trent tosses his can away. Eva dumps peanuts out of her can, she crushes it and growls in frustration. Lindsay opens hers… and out comes a Chris-in-the-box! It fires straight into the air and hits the overhead light from earlier, which falls down onto Tyler's head just as he's about to open his can) Captain Cranium, aka Lindsay, is in it to win it! Three to go! (DJ nervously opens his can, he smiles as he pours out peanuts. Beth rips the top off her can, a Chris-in-the-box shoots out) And Beth is back! (Ezekiel opens his can and tries to shake out any peanuts… which leads to him getting a Chris-in-the-box straight to the kiwis)

Ezekiel (in a high pitched voice): Ow… (Ezekiel falls over in pain, the audience gasps)

Blaineley: And for the fourth time this season, Ezekiel has another chance to win the million! Crawl on up here, Prairie Boy! (Ezekiel slowly worms over to the other lucky winners) Wait, there's only four confirmed winners. Who hasn't opened their can? (Tyler notices the can in his hand)

Tyler (dazed): Huh? Wha? Oh… (The Chris-in-the-box pops out and hits him in the face, causing him to lose consciousness)

Lindsay (squealing): Oh, Tyler!

Blaineley: Kid Coma is our fifth and final challenger! Let's give him a hand! (The audience cheers loudly, Tyler doesn't move) Seriously, somebody get him over here. What would a fresh bunch of losers be without an INJURED one? (Trent wheels Tyler over) Right, Tyler? (Tyler just mumbles incoherently, Blaineley taps her earpiece) Oh man! Seems our frigid-flunkey Bridgette's alive and ready to report! (The monitor turns on, Bridgette is still shivering in the blizzard; all the contestants (except Eva, Courtney and Justin) look concerned) So Bridge, last time you were this cold you made out with a pole and I- (Geoff runs over and gasps)

Geoff: Bridge! Talk to me!

Bridgette: S-S-Super f-fan's m-mad I'm not B-Blaineley! (A baby seal gets thrown over her head) Whoa! Will you stop throwing things at my head?! (Grunts as a sausage gets thrown at her stomach, she grabs it and throws it back)

Geoff: What does he want?

Blaineley: Is he hot? Like pole hot?

Geoff (growling): That's not important right now! (Thinking) Is he? (Snaps out of it) NO! Stay on point! There's gotta be a way to get Bridge back!

Superfan (in a Russian accent): Make Drama Brothers sing traditional Russian song of Blaineley!

Blaineley (touched): Aw, tell my superfan that I think he's super fantastic!

Trent: Didn't Chris say we don't need to sing anymore?

Blaineley: He never said you COULDN'T sing either. Besides, Chris isn't asking, my superfan is!

Superfan: SING! (Geoff groans and looks over at Harold and Justin)

Geoff: Brothers, are you with me? (Harold gives a thumbs up)

Blaineley: This oughta be a fate-sealer.

(The music begins, a bear plays the accordian, Justin is on tambourine, Trent plays the guitar and Harold plays on a tuba, they are all in their stage costumes)

Geoff (shirtless and wearing a Russian winter hat): Here's a open letter to a treasure of a girl-

Blaineley: That's me!

Geoff: Whose behavior on the show always makes me hurl-

Blaineley (stunned): What? (Geoff rushes over to a crew that are chained together)

Geoff: She's a nasty, fake, blonde schemer who calls herself YOUR HOST! But without the help of her enterge her job would be toast, HEY!

Blaineley (oblivious): HEY! (Realizes what he said) Hey…

(Geoff moves over to the peanut gallery)

Geoff (to DJ): She'll tell you that she loves your shirt, but it's something she can't stand! (DJ checks his shirt, Geoff moves to Katie and Sadie next) She's just so full of you-know-what she has to double flush the can, HEY!

Blaineley: I eat a lot of fiber!

(Geoff re-emerges with two pairs of jeans, one's noticeably bigger than the other)

Geoff: She bought two pairs of the same jeans, one size four and one size eight, (moves behind a changing screen) so when she wears the bigger ones you'll ask if she's lost weight, HEY! (Geoff walks out from behind the screen, wearing the larger jeans, they fall to his ankles and reveal his boxers, but this doesn't bother Geoff; however, Blaineley is stunned into silence)

Geoff (dancing around the stage): She's not the gal you think she is, so let me tell you blatantly; there's thick black hair between her toes (lifts her leg up to show off her disgusting, moldy foot and toes) and her real name isn't Blaineley, HEY! (Geoff resumes dancing) She's a bounty-scheming weasel-nose, and her real name isn't Blaineley; she steals and lies 'cause she's evil, bros, and her real name isn't Blaineleeeeeey! IT'S MILDRED!

(The audience, Drama Brothers and peanut gallery all cheer, Blaineley just remains petrified in embarrassment)

Geoff (back to the monitor): Alrighty, honey-boo. (He looks back at the monitor and gasps, a giant black bear on the other side is growling at the camera and Bridgette is backing away in fear, the bear shoves its hand in the camera, causing it to go fuzzy and cut out; everyone in the studio gasps) Bridge?!

Blaineley (sarcastic): Great song choice for a Blaineley superfan, Einstein.

Harold: If that's a Siberian brown bear, Bridgette's doomed! (The other brown bear flicks Harold on the back of the head) OW!

Geoff (glaring at Blaineley): My girl is DOOMED thanks to you!

Blaineley: YOU sang it, not me! And whoever told him about the hair in between my toes is going down!

Geoff (coldly): You're gonna pay for this. The gloves are off. (Gets in Blaineley's face) Like, way off. (Geoff walks away as the audience "ooohs")

Blaineley (nervously chuckling): Whoa! Take things seriously, much? Uh, she'll be fine...ish? (Nervously giggles) A-Anyways, someone's about to get another shot at the Total Drama million! Find out who next on Total Drama Aftermayhem! (The audience cheers, the light fixture finally falls down onto Blaineley's head, causing the audience to cheer even louder)

(Commercial Break)

(Cut to a different stage, Blaineley, Beth, LeShawna, Ezekiel and Lindsay are on it)

Blaineley: Welcome back to Total Drama Aftermayhem! One of these five Total Drama rejects is about to win our second chance challenge (Trent wheels Tyler over, who is still slumped over in pain) and go back into the big game for another shot at the million! So what IS the challenge? Total Drama: The Board Game! (Pan over to the right to reveal a life-sized board game; it's set up as an 12x6 board, some panels have a contestant's face on it, and some have a nation's flag on it)

LeShawna: A BOARD game? What year do you think this is, 1975?

Lindsay (confused): I don't get it, where are the borders?

Ezekiel: Ha! I totally got this! I'm the absolute dawg at Slides and Staircases! (Taps his chin) Though, I only played against myself.

Blaineley: Glad to see you STILL have that winning spirit, Zekey! But, this is no ordinary board game! The failures (to the five players)- that's you guys- (Tyler mutters something) take turns rolling a dice and hopping along the game board! But roll carefully, 'cause some of the squares are booby trapped! Each square represents either a final seven player, or one of the last five places the Jumbo Jet dumped them! Every square has a mini-challenge you'll have to complete before you can roll again. Fail, and you're out of the running. Get past this twelfth square to face this guard (referring to the old guard from I See London…) and his final skill-testing question! First to answer correctly wins! You guys ready to play?

Geoff (walking back from off-stage, wearing clothes again): Oh yeah, I'm ready to play. (Grins evilly) Play DIRTY.

Blaineley: Shouldn't you be commandeering a surfboard to Siberia right about now?

Geoff: Great idea! But nope. I just had to get operation "Payback" up and running before we could dig into this wicked challenge! (Taps his earpiece) Cue the clips, K-Man!

Blaineley (worried): W-What's going on?

Geoff: Seems a certain host wannabe didn't get the memo about the green room cam being on twenty four-seven!

Blaineley (realizing what he means): What?! N-NO! NOOOOO!

Geoff: Actually, YEAAAAAAH. (Turns to the camera) So, without further ado… it's time for Blaineley's Best Moments! (The audience cheers as the monitor turns on)

(A logo of Blaineley with a terrible haircut and a worse expression pops up; the first scene is of Blaineley eating a pizza, when it suddenly drops on the ground from her grip. Blaineley growls, then checks to make sure nobody is watching; she then picks up the pizza, which is now coated in dirt, bugs, a band-aid and some toenail clippings, and eats in anyways. The audience all shout "ew" in disgust, then laugh. The next clip shows Blaineley putting on safety goggles as she gets a buzzsaw and starts using it to cut through her terrible toenails. The third clip shows Blaineley making sure nobody is around, then letting her massive gut spill out; she then lets out a burp and fart strong enough to crack the camera; the audience roars with laughter as Blaineley just stands there, petrified again)

Geoff (laughing): My mom always said "if you could burp and fart at the same time, you have no soul."

Blaineley (nervous): I-It's amazing what editors can do with special effects and body doubles! (Only a few people laugh) Hurry, we're running late because of that FAKE clip! (Hands Lindsay a large dice block)

Geoff (innocently): Running late? Why do you care?

Blaineley (covering up): O-Oh, no reason! Nope, none!

Geoff: Wait… That's right! It's in your contract! If we don't finish on time, YOU don't get paid!

Blaineley: No, no, WE don't get paid.

Geoff (shrugging): Hey, either way. (Blaineley rolls her eyes)

Blaineley: Back to the stupid game. (Turns to Lindsay, who has taken her place on the board) You're up, Brainiac.

Lindsay: C'mon lucky number seven! (Tosses her dice onto the board, it shows a four)

Geoff: Oh snap, you get the Noah challenge! (Lindsay walks over to a panel with Noah's head on it, a large crate is dropped down from the top of the screen, loud roaring is heard from inside it)

Blaineley: You have to get rid of this Sasquatchanakwa the same way Noah did back in Paris! (The audience gasps as Lindsay taps her chin)

Lindsay (confused): Who's Noah again?

Geoff (grinning): Ah lemme tell you- when we first met Noah, it was back on the Island, and the first thing he did was get into a spat with my bro Duncan. He was put on the-

Blaineley (impatient): We don't have time for this! Just pretend you have a ball in your hand and throw it! (Presses a button on a remote control, the box opens up and the Sasquatchanakwa bursts out, roaring loudly; most of the audience shouts in surprise and fear, Lindsay just looks at her hand, confused)

Lindsay: ...How do you throw? (The Sasquatchanakwa approaches her, she screams and flails her arm around, the Sasquatchanakwa suddenly begins to pant; Lindsay looks at it in confusion) W-Why did it stop?!

Beth: It thinks you have a ball! Pretend to throw it!

Lindsay: I have a ball? Where?!

Geoff (calmly): Take your time Lindsay, it's around here somewhere.

Everyone else: THROW IT! (Lindsay pathetically "throws" the ball, the Sasquatchanakwa chases after it… and so does Izzy)

Izzy (running across the stage): I'll get it, I'll get it! (Everyone breathes in relief as the audience cheers)

Blaineley: Congrats, Lindsay! You're still in the game yay, Tyler you're up!

Lindsay: You can do it, Tyler! (Tyler mumbles and gives a shaky thumbs-up)

Trent (handing him a dice block): Here you go, buddy. Give it a roll! (Tyler grabs it over his head… then drops it onto his head, then onto the floor, it lands on a five)

Geoff: Five and half-alive for the T-Man! (Trent moves Tyler) That's right, take your time, buddy. (Blaineley glares at him) Dude's injured! (Trent moves Tyler over to a panel with the flag of Greece on it, he's about to cheer when the floor underneath him opens up, sending him below stage, a loud thud is heard. The audience gasps)

Blaineley (not caring): Ooh, hello booby trap, goodbye boob! One less player means we can pick up the pace! (To Trent) Thanks nursemaid, you can hit the gallery. I think there's an empty seat beside Courtney. (Trent walks over to the peanut gallery) Alright, next is Ezekiel! (Ezekiel tosses his dice; it lands on a two. He walks over to a panel with a green background and the number 51 on it) Area 51!

Geoff: Listen up, soldier! (Two laser shooters are placed on both sides of Ezekiel) You have to dodge some lasers without breaking contact with the square for ten seconds! (Two aliens float over to Ezekiel, freaking him out even more) Or a pair of alien face-huggers-

Blaineley: Will not so much HUG your face as they will squeeze the life out of it, ready and-

Ezekiel: W-Wait, don't I have to guess who did the murder?

Blaineley: That's the board game Hint. Go! (The lasers begin shooting at Ezekiel, he keeps dodging them effectively)

Geoff: Looks like all that time sneaking around the plane taught you to be agile, eh?

Blaineley: Planning on signing up for Canandian Stealth Warrior? (Ezekiel keeps dodging) Six seconds left!

Ezekiel: H-Hey! I think I can do this! (One of the lasers then shoots him in the butt, causing him to yelp and jump off the panel, he runs away as the aliens chase him) HELP! (Yelps as they get closer) SOMEBODY STOP 'EM, EH! (His screams are muffled as the aliens cover his head, he keeps running around, flailing his arms; he eventually crashes into something off-screen)

Blaineley: Enjoy your facial! (Turns back to LeShawna) Okay, LeShawna! Your roll. (LeShawna tosses her dice, it lands on a three; she walks onto a panel with Australia's flag on on it)

Geoff: Australia! Ooh man, good luck with this one! (Cut to later on, there is now a boxing ring on the main stage, LeShawna glares down a kangaroo as she slips some boxing gloves) Your challenge is to spar for a full round with a boxing kangaroo! (The kangaroo yawns)

LeShawna (raising her gloves): Pssh! I tangled with Heather, remember? Puh, piece of cake! (Looks to Harold) This one's for you, Gingabiscuit! (The kangaroo punches her in the face while she isn't looking, causing everyone to cringe, LeShawna hits the ground immediately)

Harold: LeShawna, my brawling beauty! Don't worry, I will avenge you! (Leaps into the ring, he removes his shirt and puts on some boxing gloves. He shadow boxes for a bit, then nods) Let's do this! (The kangaroo punches him in the face once, knocking him out immediately as well, the kangaroo yawns)

Geoff: Okay, looks like it's down to Lindsay and Beth! Roll with it! (Beth tosses her dice, it lands on a six) SIX! (Beth walks up to a panel with Heather's face on it)

Blaineley: The Heather square! Your challenge is to create a haiku! Whatever that is. (Geoff taps his earpiece)

Geoff: It's a three-line Japanese poem with seventeen syllables! (Grins) Duh!

Blaineley (groaning): Stop feeding him lines!

Geoff: Since this is the Heather square, your haiku has to highlight one of Heather's positive attributes!

Beth: But she has no positive attributes! It's impossible!

Geoff (grinning): Just take your time, Beth. (Blaineley clamps her hand over his mouth)

Blaineley (quickly): In ten seconds or less, starting now!

Beth (thinking): Um, uh… Heather has ten toes?

Blaineley: True, but not very positive.

Beth: Um… webbed feet for summer swimming? (Gasps) She's fast in water! (A bell dings)

Geoff: Way to go, Beth! Ha, you're still in the running for a second chance for the mill!

Blaineley (impatient): Let's go, peeps! Quick like bunnies! (Turns to Lindsay) Lindsay, you're up! (Lindsay rolls her dice, it lands on a five) The Sweden square! (Lindsay walks to a panel with the flag of Sweden on it; awaiting her it a table with a plate of three meatballs on it)

Geoff: Alright, all you gotta do is balance three of these Swedish meatballs on your nose for a three second- (Lindsay begins barking like a seal as she balances all three meatballs on her nose effortlessly, she tosses them into the air after three seconds)

Lindsay: Sorry, I totally wasn't listening! What's my challenge?

Geoff: It's already over! And you're still in the game! (The three meatballs fall back down on Lindsay's head)

Blaineley: Beth's turn, (prodding her) go, go, go! (Beth tosses the dice block again, it lands on a six)

Geoff: Another six?! That's the last square!

Blaineley (pushing Beth along, who is holding a sack now): Okay, quickly now, your challenge is from London! Use the sack to capture this intern who's dressed like Jack the Ripper! (Yanks an intern over to them, then runs off. The intern smiles and waves to Beth, then pulls the Old Man Jenkins mask on) Drag him over to Sergeant Beefy here to get the skill-testing question, forty-five seconds, GO! (Beth roars and chases the intern as he flees, she chases him all over the stage until a loud crash is heard off-screen, Geoff taps his earpiece)

Geoff: Awesome! The satellite footage is up again! (The monitor turns on… to show the black bear roaring loudly) Oh no, that's not good… (The footage pans back to show that Bridgette is wrapping the bear's arm in a cast, the bear winces in pain)

Blaineley (smug): Wounded paw, meet soft-headed animal-lover. I don't think Bridgey-bear's going anywhere.

Bridgette: I have to stay until Bruno's better! (The bear, now named Bruno, smiles as she rubs his paw)

Geoff: But Bridge, you can't stay! What about the show? What about me?! You can't leave me with this… thing! (Points to Blaineley, the monitor cuts to static again) Bridge! (Turns back to Blaineley) Have I told you-

Blaineley (uninterested): You're gonna make me pay if it's the last thing you do, yadda yadda- oof! (Falls over as a filled sack is tossed into her, the intern grins sheepishly as Blaineley glares daggers at him)

Beth (celebrating): I ALWAYS get my man! Now how about that question?! (The intern scrambles off)

Geoff: Well now, ain't karma a real-

Blaineley (recovering): That wasn't karma, it was bad aim. Ugh, no time! (Turns to the guard) READ THE QUESTION! (The guard slowly checks all his pockets, until he snaps his fingers and looks underneath his hat. He grabs a card and coughs into his fist, Blaineley groans and snatches it from him, then turns back to Beth) What's the name of Duncan's punk band back in London? (Beth thinks) Come on Beth, it's easy!

Beth: Stop pressuring me, I'm thinking! Can I get a hint?

Blaineley: Come on Beth! Just say it's 'der Schnitzel Kickers'! 'Der Schnitzel Kickers' is the answer! (A bell dings loudly, and balloons and confetti rain down from the ceiling) Wait, what? (Geoff smiles happily)

Geoff: YES! (Shakes Blaineley's hand) Congratulations, Blaineley! First person to answer correctly gets a ticket to the Total Drama plane! (Deviously) 'Member?

Blaineley (shocked): ME?! Out THERE?! With those-those-those LOSERS?! Forget it! No one can make me go, no one! (Three interns armed with sacks and ropes surround her) Except maybe them. (She runs off, the interns chase after her and punching can be heard off-screen)

Geoff: And that's our show! My girl won't be back for a while, but neither will Blaineley! YEAH!

Blaineley: LET GO! (The interns have tied her up in a sack and are carrying her and her luggage away) I have no chance! They'll edit me into some kind of shrill, caddy monster!

Geoff: Next time we'll be coming to you live from our top-secret finale location to give you a wicked sneak peek at the carnage in store for our final two! And it's gonna be BRUTAL, you guys! Right here on Total! Drama! Aftermath!

(End Credits)

* * *

**Thanks for reading! The next chapter should already be up, so enjoy that one more!**

**Also, yes I removed Zombie Ezekiel. I get that the original writers wanted to do something with him, but he had no fans whatsoever, so they figured they could do anything with him and no one would care, but I want to at least have SOME respect for each of the characters... though I have done a pretty bad job with Courtney, not gonna lie. Yeah, I'll be rewriting this rewrite a bit more in the future, but for now I'd like to finish it first.**


	7. Niagara Brawls

**And welcome to the next chapter of this rewrite! Get ready, because there's gonna be a lot of major changes starting now! What do I mean by that? Stick around a find out!**

* * *

Chris (voiceover, clips of the last episode play): Last time on Total Drama World Tour, the gang nearly turned into Swedish meatball-pops! But the competition heated WAY up as Noah put the burn on Alejandro by convincing Duncan not to trust him! And if you think THAT in-fighting's bad, get a load of Team Amazon, who cracked under the pressure harder than Gwen's face cracked under a Noah-style missile! And it seems as though Alejandro's got feelings, err, plans for Heather as well! Sizzling! Is there anything this dude can't handle? We'll see! (Cut to the cockpit) 'Cause this time, I'm adding someone who's gonna kick things up to thermo-nuclear! This show is so hot, it would take about a bazillion gallons of water to cool us off! And we got 'em, coming up on Total! Drama! World Tour!

(Opening Credits)

(Cut to the inside of the plane at night, Gwen and Duncan are talking near the Confessional)

Gwen (surprised): Whoa, for real? You think Alejandro did all that?

Duncan: I KNOW he did all that. The dude reeks of "slimebag"! He's gonna be a major threat if we don't get rid of him soon. (Unbeknownst to them, Alejandro is hiding in a hallway)

Gwen: So that's why you and Noah decided to start an alliance? To get him out of here? (Alejandro silently gasps)

Duncan: Yep. The merge is coming soon, so we'll need every vote we can get. (Grins) So, you in?

Gwen (teasingly): I dunno, what's in it for me?

Duncan: How's NOT getting kicked off the plane sound for ya?

Gwen: Hmm, I dunno getting off this death trap sooner rather than later sounds good to me. (Duncan snorts)

Duncan: Sure, but then I'll miss you. (Alejandro rolls his eyes and pretends to gag)

Gwen: Aw, we can't have that, can we? Fine, when the merge comes I'll help you kick him off.

Duncan: Thanks, babe. (Remembers something) Oh yeah, and as much as I hate to say it, you think you can get the dweeb to vote with you? (Alejandro raises his eyebrow at this)

Gwen: Cody? I mean, he's kinda obsessed with getting Sierra off his case, not that I blame him, but I think I could convince him. (Alejandro grins at this)

Duncan: Thanks again, babe. (Kisses her on the cheek) I'm off to bed. G'night. (They both go their separate ways, Alejandro sticks closer to the wall as Duncan passes him; he goes unnoticed)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro (scowling): I KNEW Noah had turned Duncan against me! (Groans) It took a whole night of waiting for Duncan to finally meet up with Gwen, as I expected, but it was well worth it! (Smirking) But I have no worries. Noah can have this victory for now. But now that I have an "in" with Heather, and I know what Cody wants, I'll be able to get allies of my own. May the best man win. (Smug) Which, of course, is me.

End Confessional

(Cut to later on, all the contestants have been moved to the lower bay, they are all sound asleep. Next to them are two very large swan boats. Two interns finishing dragging Cody over to the bay, pan over to Chris and Chef, who're giggling all the while)

Chris: Y'know, this show can never have enough rude awakenings. (Presses a button, the bay doors suddenly open and all the contestants fall into the air. After several minutes of silent falling, Sierra is the first to wake up)

Sierra (dazed): Huh- wha? Cody… (realizes she is free falling) WHAT?! (Looks around to see the others) GUYS! WAKE UP! (The others soon wake up and start screaming as well, the swan boats are falling with them)

Chris (calling down to them): Hey, kids! You better get into your paddle boats! (Heather clings to the neck of one of the swan boats, Noah and Sierra grab onto it too; Gwen, Alejandro, Duncan and Cody grab hold of the other boat; the boats hit a river with a loud splash, Chris cringes) Oooh… (All the contestants climb onto the boats, dazed and soaked)

Sierra (groaning): I'm starting to question my mom's crush on Chris, just a little.

Noah: Well, at least we know crazy runs in the family. (Heather looks past him and gasps)

Heather: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

Noah: No, I'm serious. Crazy genes are hereditary. (Sierra gasps as well; pan over to show that they're about to go off the NIAGARA FALLS)

Gwen (stunned): Wa… Wa…?

Alejandro (panicked): Waterfall! Quick, paddle! (Everyone sits in their boats and begin paddle furiously)

Cody: Is Chris for real?! Hasn't he tried to kill us enough yet?!

Gwen: It's CHRIS; his murder-itch is NEVER satisfied!

Heather (praying): If we live, I promise I'll apologize to every- okay, SOME people who I was a jerk to!

Duncan (likewise): If we live, I'll start taking the law more seriously!

Cody (also likewise): If we live, I'll let Sierra kiss me! (Everyone in his boat stops and gives him an odd look) What? Like we're gonna make it! (Sierra gasps)

Sierra: I. Want. My. KISS! (Sierra suddenly ties a rope around Noah, then throws him to the other boat; Noah barely hangs onto the swan's neck)

Noah (deadpan): We're about to die anyways, why prolong it, am I right? (Everyone screams as they get closer and closer to the falls, Sierra grips the rope in her teeth and starts paddling furiously, the boats suddenly take off away from the falls like a motorboat… until they hit a beach and crash at full speed, everyone groans and pants heavily. Sierra crawls over Cody)

Sierra: Don't worry, Cody. (Cody opens his eyes) I will restore your breathing and save your life!

Cody (disturbed): My breathing is just fi- (Sierra cuts him off as she smashes her lips against his, Cody attempts to shove her off, but she pins his arms down and keeps kissing him anyways)

Confessional (Cody)

(Cody gargles some water, spits it out, then takes another sip of water from his cup and spits it out again. A low moan can be heard before he then vomits violently)

End Confessional

(Chris approaches the challengers on the beach)

Chris (holding back his laughter): So, Niagara Falls is pretty awesome, eh?

Heather (mad): It almost KILLED us!

Chris: Like I said, awesome. The falls is the jewel in Canada's crown, and one of the top ten natural wonders in the world! It's also known for its fabulous casino, which is where we'll be heading for the first part of the challenge! (Everyone perks up instantly)

Duncan (excited): Aw man, seriously?! (Cut to later on, when they're in the "casino", which is mostly empty) Seriously?

Chris: Since you're all underaged, we had to move the challenge from the gambling floor to the far less exciting casino concert hall.

Noah: Please don't tell me WE have to perform for this challenge.

Chris: You're in luck, Noah my guy! Last time on the Aftermath show, they had a second chance challenge, where one of the losers could score a spot back in the game! And we're about to enjoy a little number from the winner!

Alejandro: Hold on, a number? I thought you said singing isn't a part of this season anymore?

Chris: And you're right, so if you don't sing here you won't suffer the disqualification hammer! But this lucky contestant demanded they do a number with the threat of a law suit if they couldn't, and because our lawyers are busy explaining all the stuff we've done since Egypt to each country's respective governments, we couldn't fight them on this one.

Duncan (rolling his eyes): Oh geez, is it Courtney?

Heather (scowling): Please, anyone OTHER than her!

Noah (praying): Whoever it is, please be a sane person!

Chris (in an announcer's voice): She's 200 pounds of sassy in a ninety pound package, and she's wearing twelve pounds of mascara! (Noah, Cody, Gwen and Alejandro look hesitant while Duncan, Heather and Sierra are raising their eyebrows) IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT'S BLAINELEY!

Alejandro: Que?

Gwen: What?

Heather: Who?

(The music starts, the stage suddenly opens up revealing a large, cake-shape structure, with none other than Blaineley at the top of it with a microphone)

Blaineley: _Blain-Blain-Blain-Blain-Blainerific is my name, dishing dirt is my game! _(The scene suddenly changes so she's at a red carpet interview, she models as cameras take photographs with her) _Invading your TV with my Blainilicious frame!_

Alejandro (he and the others are still in front of the stage): Are you for real, Chris? (Blaineley suddenly shoves him out of the way)

Blaineley: _I'm fa-fa-famous! Famous!_ (Walks off)

Gwen: Wait wait wait, why is she here? Does Chris think we're a bunch of fools? What happened to the rules?

Chris (getting in her face): _Rules? This ain't no Sunday school! Thanks to her, our ratings rule!_ (Blaineley walks down a runway as other competitors make comments)

Noah: _So narcissistic._

Heather: _It makes me si-ick!_ (Blaineley pulls a rope and sends them both down a trap door)

Blaineley: _I'm fa-fa-famous! Famous! _(Walks into a coffee shop where Duncan and Sierra are sitting, she walks up to the counter) _Get me a half-fat, no foam latte steam to one-hundred-two heat!_ (The music stops as the cashier hands her her drink) I'm quite specific. (Walks off, sipping her coffee, the music starts again)

Sierra: What's "Blainerific"?

Duncan (glaring after Blaineley): _So-So horrific. _

Blaineley (singing on the stage): _I'm fa-fa-famo-_

Cody (interrupting her): Who's that girl again?

Blaineley (enraged): WHAT?! (The music stops and Cody cringes in fear) Who am I? Who AM I? Who are you! (Cody runs off as multiple sets appear as she talks) I'm the host of the puppy bachelorette! I was nominated for a Gemmi award! (Pulls out a trophy and tosses it away as she walks to another set, where Cody is seated) I interviewed YOU for Celebrity Manhunt! (Snaps, the music returns; this time, Blaineley is in a set where she's mixing chemicals while wearing safety goggles)

Blaineley: _It's a fact and scientific, that I'm so Blainerific! _(The test tube she's holding explodes, Gwen and Heather remove the smoke and fire with fire extinguishers)

Gwen and Heather: _She's not so famous, turns out she's not so famous!_ (Blaineley glares at them as the music stops, for good this time)

Blaineley: Pfft, whatevers. So which one of these lame teams am I on anyway?

Chris: You're on your own! Because as of right now, there are no more teams! (Heather and Gwen cheer)

Alejandro (shaking Duncan's hand): Well, gentlemen, it's been an honor! I trust our brotherhood can continue in some manner?

Duncan: Of COURSE, man.

Noah: Sure, all the way to the end, right? (Alejandro walks off, Noah and Duncan share a look. A loud scraping noise is suddenly heard, everyone looks up on the stage to see Chef in his pink dress pushing along a giant slot machine with all the male contestant's faces on it)

Chris: Since we ARE in the honeymoon capital of the world, I thought it'd be cool to drop some arranged marriages on you! (Giggles and rubs his hands together; Sierra silently squeals as she looks at Cody, who cringes) Check it out! Slots 'o fun for me, not so fun for you! (Chef pulls the lever on the slots, making the icons spin rapidly) Each girl will pull the lever to win a husband she'll team up with for today's challenge! (The slots land on Cody) Cha-ching!

Confessional (Sierra)

Sierra (breathing heavily into a bag): Husband! (Fans her eyes with her hand) Cody! (Breathes heavily some more) FOREVER! (Falls over)

(End Confessional)

(All the guys are painfully shoved into the slot machine by Chef. He then gives the que for an off-screen hook to lower… a giant brown bear in a cage!)

Heather (concerned): Um, what's the bear for?

Chris: Casinos are all about excitement, and what's more exciting than a big, angry bear?! (The bottom of the cage opens up and drops the bear into the slot machine from the top, the door closes and shouts of pain, punches and roaring can be heard from the inside of the machine)

Chris: Trust me, you don't wanna land on that guy. Let the games begin! Sierra, you're up! (Sierra zips over to the slot machine and grips the lever)

Sierra: Mamma needs a new pair of Codies! (Pulls the lever down, the slot machine comes up with Alejandro; Sierra gasps as Alejandro slides out of the slot machine, she quickly slams the exit shut on his arm, causing him to shout in pain) NO!

Alejandro (in pain): I'M STUCK!

Chris: Sierra, you've won- (Sierra runs over to him and grabs him by the collar)

Sierra (breathing rapidly): This isn't happening… this isn't happening! THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!

Heather (helping Alejandro up): _I _better take him. She won't stop unless SOMEbody does.

Blaineley: Why do YOU get to take him?

Gwen: It's better that way.

Sierra (calmed down): Yep, Heather! Not for me! (Heather walks Alejandro off, Gwen raises an eyebrow)

Confessional (Gwen)

Gwen: Okay, something's not right. Not too long ago, Heather thought of nothing but how much she hated that guy. But now, it's like the two are… getting along? (Realizes something) Is SHE under Alejandro's influence now? (Shakes her head) No, no… Heather's too cunning for that. Maybe I can ask Duncan and Noah what they know about him.

(End Confessional)

(Sierra is pried away from the lever by Chef, she shrieks horribly as she leaves a lot of drool on the lever)

Chris: Whoa, whoa there Bride-zilla. Back of the line for you. Blaineley, you're next! (Blaineley pulls a napkin from her bra and uses it to pull down the lever, the slots land on… Noah. Noah shrieks as he slides out the exit, when he sees Blaineley he quickly tries to climb back into the machine, but to no avail as he keeps sliding down)

Blaineley: Oh c'mon, you could've gotten worse. Like, Sierra worse. (Noah gives up and groans) Besides, marrying an audience favorite COULD be a positive boost for my image.

Noah (perplexed): I'M an audience favorite?

Blaineley: Surprisingly, a large demographic of viewers like snarky know-it-alls, for some odd reason. Just remember that the most important thing on TV is-

Noah: Your likability index?

Blaineley: Y-Yeah… How'd you know?

Noah (grunting as he stands up): Being the assistant of Chris McSchmuck came with SOME advantages. (Glaring) Except for getting paid! (Chris just giggles)

Blaineley: Well, the one thing you ARE lacking in is the "looks" department. (Noah glares at her) I mean, compared to other beefcakes on the show, you're really lacking.

Noah (sarcastic): Oh no, I don't appeal to the shallow skin-deep fangirls who're in love with dudes like Justin and Trent just for their looks. However can I go on with life?

Blaineley (ignoring him): Well, get some makeup on those cheeks of yours, contour them correctly, and you'll look 25% more masculine already! Makeup, pronto! (Claps, no one responds) Stat? Nine-one-one?!

Confessional (Blaineley)

Blaineley: What kind of TV show doesn't have a makeup department? This cast needs to get some gumption! (Whispering) And agents.

(End Confessional)

Gwen (to herself): Please let me get Duncan, please let me get Duncan, PLEASE let me get Duncan! C'mon, karma, you owe me! (Pulls the lever, and the slots show… the bear! It simply slides out the exit and stares at Gwen, then roars loudly, chasing her and the other contestants around)

Chris: First Duncan, now a bear? Does Gwen know no limits? (Gwen runs across the stage, screaming, the bear chasing after her) Will she get mauled in the falls? Find out after this!

(Commercial Break)

(Gwen (who's covered in scratches and bruises) glares as Chef drags the bear away on a chain, Sierra just cringes)

Chris: Gwen and the bear are in Splitsville already? (Laughs) Gwen, now that you're on the rebound, let's pull the lever again for lucky husband number two! (Gwen wordlessly pulls the lever, the slots land on… Duncan!)

Gwen (relieved): FINALLY!

Confessional (Gwen)

Gwen: Karma still owes me more than this, though.

(End Confessional)

(Duncan slides out of the machine, flailing his arms desperately, when he sees Gwen he calms down)

Duncan (breathless): Oh thank heavens! (Catches his breath)

Sierra (cheering): YES! My blog, where Cody and I are married, just became a prophecy! (Cody, who's at the top exit of the slot machine, quickly ducks back into the machine. Cut to later on, down a hallway are four wedding dresses, leading up to them are a bunch of obstacle courses; at the opposite side of the room, the females are all blindfolded while the males all stand on white pillars while holding megaphones)

Chris: Because a good marriage is based on trust, and the ability to argue louder than your spouse, each groom will use a megaphone to guide their blinded bride safely to her gown! (Sierra claps) Only couples with a dress can continue! Go!

Gwen (stunned): Wedding dresses? Oh come on! Couldn't we have gotten something cooler?

Chris: It was either these expensive dresses, or the cheap penalty hoses!

All the Girls (And Cody): NO!

Chris: Didn't think so.

Noah (whispering to Duncan): Check this out. (Turns his megaphone on) Blaineley, walk three paces ahead and turn left! (Blaineley walks into a kid pool full of mud, Noah and Duncan burst out laughing)

Blaineley: You little brat! We're supposed to be WINNING!

Noah (giggling): I meant MY left! Sorry. (Blaineley groans and mutters curses)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: Sure, I need immunity from Aledrago, but sticking it to Blaineley feels a LOT more rewarding than immunity does.

End Confessional

Alejandro: Heather! Go a little to the right! Right!

Heather (annoyed): I AM going right!

Alejandro: Too far! Left, go left! (Heather walks into her wedding dress) Yes, chica! We won!

Heather: Yeah, no thanks to your "brilliant" directions! (Cut to Sierra, who's walking around aimlessly)

Sierra: Cody? Could you please speak a little louder? (Cody moans)

Cody (moping): How about right? (Sierra walks off the stage. Cut to Duncan)

Duncan: Now right! (Gwen stumbles to the right a little) Careful! Look out for the- (Gwen yelps as she trips into a mud pool, Duncan cringes) Ooooh, sorry babe!

Gwen (off-screen): I'm fine! (Pan over to Noah, who now looks annoyed)

Noah: Keep! Moving! Forwards!

Blaineley (stubbornly): You'll have to be more specific than that! (Noah groans and rolls his eyes)

Noah: Move 35 degrees southwest, then stop after twelve paces! (Blaineley obliges… then walks into a cake) That was THIRTEEN paces.

Blaineley: NOOOOOOOO! (Growls angrily)

Noah: What, it's just cake.

Blaineley: JUST cake? JUST CAKE? I just gained five pounds just by touching it!

Noah: Oh the horror. (Blaineley licks her cake covered finger… and sighs in happiness)

Blaineley: Oh sugar, it's been years! Where have you been?! It's like, (tastes again) vanilla flavored paradise! With a hint of lemon! (Noah just looks weirded out)

Noah (to the camera): Hey Owen, I found your new dream girl.

Confessional (Blaineley)

(Blaineley stuffs her face with cake)

End Confessional

(Noah and Duncan laugh as Blaineley walks into a bell, Alejandro finally pipes up with his megaphone)

Alejandro: Blaineley, simply take two paces to the left, and then five paces straight ahead! (Blaineley obeys)

Duncan: Aw, c'mon dude!

Noah (raising an eyebrow): Is there a reason why you're helping me win?

Alejandro: My apologies, but the gentlemen's code demands that I don't let any woman get treated awfully! (Duncan and Noah glare at him)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro: Noah doesn't realize it, but he's creating a new chance for an alliance between me and Blaineley. He continues to treat her awfully, and I help her recover. (Raises an eyebrow) I wasn't expecting someone like her to join the game, but the more the merrier! Besides, once I get to work on Cody, I'll make sure Noah and Duncan will NEVER have the majority vote against me again! But for now, I must act ignorant of their alliance. (Smirks) For now.

End Confessional

(Gwen finds her dress next)

Gwen: Finally!

Duncan: All right, babe! (Blaineley gets her dress next)

Blaineley: Finally! (Glares back at Noah) At least SOMEbody here is a gentleman!

Confessional (Heather)

Heather: I don't know what weddings Alejandro has been to, but each groom gets ONE bride. One. Whatever game he's playing now better be worth it.

End Confessional

Chris: Time to move on to the next challenge! Too bad for Sierra, but- (Sierra suddenly gasps and charges towards her dress, dodging every obstacle along the way on her own, she tackles her dress to the ground)

Sierra: GOT IT! Cody, I got the dress! (Cody just looks very disturbed)

Confessional (Cody)

Cody (bewildered): What? How? Does she have some kind of creepy wedding dress radar implanted in her?!

Confessional (Gwen)

(Gwen is scribbling all over her wedding dress with a black marker)

Gwen: If I'm going to die in a wedding dress, I at LEAST want it to look appropriate for death.

End Confessional

(Cut to the falls; the contestants are standing on a tower on one end of the falls, a tightrope connects it to another tower on the other side of the falls, the girls are all wearing their wedding dresses (Gwen's is colored black))

Chris: I'd like to call this next challenge: 'Till Death Do You Part! (All the contestants look down below them)

Blaineley: Okay, so there's no makeup people. But you have to have stunt doubles SOMEtimes, right? (Looks around as the others give her odd looks) Right?

Noah (teasingly): Sure WE'VE got stunt doubles, but they probably haven't found one for you yet. (Blaineley freezes in fear)

Cody (to Chris): We escaped falling down Niagara Falls just so you could make us walk OVER it? On a tightrope?!

Chris: Even better! Each groom has to carry his bride across the gorge, and you've got to successfully clear customs! (Chef, who is on the other tower, waves as he wears a border guard outfit) First pair to do so wins immunity, and a pimped out wedding reception in first class! Heather and Alejandro won the first challenge, so I'm giving them a head start!

Alejandro (raising his hand to Heather): Ready, Mrs. Alejandro?

Heather: Only if YOU are, Mr. Heather.

Chris: And I nearly forgot! Because the falls weren't quite unpleasant enough, we stocked them with hungry, hungry sharks! (Down below, three sharks drift by in a boat, two of them are armed with harpoons. Everyone at the top cringes)

Blaineley (petrified): Th-Those are costumed actors, r-right?! (Noah is about to speak when she clamps her hand over his mouth) Not a word from you, Snarky! (Noah rolls his eyes, Alejandro grins at this)

Alejandro (to himself): Just a bit more…

Duncan (interrupting his thoughts): Who're you talking to? (Alejandro coughs)

Alejandro (feigning innocence): I wasn't saying anything. Just a cough.

Duncan (suspicious): Uh-huh…

Confessional (Duncan)

Duncan: The dude had that look in his eye, like he was about to pull off some evil master plan. I don't know what he's thinking right now though; if he goes for Noah, then that's just confirmation for Heather to join me, Gwen and the dweeb in giving him the boot; at least, that's what Noah suspects. Either way, he's up to something.

End Confessional

(Alejandro holds his arms out for Heather)

Alejandro: Come along, better half! Let us take advantage of our head start. (Scoops Heather into his arms, who scowls)

Confessional (Heather)

Heather: I've seen the way he's been looking at Barferific and Pencil-Neck. He's planning something that involves them. (Thinks) Perhaps that dweeb actually knows something about Alejandro? I haven't been able to catch him in the confessional or on the plane, but now's a better time than ever to start doing some investigation. (Glares) I don't trust Alejandro, but I still can't pin down what he's up to.

End Confessional

Chris: And remember, violence is never the answer… except on this show! Go! (Cody glances down at the water below, he groans)

Sierra (concerned): Cody, you look sick. Do you want me to carry you?

Cody (nervous): Uh, I don't know if that's such a- (Sierra scoops him up anyways and charges down the tightrope)

Confessional (Sierra)

Sierra (excitedly rubbing her hands together): Here's something Cody DOESN'T know- I became an ordained minister on the internet! I can marry Cody for real, oh yeah! I'll recite the ceremonies super fast, and all he has to say is "I do!"

End Confessional

Sierra (as she dashes across the rope): DoyouCodytakemeSierratobeyourlawfullyweddedwife?

Cody: Pardon?

Sierra: For a wedding present, I was thinking of buying you a convertible! Do you like that idea?

Cody: Sure, but you know this wedding this is just for the GAME, right?

Sierra (sly): Is there any other way you'd like to phrase that? Two words? Starts with "I", hmm? (Cut to Noah as he carefully walks across while carrying Blaineley, he's straining and breaving heavily)

Blaineley (impatient): Do I have to get spurs or what? Hurry! They're getting away! (Suddenly toots, Noah gives her a disgusted look)

Noah: Yeah, you are definitely Owen's dream girl. (Gags on the smell)

Blaineley: Don't say that!

Noah: Why not, everyone within a half mile can smell it anyways. (Pan down to the bottom of the falls, a shark smells the fart, then promptly dies, its shark friend wails loudly and roars to the sky, pan back up to Noah and Blaineley, who watched the whole thing, confused) Case in point.

Blaineley: Wait, if THAT happened to the shark then why aren't you dead?

Noah: Having a giant gas bomb of a friend that goes off every ten minutes is basically like gaining an immunity to all sorts of smells.

Blaineley: Where's the editor? I-I need a contract stating that my bodily expression WON'T make it into the final cut! (Noah just sighs and rolls his eyes; cut to Heather and Alejandro)

Heather: What's your game with Blaineley?

Alejandro: Game? What game?

Heather: I've seen the way you've been looking at her! What plans are you concocting now. (Alejandro sighs)

Alejandro: If you must know, I've found a way for us to acquire the majority vote for the next 4 eliminations. We just need to eliminate one wild card.

Heather: And WHO would that be? (Alejandro whispers it to Heather) Seriously? You think that will get us the majority vote?

Alejandro: I have never been more sure in my life! But, we'll have to make a deal with Blaineley in order to pull it off.

Heather: I don't LIKE making compromises. (Alejandro glances behind him and grins)

Alejandro (pretending to lose his balance): Well get ready, because you're about to make one! (Suddenly falls off into the water below, he and Heather scream the whole way down)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro (snickering): Of course I fell on purpose! I am a gifted balancer! But it wouldn't be wise to appear too strong right now, with the teams dissolved. (Smug) I don't require immunity! Heather and I are already in an alliance, but now I only need to wait like a crocodillo for Blaineley to get another one. After her? (Snickers) Lets just say I'll become unbeatable.

End Confessional

(Sierra finally reaches the second tower)

Chef (reading a manuscript): Business or pleasure trip?

Sierra: Super-duper-married pleasure!

Chef (pulling out a flash card): 'Kay then. Few questions first. What is Canada's capital?

Cody: That's easy, Ottawa!

Sierra (interrupting him): I-I think what Chef meant to say was "Say yes in two words!" (Giggles)

Cody (confused): What?

Chef (reading another flash card): What leaf is on Canada's flag?

Cody: The maple- (Sierra clamps her hand over his mouth)

Sierra: No, Chef! Don't you wanna ask Cody whether he LOVES the Canadian flag?

Cody (annoyed): Of course! (Sierra shouts in frustration)

Sierra: DO! DO, DO!

Chef: Clearly y'all are declared as "crazy status", which means you're deported. (Points back the way they came) Go back! (Sierra walks away; not too much longer, she bumps into Noah and Blaineley; the two cannot pass each other)

Blaineley: Move it, lovebirds!

Sierra: But I'm carrying precious cargo! You should be the one to move it!

Blaineley: Are you saying I'm not precious? Because oh yes I am! (Noah mutters something under his breath) Oh zip it, you! Less talk, more walk!

Sierra: Cody, do you think Blaineley is a nasty, nasty person? (Cody struggles in her grip as Blaineley reaches for him)

Cody: No, not the face!

Sierra (pulling Cody away): Now you've upset him! Back off!

Blaineley: Oh puh-leaze, as if I'm intimidated by any of you losers! You all don't know anything about working hard, but I DO! It took years of patience and denial before I finally started doing something productive, unlike you bra- WAUGH! (She screams as she falls, due to Noah dropping her down the falls)

Noah (deadpan): Whoops.

Cody (shocked): Whoa! Aren't you worried that you'll lose now?

Noah: Meh, I'll take my chances with elimination. (The three of them stay there awkwardly) So, uh… mind letting me past you?

Sierra (looking around): I, uh… think that's gonna be a problem. (Pan down to the pool of water below, Blaineley drops into the water with a big splash; she resurfaces, spitting up water)

Blaineley (growling): I can't believe I ever called that weasle "likable"! (Groans) Children are such pieces of-

Alejandro (swimming over): Hola, seniorita! Need help staying afloat?

Blaineley: You? When did you get here?

Alejandro: That is unimportant. (Looks around innocently) Where's your partner?

Blaineley: He dumped me! Literally! (Looks around) Where's yours?

Alejandro: Keeping the sharks busy. Look, let's get to the point. I can tell you're very upset with Noah-

Blaineley (furious): I swear, he's going down tonight!

Alejandro: And I appreciate that fiery anger. Which is why I'm offering a hand of friendship! (Blaineley raises an eyebrow)

Blaineley (curious): I'm listening.

Alejandro: You want Noah gone, correct? (Blaineley nods) I can assist with that, but only if YOU help ME eliminate someone else tonight.

Blaineley: And who, pray tell, do you want gone? (Alejandro whispers it to her) Now that's an odd, unexpected choice. (Grins) Just how I like it. You've got a deal. (The two shake hands) But how sure are you that this'll work?

Alejandro (grinning): Trust me, they'll soon topple over. (Points up, Noah, Sierra and Cody are all trying to clamber over each other, when all three lose balance and fall into the water below, screaming the whole way. When they land, Alejandro and Blaineley wince, but Alejandro recovers quickly) Just like that.

(All of the sudden, Heather screams from off-screen, Alejandro and Blaineley take off swimming as the shark boat and Heather follow them. Pan back up to the tightrope, Duncan just walks across the whole thing while carrying Gwen with a deadpan expression)

Gwen (when they've reached customs): Ottawa.

Duncan: The maple leaf.

Gwen: The Schooner-Bluenose.

Duncan: Butter tarts.

Gwen and Duncan: Beaver tails.

Chef (impressed): Wow, you got 'em all right. Anything to declare?

Duncan: I hate this challenge and I never want to do it again.

Gwen: I believe we should leave Chris at the bottom of this waterfall. (Duncan walks onto the tower and sets Gwen down, Chris walks over, clapping)

Chris: Congrats, you guys! You'll be travelling together in first class, and you've both won invincibility! (Duncan and Gwen cheer, high five and hug)

Gwen: Now, I need to get out of this dress before it kills me.

Duncan (grinning): I think it looks great on you.

Gwen: Hm, give it a couple more years, then we'll see about that. (Duncan smiles widely)

?: HELP US! (They both look down to see the six other contestants swimming for their lives as the shark boat chases them; cut to later on in the plane, Gwen speaks to Cody in loser's class)

Gwen: Hey, Cody!

Cody (surprised): Gwen?! (Snaps to his "smooth" self) Err, what's up, Gwen?

Gwen: Look, I need to ask you for a favor-

Cody (grinning): Whatever it is, I'm all ears!

Gwen (smiling): Great! Would mind voting for Alejandro tonight? (Cody gives a panicked look)

Cody: Oh, right elimination, yeah… (Gwen raises an eyebrow)

Gwen: Is something wrong, Cody?

Cody (freaking out): YES! (Groans) Look, Gwen, normally I'd do anything for you, but this time I really CAN'T! Sierra's been driving me up the WALL, and I need her to be out of my life!

Gwen: Don't you think you can bear with it for one more challenge?

Cody: NO! She's been trying to get me to say, (looks around, whispers) I do (back to normal volume) so she could "legally" marry me! I can't stand it any longer! I'M OUT OF TOOTHBRUSHES!

Gwen (sheepish): Look, Cody, I'm sorry you have to put with this, but-

Cody (snaps): How about this- if you help me eliminate Sierra tonight, I'll help you get rid of Alejandro later! A-And I'll stop chasing you around like a lost puppy! Deal? (Gwen bites her lip and thinks)

Gwen (standing up): I'll think about it, Cody. Just… hang on. (Walks back to winner class, Cody moans and curls into a ball… until Alejandro approaches him)

Alejandro (feigning): I can't help but notice you look… unhinged, amigo. What's the problem?

Cody (deadpan): A crazy stalker superfan who's trying to marry me.

Alejandro (wincing): That… sounds like something. (Smiles helpfully) I can help you with that!

Cody: You can?

Alejandro: Sure! But, in return all I ask is that you vote with me for the next challenge. Deal?

Cody (shaking his hand gleefully): THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro (smirking deviously): No, Cody. Thank YOU.

End Confessional

(Cut to Winner's Class, Noah, Duncan and Gwen are deep in discussion)

Gwen (rubbing her arm): Sorry guys, but Cody REALLY wants Sierra gone. I don't think we're getting the majority vote tonight.

Duncan (groaning): Great. (Noah's deep in thought, Gwen and Duncan share a confused look)

Gwen: Uh, Noah? You listening? (Noah perks up)

Noah: Yep. But I actually think we should go along with it. (Gwen and Duncan's eyebrows raise)

Duncan: Are you sure, dude? Longer Alejandro stays the more threatening he becomes.

Noah: But if we vote with Cody tonight, and he helps out with the vote tomorrow-

Gwen (realizing what he's thinking): We'll still get the majority vote!

Noah (grinning): Precisely. Now, you two vote with him. I'll vote for Al still.

Duncan: How come?

Noah: It would look REALLY suspicious if I didn't vote for him tonight of all nights, know what I'm saying?

Duncan (nodding): True. Alright, let's do this. (Cut to the elimination ceremony)

Chris: Duncan and Gwen have immunity, everyone else is fair game! What's it gonna be?

Confessional (Heather)

(Heather stamps a passport silently)

Confessional (Blaineley)

(After a couple mouthfuls of cake, she stamps a passport)

Confessional (Cody)

(He stamps a passport and lets out a moan of relief as he does so)

End Confessional

Chris (reading the votes): Wow, really interesting. First, Duncan and Gwen! (They both receive barf bags) Cody, Blaineley, Noah and… Heather! (Sierra gasps as Alejandro maintains a hard stare) Seems like one of you newbies are gonna be sent out now! Who's it gonna be? The person safe is...

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

Chris: Alejandro! (Alejandro receives his bag as Sierra gasps loudly) Sierra, the gang has spoken.

Sierra (shocked): Wh-Why me?!

Chris: Might be because you're a psycho hose beast with an addiction to Cody. 'S all I'm saying. (Tosses her a parachute)

Sierra: B-But I don't wanna go! Cody needs me! (Hugs Cody in a death grip)

Chris: Chef. (Chef walks over and pries Sierra off of Cody)

Sierra (deranged): Cody! I need my Cody! (Chef tosses her out the plane) COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

Chris: She will not be missed. (Cody cheers loudly and begins dancing around the plane, everyone else cringes)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro: With Sierra gone, Cody is now in MY debt, and Blaineley wants Noah gone next. With some convincing, Heather will come around and help me with the rat's elimination. All I had to do was remove a wild card. A REALLY wild card for that matter. Now the odds, no matter what, are stacked 4-3 in my favor. We both really were shortsighted for thinking Duncan and Gwen would be the ultimate trump card. (Grins) Your move, Noah.

Chris (in the cockpit): Hot DANG this guy's great! But if you think that he was harsh, just wait until you see what happens next time on Total! Drama! World Tour!

(End Credits)

* * *

**Now how's THAT for a change? Like it or hate it, let me know by leaving a review!**

**And PS, if you want to criticize or discuss my work, please don't do so anonymously. I want to be able to discuss these things with you so I can get tips, but that won't work if you don't have a way for me to message you.**

**Thanks again for reading! Catch you later with the next chapter. Peace!**

* * *

_Votes-_

_Alejandro- Sierra_

_Blaineley- Sierra_

_Cody- Sierra_

_Duncan- Sierra_

_Gwen- Sierra_

_Heather- Sierra_

_Noah- Alejandro_

_Sierra- Heather_

_Eliminated- Sierra_


	8. Chinese Fake-Out

**Heyo everyone, it is I! Uncle Grimsley! And I have for you wonderful kids a brand new chapter of TDWT Rewrite!**

**Thanks again to everyone who has been reading this story. It means a lot to me that my work is being seen and appreciated by people. I hope I can live up to everybody's expectations in this homestretch of the story.**

* * *

Chris (voiceover, clips of the last episode play): Last time on Total Drama World Tour, our newlywed couples fell hard for Niagara Falls! With the teams dissolved, alliances were tested, a few tempers too! Sierra found, however, that the honeymoon challenge was the perfect way to propose to Cody- who quickly divorced her with the help of Alejandro and the NEW newcomer Blaineley! Now Al's got all the bases loaded, all he needs is a grand slam! (Cut to Chris's quarters) Who will win? Who will lose? Who will be- (looks over at his hot tub, where Blaineley is relaxing) in my HOT TUB?! The tub is for hosts only!

Blaineley (insistent): I'm a host! Watch, (turns to the camera) Lights, fights, and a whole world of awesome sights! Right here on Total Drama-

Chris (annoyed): Okay, OUT OF MY TUB!

(Opening Credits)

(Cut to the Winner's Class, Gwen relaxes at the bar while sketching in her art book, Duncan approaches a giant wedding cake that's on the bar)

Duncan: Hey, beautiful! Enjoying the cake?

Gwen (smirking): No way. Knowing Chris, he's probably rigged it with explosives. Or live animals.

Duncan (shrugging): Perhaps. (Sticks his finger into the cake and licks some frosting off it) Well whaddya know, it tastes like an actual cake!

Gwen: Well color me surprised. (Returns to her drawing)

Duncan: Whatcha drawing, pasty? (Looks over her shoulder, the camera shows that it's a drawing of a casket with the name "CHRIS" on it)

Gwen (devious): Oh nothing, just a little tribute to our favorite host.

Duncan: Ha! Nice one. (Gwen sighs)

Gwen (feigning exhaustion): If only we could get free of this flying death trap.

Duncan: Not until-

Gwen: Al's gone, I know. Hopefully we can count on Cody for the extra vote now.

Confessional (Gwen)

Gwen: I haven't told Cody we voted for Sierra yet, but I will soon. I was just preoccupied with, uh, (blushes and smiles) other things.

End Confessionals

(Duncan and Gwen continue to stare at each other dreamily when the PA goes off)

Blaineley (on the PA): Attention fellow passengers, feeling alone in the game? Looking for an ally you can call your very own? (In Loser's class, Alejandro and Cody share a confused look) Consider joining forces with ME! You won't regret it! (Quickly) This promise does not legally bind me, offer may be withdrawn at any time! (Blaineley hangs up the PA and turns to Chef) Have you considered helping out a contestant?

Chef: I never mess with the game, girly.

Blaineley (sly): Oh right, you got busted helping DJ last season. Shame, really, 'cause I have connections in the TV world, and I've always thought you'd be great on your OWN show. (Chef raises an eyebrow) Chris is just holding you back. (Cut to the loser's class, Noah and Cody sit on one side, Alejandro and Heather sit on the other)

Cody (to Noah): She wanted to hold a reception when we got home! She wanted one of those cupcake cakes and spend the whole day smashing icing into each other's faces!

Noah: Well aren't you glad that psycho isn't on this show anymore?

Cody: YES!

Confessional (Cody)

Cody (happy): It's been fourteen hours, and not ONCE have I had to look over my shoulder or move my hiding place for all my toiletries! (Cheers loudly) If I ever see that psychotic, escaped mental hospital resident again, it'll be too soon! I've gotta pay back Alejandro in some way!

End Confessional

Alejandro: Come now, gentlemen. They say it's best to INDULGE your wife, no?

Heather (annoyed): Except they weren't married. Nobody yesterday got married. No rings, no paparazzi, nothing. (Alejandro mock-gasps)

Cody (excitedly): That's true, that's true!

Alejandro (to Heather): You mean you would reject OUR marriage as well?

Heather (glaring): A million times over.

Alejandro (seductive): Oh come now Heather, surely you don't mean it. I KNOW you crave Alejandro Burromeurto like a baked chicken craves mole sauce.

Heather (disgusted): Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!

Alejandro: Ah, your mouth says "ew", but your eyes say something else.

Heather (annoyed): They say "barf"!

Alejandro (whispering): Good, good! The less suspicion, the better. (Heather raises an eyebrow)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro: I now recognize a small issue with sharing the same class as Noah- I can't strategize with Heather freely without him catching on. If he were to learn about my alliances with the others, my plan would be ruined. (Smirks) So, I must pretend to be alone and frail, hence the argument. (Thinks) Coincidentally, Blaineley announcing her secret plans for an alliance to everyone helps with that quite a lot as well.

Confessional (Heather)

Heather: He's DEFINITELY hiding something from someone, (grins) and I've deduced who. Noah clearly knows something about Alejandro, but Al didn't try to convince Gothzilla and Dumbcan to our- or rather HIS side either. So, perhaps THEY know something too. (Rubs her hands together) So, when Alejandro is preoccupied, I'll take the chance to interrogate all three of them, and Al will be none the wiser.

End Confessional

(Alejandro leaves the loser's class, Heather scooches over to Noah)

Heather: You and I have a similar problem.

Noah (deadpan): Despite our genius intellect and cunning, people don't think we're good members of our respective teams? Oh wait, that's just my problem.

Heather (surprised): No, that actually sums up how most of the season's been for me. (Shakes her head) No, I was talking about something, or someONE, else- Alejandro. (Noah blinks at this)

Noah: You mean the Spanish eel that you're falling for? What about him?

Heather: Ignoring that little remark, you called him that again! You called him an "eel" like you did back in London! (Noah's eyes widen) Huh, you know, London was so weird. When you guys were going up for elimination, I figured everyone would've wanted YOU gone instead of Owen. Hey, how DID Owen get eliminated?

Noah (looking around nervously): I, uh, I don't know what you're talki- (The PA suddenly turns on and cuts him off)

Chris (over the PA): If you look outside, you can see we've arrived at our next destination- (pan outside to show the Great Wall of China) China! (Cut to later on, the final seven contestants are lined up near a staircase going to the top of the wall) Ni hao! Welcome to China! A vast country rich in history, culture, innovation and delicious sauces! Our first challenge is torn from the pages of a rich history. In eight million BC, King Deutsen rode a battalion of donkey warriors down this very great wall!

Noah: Eight million BC? That's not even close to the correct era, there were DINOSAURS during that time!

Chris (not caring): Yeah, what he said. (Pan up to the wall, at the top of the staircase is an old donkey, one of the "bobsleighs" from Jamaica Me Sweet, a rickshaw carriage, a tricycle, a bicycle and a skateboard) We've provided a selection of vehicles to race to our mystery destination! They're first come, first served; it's the Chinese way. Ready, set! (The contestants get into running positions; suddenly Chris gets a call on his phone) I better get this. (Answers the phone) McLean here. Yeah, I'm trying to do a show here.

Heather (impatient): Do we go, or what?!

Chris (ignoring her): Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Alejandro: Yeah, we go?

Chris (ignoring him): Yeah, can we do this later?

Duncan: So we don't go now?

Chris (still ignoring them): Okay, fine! (The contestants take off running and even trample him) HEY! WHO SAID YOU COULD GO?! (Stands back up and brushes his shirt off) Yeah, WELL WATCH OUT! THERE'S A FEW THINGS I WAS GONNA WARN YOU ABOUT, BUT… forget it. (Snickers; cut to the contestants as they race to the "vehicles")

Heather (to Gwen): GWEN! Let's get ready to rock the Rickshaw carriage! (Aggressively) It is SO mine!

Gwen (confused): Wait, what? Why do you want to team up with me?! (Blaineley runs up to both of them)

Blaineley (smug): I don't see a vanity plate on it, "girlfriend"!

Confessional (Blaineley)

Blaineley: I would like to send a shoutout to my personal trainer, Buddy, for making me do all those sprints! You rule! Sorry for calling you a waste of skin, you know that was just the adrenaline talking.

End Confessional

Heather (glaring daggers at Blaineley): Stop breathing down my neck! Or get a mint already! (Blaineley roars loudly and smacks Heather in the face, causing her to yelp and fall over, Blaineley keeps running)

Confessional (Blaineley)

Blaineley: Also, big ups to my hand-to-hand combat instructor, Butchy! You are NOT a 'roid monkey, no matter what I said!

End Confessional

Heather (glaring after Blaineley): You DID NOT just do that.

Blaineley (smug): I'm good, right? (Leaps into the rickshaw carriage) Okay, come and get me, alliance buddy! Err, oops! What I meant to say was if any of you would still like to BE in an alliance with me, feel free to pull! I'm true size 0, FYI. (Cut to later on, Duncan and Alejandro arrive to the selection area, out of breath)

Alejandro (recovering): Duncan, you do know I think of you as my bromigo?

Duncan: Yeah, so? We gonna wrestle over this or what? (Refers to the bicycle)

Alejandro: If you want it, it's yours. I will unfortunately have to ride this skateboard.

Duncan (hopping onto the bike): Later! (Rides off and rings the bicycle's bell; when he's gone, Alejandro effortlessly stomps onto one end of the skateboard, flipping it into his hand, he glares after Duncan)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro: A small price to pay to keep the facade going. What I forgot to say was that I won a gold medal at the South American Skate Olympics.

End Confessional

(Gwen hops onto the tricycle)

Heather (catching up): Wait up, Gwen! (Runs in front of the tricycle to block Gwen from leaving) Why don't we work together on this challenge?

Gwen (weirded out): What's gotten into you? You've never been willing to help me, not even when we were teammates.

Heather (whispering): Keep it down! I know you know something about Alejandro, so spill it out! (Gwen just raises an eyebrow)

Gwen: Alejandro? You mean the carbon copy of Justin, except for being Spanish? The one you're obsessed with? THAT Alejandro?

Heather (frustrated): Just tell me!

Gwen: No can do, Heather. I've got a race to win. (Takes off, riding over Heather's foot in the process, Heather growls and grabs her foot as she hops around on the other one; Cody races by on the donkey; Heather looks back at Noah, who's looking at the bobsleigh nervously)

Heather (running over to him): Hey, Noah! You and I both know that that… thing gets faster with more weight! Maybe we should team up! (Before Noah can respond, she grabs him and the board) I know, great idea, now let's go! (She takes off with him at the front of the board, she sits at the back; they both roll away on the board at a fast speed, Noah screaming the whole way; Blaineley just sits back and laughs at everything)

Blaineley: Oh, this show never ceases to amuse me. (Cut to Duncan and Alejandro, they are both neck and neck in the race)

Duncan: Nice speed there, buddy!

Alejandro: Gracias! I hope gravity is also your buddy on this incline!

Duncan: Thanks! Hope a wheel doesn't lock up and land you on your face! (Alejandro smugly rolls ahead of Duncan; Duncan glares until he sees something up ahead) Whoa-ho! Hey bro, what's that! (Pan ahead, Alejandro ollies over something on the ground casually; it seems to be a small case)

Chris (over a megaphone on a helicopter): Yo! Wanna know what else the Chinese invented? (Duncan drives over the thing; cut over to Cody, a large explosion is seen far ahead from his position followed by a loud scream from Duncan; back where Duncan is, he's covered in ash and there's a large crater where the bomb once was)

Cody (to the donkey): It's okay, Ace! Now can you just give me a little more gas here? (The donkey farts loudly) That's not at all what I meant. (Noah and Heather zip by him and start coughing loudly) C'mon, we gotta get a move on, Ace! Hiyah! (Kicks the donkey, causing it to run really fast) WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAA! AWESOME! (Cut to Noah and Heather as they keep flying up and down hills)

Heather (shouting over the wind): Okay, string bean! Start talking about Alejandro, or you're gonna be kissing the pavement!

Noah (annoyed): Alright, fine! You thought he was a lying, deceitful casanova, right?

Heather: Yes!

Noah: Well, for once you were right! He IS a lying, deceitful casanova! (Heather's eyes widen) He single handedly took down Team Victory by pretending to be their friend! He'd butter them up, then give 'em the boot! First with giving Harold false confidence, then flirting with Bridgette and getting her stuck to a pole, then riling up LeShawna so she would mad at you and throw the game, and finally by lying to DJ about his "curse"!

Heather (glaring): I KNEW that jerk was hiding something! (Snickers) That guy is so going DOWN!

Noah: Yeah, and if you REALLY want to know, in London I WAS voted off, but Owen kinda took the fall for me! Both the luckiest and unluckiest thing to happen to me on this entire show! (They suddenly roll over an explosive and go flying into the air) I TAKE IT BACK! (Cut to Alejandro and Duncan, Alejandro keeps rolling along confidently until Duncan passes him)

Duncan: Thought you lost me, eh buddy?! (Alejandro just rolls ahead of him with a single kick)

Alejandro (smug): Glad you're okay, PAL!

Duncan: Hey, your shoelace is untied!

Alejandro: Pssh, they're boots! Nice try! (They begin going uphill, both begin grunting in effort)

Duncan: Who needs to try?! (Grunts)

Alejandro: Not me! (They both keep panting and grunting)

Confessional (Duncan)

Duncan: Alejandro doesn't know we're onto him, so I figured I could pretend to be on his side to keep misleading him. Then, when elimination comes along, BAM! (Smashes his fist into his palm) Goodbye, Alejandro.

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro: I know Duncan thinks I don't know about his alliance with Gwen and Noah, and it's cute to see him try and exploit that. But, as tonight's elimination will show, I'm not someone who can be fooled easily. Once Noah is gone, I'll be able to pick Duncan and Gwen off as well, and all that will be left is two peons and Heather, whom I'm fairly certain I can handle. (Grins) This game is mine.

End Confessional

(Cut to Gwen on the tricycle, Cody catches up to her as Ace keeps running)

Cody (shouting over the wind): Hey, Gwen! How's the race going?!

Gwen: Hey, Cody, I've been meaning to talk to you! Last night, at the elimination ceremony, I helped you vote out Sierra!

Cody (pleasantly surprised): Really? Thanks!

Gwen: Yeah, so just to make sure, you'll still help me vote someone out tonight, right?

Cody: Oh, uh, I can't help you tonight. But next elimination I'll definitely help out!

Gwen (confused): Why not tonight?

Cody (thinking): Because, I'm helping… someone else who helped me vote Sierra off tonight. (Gwen's eyes widen) But I promise, I'll help with the next elimination.

Gwen (to herself): Oh no…

Confessional (Gwen)

Gwen: Now that I think about it, there's no way only three votes got Sierra off. Someone else voted for her with us- Blaineley hates Noah's guts, so there's no way she voted for anyone other than him, and Noah voted for Alejandro to avoid suspicion, so that leaves Heather and Alejandro. If HEATHER secured Cody's vote, then she'll likely use it against Alejandro, but if ALEJANDRO secured it, then that means the plan just went down the crapper.

End Confessional

(Noah, Heather and the bobsleigh finally land back down with a sickening crunch after the explosion)

Heather (grumbling as she stands up): Watch where you're steering next time, lazy!

Noah (cracking his back): You really think this thing has ANY form of steering?! (Heather growls, then calms down)

Heather: Look, back to Alejandro- I can help you eliminate him, but you'll owe ME down the line, deal?

Noah: Let's see, either lose to the Spanish devil, or make a deal with the devil's girlfriend?

Heather (annoyed): I am NOT the devil! A-And I'm not his girlfriend either! Look, we both want him gone, so let's just suck it up and work together!

Noah (glaring): Listen here, she-hulk: I have nothing to gain from allying with you that I can't get on my own, and there's no consequence for NOT allying with you either. You've got no allies, and you certainly don't have enough votes against me. Add all that up, including the fact that nobody in their right mind would ever trust you, and you'll see that my answer is NO. (Heather scowls, then realizes something)

Heather (smug): Actually, I DO have allies. And I DO have the majority vote against you.

Noah: Don't try to bluff me, honey. It'll end poorly for you.

Heather (getting in his face): It's NOT a bluff. Just you wait until elimination, where YOU'LL be free-falling out of the plane! (Heather hops onto the bobsleigh and takes off without Noah)

Noah (groaning): Way to lose your ride. (Sighs and follows after her on foot; cut back to Alejandro and Duncan, by now Gwen and Cody are catching up)

Alejandro (to Duncan): Feel like slowing down yet, amigo?!

Duncan: Never! Not until I've won this stupid race!

Gwen (to herself): Gotta tell Duncan, gotta tell Duncan, gotta tell Duncan…

Cody (to Ace): You can do it, Ace! (Ace grunts and snorts; Heather begins to catch up to the others)

Heather: Just a bit more! (Pan all the way back to Noah, who's huffing and puffing while running)

Noah (between breaths): Whatever!

Chris (from his helicopter): Whoever survives, meet me at the finish! There's more bombs to come, plus three fortune cookies with every takeout entree! Right here on Total Drama World Tour!

(Commercial Break)

(Cut to a finish line somewhere along the wall, Chris stands next to it)

Chris: Welcome back to Total Drama, where our contestants are in a mega-tough race down the Great Wall of-

Duncan and Alejandro: LOOK OUT! (Chris dives off the wall as Alejandro and Duncan cross the finish line at the same time, both skid to a stop)

Alejandro: Bromigo, I think I beat you!

Duncan (scowling): No, bud, I edged you out big-time! (Chris climbs back up the wall)

Alejandro: Maybe we should check the photo-finish?

Chris: What show do you think you're on? There's no prize for first anyways.

Duncan and Alejandro (shocked): WHAT?!

Chris: If you had waited for me to say the rules, ANYbody who makes it over the line before the gong (refers to a gong next to the three of them) rings gets to join me for a very special lunch, aka the next part of the challenge.

Alejandro (insistent): I still won.

Duncan: Go sit on some chopsticks! (Cody and Gwen cross the finish line next)

Cody: Yes! We made it! Ever since Sierra's been gone, I feel like I lost- what does Sierra weigh? Like, a couple hundred pounds? (Heather shouts)

Heather (rolling in): CAN'T STOP! OUT OF THE WAY! (She goes flying off-screen and crashes into a wall with a sickening crunch, everyone else cringes)

Chris (grinning): Oh ho-ho-ho! Nasty! (Heather groans)

Heather: Just tell me I beat Blaineley.

Blaineley (reading a newspaper while relaxing in the rickshaw): Sorry, sweetie! I had the greatest tour ever! The little villagers, the rice patties, I even did a little shopping! (Pulls out several shopping bags for show)

Alejandro: But… who pulled you?

Blaineley: A good reporter never reveals her sources.

Chris (suspicious): Hey, where is Chef? He was supposed to ring the gong! I even had an outfit planned for him! (Cut to Chef, he flops down onto a table, sweating and out of breath)

Chef: If she's a size 0, I'm the Emperor of China! (Cut back to the finish line, Noah arrives, drenched in sweat and out of breath; he mutters incoherently and flops onto the ground)

Chris: Well, because a certain someone wasn't here to ring the gong, I guess you'll all be moving on to part two of the challenge. (Cut to the inside of a restaurant, the seven contestants are seated at a table) To win this challenge, you'll have to eat more than anyone else at this totally awesome Chinese restaurant!

Cody: Who doesn't love wontons? Last New Years, I ate about a thousand of the-

Chris (interrupting): Except that this is the world's most authentic Chinese restaurant! You'll be enjoying real street-food delicacies! (Alejandro flinches at this) Deep fried grasshoppers, kung-pao larvae- (Alejandro's cheeks bulge)

Duncan: Are you okay, bro?

Alejandro (feigning confidence): Pfft, I'm fine. Where I'm from, we eat barbecued guinea pig! This is (gags) nothing.

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro: I've been dreading the eating competition. My body is a temple, and what temple-keeper would contaminate THIS (rips his shirt off and flexes his pecs effortlessly)

End Confessional

(Chris gets another phone call)

Chris (annoyed): Yo, it's McLean. Yeah, I'm trying to make a show here.

Duncan: If it's Courtney, tell her she's a loser! (Gwen elbows him) What? (Gwen glances past him, then leans in)

Gwen (whispering): I talked to Cody about voting with us.

Duncan: And?

Gwen: He's voting with someone else tonight instead!

Duncan (shocked): What?! (Gwen shushes him, he scowls) You mean the little dweeb isn't following up on his promise?

Gwen: No, he will; he's just fulfilling his promise to someone else.

Duncan: Someone else? Who could he be- (Gwen looks over to Alejandro, who's sitting and waiting casually) Oh… oh crap.

Chris (hanging up the phone): Okay, you have to eat each bowl of delish food, opening your mouth to prove it went down! If you're last to finish, or you puke, you go sit on the loser bench! (Chef wheels in a cart full of food, he places bowls of what looks to be a cube of sushi in front of each contestant; Blaineley's food looks slightly different from everyone else's, Chef gives her a subtle nod)

Blaineley: Looks simply scrumptious, Chef! (Cody picks up his block with chopsticks)

Cody (weirded out): What IS it? I-Is it roasted eel?

Chris: It's donkey meat! Local delicacy! (Everyone gags, Cody just stands up)

Cody: ACE?! Where are you?! Fart if you can hear me! (Blaineley just swallows her piece effortlessly)

Blaineley: Delicious! (Shows she swallowed the whole thing; Duncan and Gwen slowly chew their food)

Gwen (gulping the food down): Done!

Heather: Done.

Duncan (gagging): It's a bacon double cheese burger, bacon double cheeseburger! (Noah gulps the food down and opens his mouth while gagging; Alejandro just looks at his food)

Gwen: C'mon, Cody!

Cody: I can't eat Ace! (Duncan swallows his food)

Duncan: Done!

Gwen (teasingly): Never knew you had such a weak stomach, slick.

Chris: It's down to Cody and Alejandro! Who will be out first? (Cody stubbornly sits in place, Alejandro touches the food to his tongue… and immediately begins to barf)

Duncan: At least I'm not THAT bad.

Alejandro (whiney): I cannot help it! My body refuses ANY food that could destroy it's perfect physique! (His cheeks bulge again)

Noah (grinning): Hm, and here I thought you were perfect at anything. For once, I'm glad to be wrong. (Alejandro glares at him)

Chris: Okay, time's up! Cody and Alejandro, since neither of you will even touch your food, you'll both hit the loser bench! (They get up and walk over to the bench)

Confessional (Alejandro)

(Alejandro barfs into a bucket)

Alejandro (catching his breath): I may not win today's challenge, but as long as Noah doesn't win, I'll still have the game in my pocket! (Grins) A small price to pay for the ultimate victory! (Barfs into his bucket again)

End Confessional

(Chef hands out the next set of bowls, which all have… worms in them. But Blaineley's dish has spaghetti in it instead)

Blaineley: Mm, smells delicious, Chef! (Chef gives her a wink)

Chris: Bon appetit!

Heather: What on earth do we have to eat THIS time, Chris? It's still moving its feet!

Noah: Worms don't HAVE feet!

Duncan (disgusted): Whoa, these are WORMS?!

Chris: Yep! We got you guys some live mealworms! Local delicacy! (Several contestants' cheeks bulge, Blaineley just eats her food in no time)

Blaineley: Wow, Chef! Five stars, mm-mmm!

Heather (between bites): Seriously, you're (gags) enjoying this?! (Blaineley just shrugs)

Blaineley: Done! (Opens her mouth. Noah glances at his food nervously; he sees Alejandro watching him smugly, Noah glares and begins chomping down on his food)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah (glaring): I've got both Alejandro AND Heather on my back now, so I need to start winning some challenges to stay safe. But hopefully by tonight, Al will be long gone. All I've gotta do is channel my inner-Owen and eat everything in front of my face!

End Confessional

Noah (gagging): Done! (Opens his mouth)

Heather: Done! (Does the same; Duncan and Gwen keep eating until Gwen finishes first)

Gwen (wearily): Done. (Duncan just groans)

Chris: Duncan, you're out! Loser bench! (Duncan projectile vomits the food onto his face and storms over to the bench; Chris wipes his face off with a napkin) Okay, that aside, onto round three! It's dinner for four! (Chef drops off the next batch of food, which consists of hardly deep-fried starfish on sticks) Starfish skewer, local delicacy! (Blaineley's already finished her food as the others begin to eat, she winks to Chef and opens her mouth; Chris gives Chef a suspicious look, who giggles nervously)

Heather: D-Done! (Opens her mouth; Noah and Gwen keep chewing their food)

Gwen (eating slowly): It's bacon, it's bacon, it's bacon, it's bacon… (Noah gulps down his last chunk of food)

Noah: Done! (Opens his mouth)

Chris: Gwen, you're out! Loser bench! (Gwen spits out the piece of food in her mouth and joins the others on the loser bench. The next bowl is mashed… something. Heather and Noah share a concerned look. Blaineley just grins as Chef hands her a bowl of ice cream)

Chris: Yeah, we don't even know what that's called. It ain't right, whatever it is. (Heather looks at Blaineley's bowl and realizes something) Get ready-

Heather: Hey, wait, stop! Why does Blaineley's food look so much better?

Blaineley (defensive): It's exactly the same! (Chris gets ANOTHER call)

Chris (angry): Listen, man! (Walks off)

Heather: It doesn't LOOK like the same! (Noah inspects Blaineley's dish)

Noah: Yeah, she's right… it almost looks like… mashed ice cream?! (Alejandro walks over)

Alejandro: Chica, amigo, calm down! (Whispers to Heather) Why are you sabotaging one of our allies?! (Heather ignores him and storms over to Chris)

Heather (snappy): Chris, what are you going to do about this crazy cheating?!

Chris (annoyed at the caller): Yeah, okay, budget, blah, blah, blah, what am I supposed to do?!

Heather: Get off the phone and host the flipping show! (Chris hangs up) Someone is giving Blaineley actual food instead of grossosity!

Blaineley: She's LYING! It's absolute bullcrap, it's not true! (Chris glares at Chef)

Chef (hanging his head): I'm so ashamed…

Chris: Listen, we gotta wrap this up, so here's the dealio- one last round, between Heather and Noah. This'll be for immunity.

Blaineley (annoyed): And what about ME?

Chris: I hate to say it, Mildred, but given that we caught you cheating, it's only fair that you get automatically disqualified from the competition. Hit the loser bench. (Blaineley growls, throws the ice cream at Chef, then storms over to the loser bench) Alright, Noah and Heather, you've gotta eat your… whatevers, and the first one done gets immunity for the day! Savvy?

Heather (sitting back down): Yes, VERY savvy. (Noah picks at his food and cringes)

Noah: I think my inner-Owen is starting to become my outer-Owen.

Chris: Ready, set, go! (Heather and Noah begin chowing down on their food, the other contestants watch anxiously, after a couple minutes of eating and gagging…)

Heather: DONE! (Opens her mouth to prove that she's done)

Chris: And we have our winner! (Noah's cheeks bulge and he runs off, he pukes off-screen, which causes both Alejandro and Blaineley to vomit as well. Cut back to the Jumbo Jet, Gwen, Noah and Duncan meet in Loser Class)

Gwen: If Alejandro really has Cody's vote for tonight, we're done for.

Duncan: B-But there could be a chance that someone else has his vote as well, right? So maybe they want him to vote for someone else other than Noah?

Noah: Not really. Blaineley's still plenty mad at me for last challenge, and Heather- (clamps a hand over his mouth)

Gwen: What about Heather? (Noah sighs)

Noah: I MAY have made enemies with her after I turned down her offer for alliance.

Duncan (shocked): What?! She offered you an alliance?!

Gwen (likewise): And you turned her down?!

Noah: Of course I did! Would either of YOU trust Heather in an alliance? (Duncan and Gwen mutter in agreement) But still, no matter who got Cody's vote-

Duncan: It's looking pretty grim for our alliance. (The three sit in silence. Cut to the elimination ceremony, Chris looks through the votes)

Chris (reading): Mm-hmm. Yeah. Uh-huh. Ooh. Yeesh. Okay. Interesting. Ouch.

Heather (impatient): Can you just tell us who's safe?!

Blaineley: Or who got the majority votes?

Noah: Or anything, really?

Chris: Hmm? Oh yeah, the votes. Eh, they don't matter this time around. We already eliminated someone! (Throws the passports out the plane, the contestants all gasp)

Gwen: We eliminated someone? Who?

Chris: YOU didn't, I did! I do recall saying Blaineley was disqualified from the competition when I found out she was cheating.

Blaineley and Alejandro: WHAT?!

Heather (annoyed): You didn't find that out, I did.

Blaineley: B-B-But didn't you mean I was disqualified from the CHALLENGE?

Chris: No, I said competition. That's why there's no vote tonight. Well, no official vote anyways. (Chris gets another call, he throws it out the plane as well) Okay, the producers are breathing down my neck a LOT right now, so can you just get going? You're not alleviating any annoyances I have right now. (Chef escorts Blaineley to the exit)

Blaineley: Not so fast, I have some things to say first! Noah, everyone and their mother knows about your alliance with Gwen and Duncan, there's no need to be so secretive about it anymore! Alejandro and Heather, everyone also knows about YOUR alliance, so the same goes for you! Also, you two should just get over each other and make out already! (Everyone's jaw drops)

Heather (glaring daggers at Chris): Can you get her out of here?!

Chris: I dunno, this part's kind of fun.

Blaineley: Oh you wanna hear something REALLY fun? They wanted ME to host this show, you only got the job 'cause I said no and- (Chris rushes over and shoves her out the plane, screaming, he silently closes the door as everyone sits in shock at everything that's just happened)

Cody (after a few seconds of silence): Is it really quiet in here all of the sudden, or is it just me? (Nervously chuckles; the other five contestants all look at each other)

Noah (to Alejandro): So… you also had a secret alliance?

Alejandro: Yep. For the record, I knew about your alliance for a while now.

Noah (scratching his head): Huh. That's awkward.

Alejandro: Uh-huh. (Everyone continues to sit there silently)

Duncan: Alright, Imma head out. (He walks out, everyone else gets up and follows him. Cut to the front of the plane, Chris slams his fist on the console)

Chris: Y'know, this is very serious, Chef.

Chef: All I can say is that the girl was awfully persuasive.

Chris: I was the first choice for this gig, right?

Chef: Uh, of course you were!

Chris (relieved): Yeah, right! (Laughs) There's no show without me! Watch this, (turns to the camera) six contestants! One million dollars! And a whole bunch of the world left to mess up! Join us next time on Total! Drama! World Tour!

Chef: Huh, it IS way better when you do it.

(End Credits)

* * *

**That's the end of that! We've gone from the Lucky Seven to the Sinister Six! Noah sure is lucky, eh? But that luck's about to run out! Who will take the fall next? Find out next time on TDWT Rewrite!**

**Also, shoutout to my boy PurpleBandit, who's made several amazing stories of his own and inspired me to make my own stories. Go read his stuff, especially Total Drama Redemption!**

* * *

_Votes-_

_Alejandro- Noah_

_Blaineley- Noah_

_Cody- Noah_

_Duncan- Alejandro_

_Gwen- Alejandro_

_Heather- Noah_

_Noah- Alejandro_

_Eliminated- Blaineley (Disqualified)_


End file.
